© 2022 Fairygodboss. All rights reserved.
I know why my husband keeps getting fired (should I tell him?)
My husband just got fired again — this has happened multiple times before. I've always thought he was successful and was getting fired for reasons mostly beyond him. Yet now that we're working from home together, I think I've realized why he's getting fired: he doesn't really work that hard.
I don't want to upset him further — he's already upset about losing his job! — but the reasoning has become so obvious to me. Should I tell him? How can I approach this situation in an encouraging way?
Shannon Nuss
Director of Style at W Scottsdale
47
07/18/20 at 7:33PM UTC
Maybe you can sit down with him and talk through each job and the reason(s) he believes he was fired. Maybe he'll come to it on his own or you could provide gentle nudging? Telling him outright, while honest, may not be the best way if he's feeling insecure about losing his job(s) and not being able to provide. I'm not saying to protect his ego, but it's entirely possible it won't even mean anything to him if you come out and say it - sometimes we have to come to understanding ourselves (with some gentle nudging by a loved one occasionally)
lisatolearn
33
07/15/20 at 11:06PM UTC
What??? Income is a huge part of any marriage/relationship. If you're husband doesn't want to commit to a job (and I hate to say this), maybe he isn't truly committed to your marriage. He needs to commit to a job (whether he likes the work or not) to commit to your shared income. I would make a budget and savings plan and then show him what is expected of him. You can ask for his input on what you spend your money on and what you are saving for. Just make sure that he is clear on what is expected. He can come up with the plan on how to do it. He may not change, and then you may have to have a tough conversation with yourself on what you deserve, what you're getting, and how bit the space is between. Sorry to be so candid. Best wishes to you.
Janet ParkhurstCopy that gets RESULTS.
466
07/15/20 at 10:04PM UTC
Dear Anonymous,
You've gotten some really terrific feedback! Every single post had at least one potentially spot-on point. But I can't help but relay a story about a good friend and neighbor of mine. She and her husband appeared to have a very happy marriage and I could see why. He was a great guy, friendly and social, and very sensitive to people's needs and emotions. There wasn't a bad thing I could say about him. Except--mysteriously, he couldn't seem to keep a job. (My dad would have categorized him a "lightweight.") He had a superior grade point average from an impressive college, but seemed to not know what he wanted to do. He went from job to job, industry to industry. He always got hired very quickly, so I suspect he interviewed well. But his "new-job success" was always short lived. When he was job hunting, he'd get up early in the morning and search online until lunchtime, after which he'd spend the rest of the day at the apartment complex's pool (I know, b/c he'd coming knocking to borrow a beach chair). As his wife, my friend became more and more resentful, working steadily at a job she disliked and paying the bulk of the bills. As she'd put it to me, when she married "Rob," she never recalled "signing on to become the bread-winner." Money worries permeated their marriage to the point where he actually suggested she "get a little part-time job to supplement her full-time one." What???!!!! Needless to say, they are divorced, today. "Rob" lived on his own briefly before moving in with his parents, who had just relocated to a retirement community out of state. While staying with them, he met a woman who worked as a guidance counsellor. She was divorced with two small children. "Rob" became the "house husband" she desperately needed and appreciated. He's happy as a pig in shirt to this day. So, the point, here? He NEVER WANTED TO WORK. PERIOD.
Anonymous
07/15/20 at 5:27PM UTC
I wonder if the past situations affected his outlook at this one. Speaking as someone who was downsized in a nasty takeover, and then laid off at another job after complaining about outright workplace harassment, in many ways the workplace itself has become traumatic for me, and I have to deal with that. I've developed a lot of anxiety as a result and my depression symptoms often come with fatigue/sleepiness. I'm in no way defending laziness -- and I can tell you I'm now at an education counseling job where 100% of straight female students complain their male partners don't support them, so you are not alone in observing this - especially during shutdown when women are expecting men at home to pick up the slack and it's not happening. But I wonder if he needs counseling to deal with his issues around the workplace.
User deleted comment on 07/15/20 at 5:26PM UTC
Motta
133
07/15/20 at 5:07PM UTC
Are you 100% sure that is the reason? If so, tell him. And tell him in neutral or "trying to help" type tone, not a confrontational tone.
Since he is now out of a job, dumping extra on him might not work out well.
SophieG
226
07/15/20 at 4:27PM UTC
How do you know? ?! Did you ‘mark’ his work? Know he missed deadlines? Know he failed to do seven things when that was the expectation? See him watch cartoons all days? Seriously how can you think you know how ‘hard’ someone works just by being in the same house?! Very difficult judgement to make and not one I would want to even begin to raise. If this is a theme, of him getting regularly fired, then the conversation is ‘why do you think this happens’ not ‘what I observe is‘.
© 2022 Fairygodboss. All rights reserved.