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Is it worth quitting over my boss' fatal flaw?
I was lucky to start a new job a few months ago and I've been really enjoying it. A week ago, another employee came back into the office after lockdown. She didn't like the way I did my work and immediately started berating me publicly.
I quickly told my boss the other employee made me uncomfortable. He empathized and said he'd talk to his boss (the company owner).
Yesterday, the company owner pulled me into his office and I told him how I was feeling. He said that the other employee was just like that and that I should ignore her, because I was doing a good job. The other employee has continued to make hurtful and rude comments about my work, even though both my boss and the owner know about it.
Is it worth it for me to stay? I feel really unsupported and I'm worried the drama is just going to continue. I like the work and I wasn't having trouble with my boss before this, but if he can't support me now, how am I supposed to rely on him to advocate for me in the future?
Mary Honderich 
Recruiter
211
07/02/20 at 1:56AM UTC
I would go to HR
ccoutinhomanager at home health hospice CAH
15
07/01/20 at 4:57PM UTC
NO! Run away!
Lilye Stallworth Chaffin
19
07/02/20 at 12:54AM UTC
At some point you’re going to get tired of running...free yourself from someone else’s bondage!
ccoutinhomanager at home health hospice CAH
15
07/02/20 at 3:10PM UTC
While a laudable goal, sometimes situations are too toxic for one person to repair. Just depends what battles you choose to fight. And even when the battle is potentially won, is it worth the effort? That becomes personal choice. Entrenched toxicity, including 2 immediate superiors,- too much to take on for me.
Barb HansenStartup Product, Growth & Strategy
6.66k
07/01/20 at 4:20PM UTC
You don't have to ignore or put up with bad behavior and that fact that the Owner said that, is a HUGE red flag. The Owner knows that there is dysfunction in his company and he's okay with it.
I would start looking for another job where you are valued, supported and you don't have to deal with bad behavior.
Lilye Stallworth Chaffin
19
07/01/20 at 4:11PM UTC
I ran from former coworkers because the boss made excuses for them and didn’t defend me at all. My latest incident was my coworker treated me like her child and wanted me to cheer her every accomplishment but would never consider my ideas. She questioned everything I was doing like she was the boss. I finally stood up to her directly with the boss and their boss present. After the shock they respected my comments and the wind was gone from the bully. A year later she retired and I’m doing well so far in a much better work environment.
Nora FahlbergAuthor, confidence coach
51
07/01/20 at 9:26PM UTC
Yes! Good for you. We can leave jobs because of coworkers, but there will always be difficult people, in pretty much every job environment. There comes a time when we must stand up to the bullies, because that’s all they understand. When you speak up for yourself and it works (it usually does), your confidence soars! And even if it doesn’t work, I’ve found that it still feels better than remaining silent.
Anonymous
07/01/20 at 3:51PM UTC
Immediately start looking for another job. This happened to me. I put up with it for FIVE years. It was a highly paid position and I kept hoping the bully would stop or retire. I was pulled aside several times a month and was told the same things you were told, “ That’s just how they are, we are very happy with your work” After being placed on various meds to handle the stress, I was actually diagnosed with PTSD. Then I lost my job (I was a contractor)because they said I couldn’t get along with the bully. And it took me years to get over it. I still tense up when I have to interview because of that situation.
If they are aware of the situation and have done nothing about it, they never will. The bully may have an “in” with someone high up or the company just turns a blind eye for some reason. It is not worth your mental health. If someone had told me you can get PTSD from this I never would have believed them.
You already know you are a skilled worker, there is a company out there that will be glad to have you. Not every workplace is like this.
LORI-ANN BURLINGAMEProject Coordinator in Ohio
804
07/01/20 at 3:47PM UTC
She is a bully and she feels threatened. You were hired and started, when the company was on lock down. She also sounds like a narcissist. Narcissism is a complex personality disorder. The ones I have worked with have an "exaggerated sense of self-importance."
I'm almost finishing reading "Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life" by Linda Martinez-Lew, PhD. She is a licensed marriage and family therapist. This book has helped me to better understand the narcissist and how to deal with them.
You have to stand your ground. When she begins to berate you, you need to look at her and tell her that you are "doing an excellent job and that you have as much right to work they are she does."
Don't let her push you out.
Anonymous
07/01/20 at 3:21PM UTC
I am sorry that you are dealing with this. I dealt with a bully at a previous job. I went to HR and my boss to no avail. I got the same response you got. I ended up leaving a great job because of a bully. My heart goes out to you. I hope that the outcome is better than mine was. Be patient in the meantime. Get some time at that job and see what happens. If the problem continues after the pandemic, look for another job. I wish I had a better answer for you.
Anonymous
07/01/20 at 3:15PM UTC
In my experience when a manager says "that's just how she/he is" what they really mean is "we know this person is a problem, but we don't really want to deal with it, so we aren't going to." Even assuming that the co-worker is correct and offering instruction rather than criticism, she should have been coached on how to do that constructively, or told how to bring issues to the attention of management so management can decide if you need correction. Maybe the bully is a high performer they don't want to lose, maybe the bully is someone's niece/daughter/friend of the firm, maybe the bully is just troublesome and they don't want to take the time to manage the behavior. Whatever the reason, if you bring a situation like this to the attention of management and they pass it off with that excuse and tell you, basically, to just get on with things, I can 100% promise you they have had this brought to their attention in the past, they didn't deal with it and that resulted in a vacancy that you filled. This situation is not going to change, and it doesn't matter how great you are in this job. You can make yourself nuts trying to manage it, or you can suck it up, or you can leave. But sitting there expecting change that is never going to come seems like a waste of time and energy.
Bsimmomsjd
15
07/01/20 at 3:06PM UTC
Good points but the most important thing to do is record everything. Saves people more times than I can count - EVERYTHING! Best of luck.
Susan Heidi WolmanBusiness Transformation UX CX Strategy
209
07/01/20 at 2:52PM UTC
Have you quietly and respectfully told her off? She is clearly threatened by you. So the next time this happens, just calmly and publicly say, "Thank you for your advice. I have consulted with my manager about your concerns. I take my direction from him. Please don't waste any more of your time on me."
Nora FahlbergAuthor, confidence coach
51
07/01/20 at 9:20PM UTC
There are a lot of good suggestions for replies here, yet I find this to be one of the best. It is professional, diplomatic, and makes the point that her manager approves of her work. The final sentence is perfect for setting a firm boundary.
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