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Restructure: Now Managing a Peer
Due to coronavirus, my company just went through a restructure where I am taking on additional responsibility including a new direct report who was previously my peer with the same title.
We've grown close over the past few months (even outside of work) but now that I am her boss, I feel like our relationship needs to change but don't know how to approach it. Do we have to stop being friends? How do I give her feedback without feeling awkward?
Emily Hirsch Katz
32
08/06/20 at 3:35PM UTC
I agree with the comments here. Being open and transparent about transitioning your relationship is really important. Clear expectations are essential in navigating the change.
Krista CouttsMarketing Professional, Cross-Functional Leader
336
08/05/20 at 4:57PM UTC
Schedule a coffee zoom meeting with her. Be open about the elephant in the room. Ask her if she has any concerns about being managed by you. And ask her how she prefers to receive feedback. Being open and honest upfront, will help later!
Eva Jannotta (she/her)Amplify your influence.
171
08/05/20 at 2:56AM UTC
I was on the receiving end of this! A friend at me previous job was promoted to my manager, and it didn't go well. She was not experienced in managing others and there were a lot of issues. I think the advice here is good. In hindsight, I wish my old manager had been really open with me from the get-go about the change, so we could have clear communication and expectations between us.
Lauren CastelluzzoA bicoastal creator of brand experiences
72
08/04/20 at 9:03PM UTC
I have also been in a similar situation where multiple peers (and friends) became my direct reports. It can be delicate, but it all comes down to how you approach those difficult conversations when feedback or direction is needed. I actually found it to be helpful that we had prior (and more personal) relationships because it allowed me to be more empathetic and understanding to their perspective and experience. I don't think you need to stop being friends. Instead, it is important to lead with understanding, and use that friendship to be open and honest with each other, and to adapt to each other's working styles. I also agree with the comment above about having coffee, cocktails or other in person meetings if time and safety allow. Over time, you'll find that you will naturally switch "hats" when you are in a social setting versus when you need to be in a more professional setting. Chances are, they are thinking the same thing and don't want it to be awkward either!
Emily KeiperFounder & President, GahrCo, LLC
283
08/02/20 at 11:51PM UTC
How would you give her feedback before when you weren’t her boss? Sure she now is your responsibility and therefor a bout of anxiety could arise each time you have to provide feedback, but remember that you’re both just women in the workplace. Keep it light no matter the circumstances. Titles are just titles it’s what you do with them that shows your character. Best words of advice- just keep things light. If it’s negative feedback, take her to coffee and put it out there and be there for her. If it’s positive go celebrate over cocktails. I became great friends with an employee of mine and when I left I suggested she take my position to my boss at the time and we still to this day are friends. It doesn’t always have to be scary and I bet she’s super happy for you (or at least should be) and welcomes someone who has her back now being her boss. :) You now are her protector, mentor, guidance, etc. all of the things you were when you were just a good friend in the workplace. Good luck lady and congratulations on the additional responsibilities!
Kelly ChiavariniOffice Administrator Extraordinaire
75
08/01/20 at 3:36PM UTC
The best advice I can give is have a talk with her and make a promise to each other to keep work at work and friendship outside of work.
Karen BergerAn innovative leader in high growth industries
74
08/01/20 at 2:26PM UTC
I have been in a very similar situation. This can be delicate so I would approach it in an open, respectful manner. Have a conversation with her saying how much you value her, both professionally and personally, and ask her how she sees this new dynamic being successful. I would find out how she prefers to receive feedback and continue to be transparent with her. Also, be open to getting feedback from her. Good luck!
Twannetta WeaverSenior Business Consultant
75
08/01/20 at 1:11PM UTC
I’ve had the same experience in the past and I must say it can be very tricky. My best friend left the company (we were peers) and when she needed to return, I helped her get reemployed and she became my direct report. I told her upfront that I didn’t want to demolish our relationship and that I valued her as a professional. She understood what we were up against and worked with me to manage her. She asked for feedback proactively, offered suggestions and I was transparent with her and our bosses sentiments towards her work. Our bond actually improved because she respected the responsibilities I had and took the time to truly embrace feedback. I thought twice about how I’d deliver feedback to her since we were friends but I didn’t let it stand in the way of doing my job.
© 2022 Fairygodboss. All rights reserved.