Hi FGB community! Seeking advice on how best to deal with a coworker who's become a bit arrogant & patronizing toward me.
For context, I began a new job in July where my focus is building our brand presence in North America and acquiring new leads. While I'm enjoying the work itself and appreciate the level of trust the CEO has put in my ability to lead as the sole marketer of our region, I'm a little concerned about how a coworker on my equal level (who I collaborate closely and often with) is beginning to talk to me.
Since the product is enterprise level & expensive, the actual sales are few and far between. For this reason, there is less focus on his team's output and more on my work in promoting the brand. As a result, I've put a lot of effort into speaking opportunities and recently launched a podcast which I'm ecstatic about. I brought him on as the host because he has a big personality and enjoys public speaking.
I'm doing all of the behind the scenes work which I love, such as researching & booking ideal guests, building out the interviews, and promoting the content post-production. But now, I'm starting to sense a belittling view toward me as something like his assistant, which is not only disrespectful to me as a marketing professional, but also misguided.
I'm a pretty chill person and thrive on creative collaboration, but I'm starting to get annoyed at his condescending tone. For instance, he repeatedly asks me the same questions because he doesn't read my responses, calls me without a heads up and asks me to do obvious things that I'm already doing, has asked me to build his personal brand, etc.
Additionally, I'm an introvert/peacekeeper and quite a few years younger than him. I don't want to rock the boat as we'll continue to work closely together, but I feel like I need to reset expectations.
Any suggestions?
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9 Comments
9 Comments
Anonymous
12/30/20 at 7:08PM UTC
A one on one frank discussion is needed before things get too far out of wack. Perhaps documenting your roles & responsibilities would make things more clear. You'll need to stop answering the same questions multiple times and merely tell him you already answered it please revert to my email. I would also stop with any brand work on his personal branding and suggest he work on that himself.
Any response or discussion will definitely rock the boat but in order maintain your role as an equal and not his assistant you will need to ruffle some feathers.
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1 Reply
Anonymous
12/30/20 at 8:43PM UTC
Thank you for this response. Agreed that this is going to require a frank discussion once we're back from the holidays. I'm not at all working on his personal brand and was stunned at that request in particular.
What he meant was to include his name in each episode description and YouTube video I post, which is fine... but his ego and attitude about it rubs me the wrong way.
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Anonymous
12/30/20 at 8:46PM UTC
People with big personalities are driven by ego in their vuew the world is there to facilitate their desires. A realty check every once in awhile is needed to adjust that thinking.
User edited comment on 12/30/20 at 8:47PM UTC
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1 Reply
Anonymous
12/30/20 at 9:28PM UTC
I've told people like that to knock it off.
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Michelle Wilkinson
93
12/30/20 at 9PM UTC
By letting all these things occur, you're resenting him more and more, which is causing you harm. You need to have a chat with him. I'd recommend reading the book Crucial Conversations. That will help you with approaching him in a way that will help to eliminate him becoming defensive, yet enabling the both of you to actually have a decent, productive conversation.
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Anonymous
12/30/20 at 9:27PM UTC
Tell him that YOU are not his assistant and that he needs to work with you on equal footing.
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Cinzia Iacovelli
280
Marketing Project Manager, Digital Events
12/31/20 at 2:23AM UTC
I would sit down with this person and start a conversation face to face, maybe better a virtual meeting but anyway I would really speak frankly voicing my concerns.
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Karisa Karmali
600
Founder of Self-Love and Fitness
01/05/21 at 10:26PM UTC
Reset roles and voice your concerns 100%. These types of people will worsen if left unchecked, and your job enjoyment is as important. You're no one's assistant.
User edited comment on 01/05/21 at 10:27PM UTC
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Jackie Ghedine
3.95k
Coach for Gen X Women | Jack Russell of Humans
01/06/21 at 12:19PM UTC
You are in a difficult situation because you've brought your professional world into your personal one (the podcast) and it, unfortunately, can become icky quickly.
It's time to have a little one on one with him.
When addressing someone with an ego, the last thing you want to do is threaten their status or place blame, it will flair their fight or flight and it can change your relationship in one conversation. Here's a hint, try not to use you in the conversation. Phrase things more general but with statements he made. No, it isn't easy but it keeps that sense of blame from coming up.
When you sit down with him, I would be direct and share an experience or behavior that was belittling, "The other day, when we were talking and it was said "XYZ" it felt to me that... and I wanted to understand the intention behind it. Then take the conversation further.
Another thought is this, if this is a collaboration, make it a collaboration. You're in charge of pre podcast work and he is in charge of post podcast work (or vice versa). You secure guests, do interview outlines and find content, he edits an dpromotes the podcast. Start dividing tasks up equally so he can carry his weight.
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