Boss is a terrible manager but I can’t quit

Anonymous

September 29,2020 at 1:05PM UTC

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So I’ve been at my job for 4 years now, and it’s been the worst for my mental health. I have anxiety and go through bouts of loneliness and depression, and working where I’m at has not been helpful. I planned to make this my last year here but when we’d shutdown for the pandemic back in April, things changed. I was on unemployment for three months and made more money than when I was working, but I knew it would run its course eventually. However, I’d gotten my job back and at first I didn’t want to go but then I thought, “why not stay again until I find another better paying job?” So I went back. Now I feel even worse than ever because the environment is even more draining and toxic than before we’d shut down. And my boss is no help because yesterday she yelled at me to hurry up and get back on the floor after I was 10 minutes late, which wore me down and almost made me cry. This has happened before too; when we’d had to get up at 6 am to do inventory she screamed at us to “hurry up” and “let’s go guys you’re being too slow!”. I know it’s easy to just pack up and quit but I feel like I can’t because I have nothing lined up. Every job I’ve applied for I got rejected and I’m just losing a lot of hope right now.

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Dakota HugoSeptember 29,2020 at 1:49PM UTC
Good Morning,
I'm sorry you're struggling with this, as someone who struggles with mental health issues I get where you are coming from. My best advice right now is to keep moving forward with your job search. If you are being rejected from jobs try to reach out and find out why you were rejected. And if you are simply not hearing back try to find out who the recruiter is and reach out to them . It goes a long way in showing how much you want the job. But don't be a pest, reach out and if you don't hear back reach out again in a week. If you don't hear anything then, move on.
Lastly, apply for everything that you are interested in, you truly never know what will stick. The more positions you apply to the more likely something will stick. However, if you are applying to multiple jobs in the same company write a cover letter for each position so that the company knows you are genuinely interested and not just trying for everything with no real interest.
AnonymousSeptember 29,2020 at 2:14PM UTC
Thanks! I keep applying for similar jobs because I don’t have a whole lot of interests. I’m pretty boring lol. But I’ll definitely keep trying. I need a change.
Kay PeckSeptember 29,2020 at 3:20PM UTC
I would recommend, taking a step back and looking at where you would like to be in 2 years, Is retail or what you are currently doing where you want to be in 2 years? Take steps now to make a positive change in your life and you will feel more confident and happier knowing you are doing something for you while you are working in you current job.
AnonymousSeptember 29,2020 at 5:40PM UTC
Wow how did you know I was in retail lol. But no I definitely don’t see myself staying in it for another 2 years. I finished school back in 2017 for Communications and Journalism and that’s what I like doing but there are hardly any long term jobs now. I think my hardest part is branching out into different fields that I like and that can make me stable.
AnonymousOctober 1,2020 at 1:12PM UTC
Are you in or close to an actual city or do you live in a small town? From my experience, jobs that utilize a degree like that may be hard to find in a small town. I graduated with a communications degree as well with a focus on marketing and I knew I’d never be able to find a job in my hometown, so I am now 2 hours away in a mid size city. Maybe you need to do something similar?
AnonymousOctober 1,2020 at 1:20PM UTC
I’m from NJ so that’s close to NY but NY isn’t really my style of living. I’m more into the quiet, not-so-busy lifestyle. And NY is expensive! But at the same time I know I don’t want to be in Jersey forever. If I were to move anywhere I’d need a stable job and place to live first.
AnonymousOctober 1,2020 at 1:27PM UTC
Okay, NJ/NY should be fairly easy to find something in then. I think the other commenters have better advice then haha
AnonymousOctober 1,2020 at 3:55PM UTC
What about upstate NY, like Buffalo? Even if the job is not long term, it will still get you the experience you need and a foot in the door to where you want to be. Don't pigeon hole yourself in a field you don't want to be in, it will only make finding a career harder since you are still lacking the experience.
Also, are you open to moving across the country? I'm sure if you widen your net there are tons more job opportunities.
As for your boss, well, there's not much you can do to change a toxic boss. They are stuck in their ways and the only thing you can control is your attitude. Stay positive and don't let them see that they get to you. They may be trying to get you to quit. Plus, once you get that fancy career you'll look back and realize you're a stronger person because of the hell you went through.
Keep your head up!
AnonymousSeptember 29,2020 at 2:04PM UTC
Sorry you are being treated disrespectfully. The worst of it can be stopped (or at least lessened). Yes, one might risk their job, but I believe it's worth it. I would love to stand aside you and say to her in a calm, factual way "Ouch, that hurts. I would really enjoy some encouragement. I think that would go far." or else I hear mirroring is good (again a calm, neutral voice) "we're too slow..." or labelling "it seems you are frustrated by production...". I fantasize or aspire to these tactics in my toxic workplace. In the meantime, I did stand up for myself, clumsily - and got some respect, outwardly at least. Got to start somewhere... In the meantime, wishing you much self-respect!
AnonymousSeptember 29,2020 at 2:16PM UTC
It’s easier said than done for me to stand up for myself because I’m super passive and shy and quiet. But I can’t take the disrespect anymore, it’s so annoying. But yeah you’re right gotta start somewhere.
