a little sad about losing touch with great coworkers

Anonymous

December 8,2021 at 6:48PM UTC

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a little sad about losing touch with great coworkers

A year ago, I left what had been a terrific job for a variety of reasons-- no opportunities for growth, low morale, and worst of all, a boss who was a classic bully who I needed to get away from ASAP. I ended up landing a much better position at a higher salary, more interesting duties and a real future.

While I was at my previous place of work, though, I developed friendships with several colleagues. We not only worked on high-impact projects we all had passion for (while we were allowed to work on great projects), but became close over the 3-4 years I worked there. Well, after I left, we stayed in touch for some time, met for lunch, and continued inviting each other over for dinners with our families.

Now, it feels like after several months, we've drifted. I've texted them here and there but no longer hear back much. Maybe the job really did keep us closer as jobs do. Still, I do feel the loss of these friendships. I feel like I should have expected this to happen. I know people often say that work friendships are situational. It's too bad. I know I did choose to move on (I was the only one with a terrible boss I had to get away from). I know one of my friends did feel abandoned-- they joked about it but I think this person did feel bad. Should I just let everyone go, am I assuming no one wants to be friends really anymore?

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Krista Haugner Sieg, MBADecember 8,2021 at 7:20PM UTC
This one is challenging. Relationships naturally ebb and flow and some are point in time. That knowledge in no way makes losing a friend less painful.
I have also had situations where I or a colleague has left a group and in some cases, we've been able to keep in touch but in others we've lost that connection. I can't control whether or not others respond, but I can control if/when/how I reach out. I plan time into my calendar to continue to keep up with colleagues by sharing something that I believe may be interesting or relevant to them or even let them know that I was thinking about them and hoping that they are well. This doesn't always work as sometimes we're in a season of life where there is too much going on to put in this effort (either on our side or on theirs).
The last thought I will share is also determine the point if/when this is making you feel worse instead of better. If you find yourself reaching out and find that they are no longer responding at all, what is the point that you need to stop reaching out to protect your own feelings.
Lesa Edwards, Career Coach & Master Resume WriterDecember 8,2021 at 8:51PM UTC
It may be that these relationships are "complete," thus making room for new friendships. If there are 1-2 old coworkers that you especially don't want to lose touch with, reach out again and find out if they also want to keep in touch.
I find it helpful to think of relationships as completing, rather than just...ending. Feels like a lack of closure.
AnonymousDecember 8,2021 at 9:24PM UTC
Thank you for your thoughts on this. It was one of those jobs where people really get to know each other and build a lot of trust. It wasn't easy to walk away. I think the pandemic and teleworking probably caused some distance because we had so many in-person projects that were called off.
Cathy ColliverDecember 14,2021 at 4:48PM UTC
It is always okay to try reaching back out again. ? The pandemic and related have created a lot of distractions and complications, and you never know when someone has stuff going on making it difficult to schedule things. Reach out to reconnect and offer to chat virtually if getting together in person is too hard right now.