AnonymousSeptember 29,2020 at 7:51PM UTC
I hear you. I am Outspoken about work but had learned to be Quiet regarding poor workplace culture. When push came to shove, I swung from Passive to Aggressive (whoops), but am finding a moderate balance. Wishing you all the best in having a safe, healthy workplace.
VictoriaSeptember 29,2020 at 2:14PM UTC
Hello! I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. Just know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I have been at my job since November and it is really challenging (not in a good way) to be in the office because it is so toxic. I am a social worker so the importance of having a supportive team is vital. I also have a mental health diagnosis so I really feel what you're going through. What has helped me is to speak to my therapist about my boss, coworkers, etc. (Do you have a therapist? If not, there are therapists that offer a sliding scale or you could always call a hotline.) Talk to friends and family too. Get as much support as you can. Ive found that talking about it helps a lot and relieves my stress. After a hard day, reward yourself! Whether is be eating ice-cream or taking a hot bath, do something for you, because you deserve it and it will help you recharge. During the day at work doing a 5 minute meditation helps me relax a little and keeps me focused. Keeping a journal also helps me to vent and keeps me going. Having a boss that is unhelpful and unsupportive is the worst. If it's confidential, you might want to think about talking to HR about her behavior. Keep a record of all the things your boss does that are not professional just in case. It took me 8 months to find a new job, just don't give up! If they didn't hire you it wasn't the best fit and you WILL find something better. I would try not to think of it as a rejection because there are so many reasons why companies don't hire qualified people - they found someone who will take less pay, they decided to hire in-house, there was someone who had a certain skill, etc. I know all this is easier said that done. We all have rough patches in life and this seems like a very rough time for you. Just keep doing what you're doing because you will look back one day and be so grateful you did not give up!
AnonymousSeptember 29,2020 at 2:23PM UTC
Thank you so much for the advice. I don’t have a therapist now but I’ve been seriously thinking about getting one because even before the pandemic I’ve been having these problems and issues. I’ve always had anxiety but the bouts of depression came earlier this year. I know it’s been a tough year for a lot of people this year so I tend to keep my problems to myself but I just can’t anymore. I live with my mom and nieces and they know a little of what I’m going through but they don’t know everything.
DeniseSeptember 29,2020 at 2:33PM UTC
I suffer from bouts of depression as well, and have tools in my arsenal to deal with it most of the time, but this year has been tough. I went back to therapy and my therapist has given me even more tools to use as needed. Just having someone who'll give you their undivided attention for an hour, listen to what you say, and genuinely try to help you goes a VERY long way. I can't recommend it enough. I wish you the very best of luck in your job search - you'll succeed in finding something if you don't give up!
AnonymousSeptember 30,2020 at 4:32PM UTC
Anonymous: Please get yourself a therapist to help you develop better coping strategies.
I second the idea to find a mental health professional who works on a sliding scale basis and specializes in anxiety/depression.
In addition to the coping skills that you’ll learn, it is also possible that you might benefit from medication.
If it turns out that you need meds, you will need a prescription from a psychiatrist (MD); a psychologist (usually has a PhD or masters degree) cannot prescribe meds. If you start with a psychologist (which is a great option, as they are highly trained in mental health therapy), you will need a referral to a doctor who can prescribe meds.
Sarah BorkowskiOctober 1,2020 at 6:25PM UTC
If cost is a factor in seeking therapy, I recommend looking at telemedicine providers through services like Teledoc. Many providers and health plans have expanded the coverage for these due to the pandemic.
AnonymousSeptember 29,2020 at 2:35PM UTC
You are absolutely not alone in this - but I would encourage you to keep at the job search. Perhaps talk with a career coach about defining your goals and needs, because they might be able to help you position yourself for the kinds of companies where you want to work. The market is tough right now because of the pandemic, but it's also a good time to go into a job search in earnest since things are changing!
Morgan MyersSeptember 29,2020 at 3:17PM UTC
I absolutely agree that it's a good time to search for a new job in earnest, because things are definitely changing! A lot of companies are making some major shifts right now, and others will start following suit. It's been a scary, uncertain time, but I'm hopeful some good will come out of it.
Kristyn Parker-MeyerSeptember 29,2020 at 2:35PM UTC
Toxic work environments are really tough to navigate. I would apply for each and every job that you might be interested in, just to get out of that environment. Then you can take your time trying to establish your long-term goal while re-setting your mental health.
Amy FortneySeptember 29,2020 at 3:07PM UTC
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I hope you will pause to take care of your mental health. A new job is sometimes needed to help maintain your balance. I've been there and done that. I think you're there now.
There is no excuse for disrespectand shouting by management. It sounds like someone without much in their managerial toolbox. That's not likely to change.
I would like to suggest the following:
1) Avoid a Production-based job. If your boss is yelling about speed, it sounds like you are in a production-based role where a certain number of widgets (making products, customer service phone calls, pick-n-pack, etc.) must be processed through the system in a certain period of time to meet the yield (i.e., budget.) As you recognize that you have anxiety and depression, and that your work situation is a contributing factor, I would encourage you to look for a role that doesn't include an hourly or daily production requirement so that you can maintain your balance.
2) You were 10 minutes late more than once. Sometimes, we cannot avoid being late, and a good boss will know how to weed out the good reasons from the bad, but this is always going to be a problem when working in a Production-based environment. There's very little wiggle room. Ten minutes means "x" widgets. When I worked with production-based teams, I would conduct my interviews by going over the benefits of the job and the places where people could get into trouble if they didn't understand the expectations. Being on time was the main one.
Some people don't have schedules, family circumstances, or transportation that support being on time consistently. I did not want to be in the position of writing anyone up or terminating them for attendance, so I was honest about how that would work if they could not meet that standard. "If you come to work with us and you are often a few minutes late to start the day or back from breaks or lunch, please understand that we WILL write you up because we are required to..."
Set yourself up for success in your next role by asking about how strict the schedule might be and talking with the employer about the best time for you to start to see if they have flexibility. Be honest about where things might fall down so that you can work it out together. A good fit is a job that fits in with the realities of your life. And then make every effort to be there consistently at that time.
I hope that was helpful and I hope that you are able to find something that better serves your health. Hang in there!
AnonymousSeptember 29,2020 at 5:44PM UTC
What are some non production-based jobs that you would suggest?
Amy FortneySeptember 29,2020 at 6:48PM UTC
I'm not sure what your skills and education might be, but here are some short term ideas that might help you move away from those roles and give you the oppotunity to consider the future: Receptionist (live or virtual), Administrative Assistant, Sales Coordinator (records and reports data), Document Management/eFiling Specialist, Project Coordinator/Manager, and Trainer.
Search Indeed and other job sites for roles that might fit your educations, skills, experience. Don't discount the things you know how to do even if you don't do them at this job or as often as you would like.
I think you want to do some career planning instead of looking at jobs alone. A career and a job are two different things. A job is an unchanging thing that you can do for years. A career something that is built over time; it is a series of jobs on a defined path that have progressively more training, responsibility, growth, and pay.
If you want to be out of a production environment as a job and embrace a career, you may need to plan for additional vocational training, 2-4 years of college education, certification training or other knowledge builders to help. Yes, those things cost money, but use the experience of now to help guide nd motivate you. Extra effort now for reward later. If you go that route, make sure that the return on investment for the career makes sense. For example, social workers do a lot of good in the world, but they have a lot of costly education for often low salaries. Make sure what you choose is something you want to do, but make sure that it is in demand and that it pays well so that you can meet those financial obligations. Also, don't forget that there are many course websites that offer free training and YouTube to build skills in the short term to help you get into those non production-based roles if you need them.
AnonymousSeptember 29,2020 at 7:07PM UTC
I've applied for Receptionist (live or virtual), Administrative Assistant, Sales Coordinator (records and reports data), especially, but I haven't seen much out there for that. As for Project Manager, I already have those kinds of career women in my family, but I've not found my calling in those similar careers. But it's good that I've finally figured out a word that means what I don't want in my next role: non production-based. So thank you for that!
Amy FortneySeptember 29,2020 at 8:06PM UTC
Good for you. The first step really is knowing what you DON'T want. That was more instructive for me during difficult times in my career than knowing what I did.
Over the years I have had the opportunity to mentor younger workers. I'm in the middle of developing a course for those who want to move out of jobs like this, those who (like I did) have non-descript liberal arts degrees and are having trouble building a career out of it, those who need to unstick themselves from a job they've been in a long time, those who need to develop a career plan, those who are re-entering the work force after time away, college kids who need more focus, and for those who have been let go from jobs multiple times, but cannot figure out what they are missing. There's a lot of steps to that process and I was blessed to have a dad who was an HR VP and some really great bosses who mentored and brought me along, but not everyone has those resources in their personal lives or in their professional ones.
I think the important thing is, you aren't alone and there IS a way out. I know you'll find your best transitional role!
AnonymousSeptember 29,2020 at 8:18PM UTC
Your course sounds so interesting and is the perfect step for me. I hope it works out soon; where can I find it when it launches? Is is available online or in-person?
I have a supportive family, but I feel like they don't know ~how~ to support me, which is unmotivated for me.
I know deep down that I'm not alone, but it's hard to see that now, you know? I just want to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Amy FortneySeptember 29,2020 at 8:48PM UTC
I get it! Connect with me here and I'll let you know once I've launched it. I'm a month or so away.
Morgan MyersSeptember 29,2020 at 3:16PM UTC
This really sounds awful, and is actually similar to the reason I'm leaving my job, which I had hoped to be at long-term. I know that it's so difficult in the midst of these experiences, but stay strong, and here are some things that have helped me:
1. If you can, at work, listen to a podcast or playlist that you LOVE, that really gets you going. Anything that just automatically gets you excited is good.
2. If you have recourse with HR, I'd bring it up with them. Your HR Manager should be an advocate for you while at work. If you feel safe talking to them, I would, just to let them know that you're struggling, and if you have ideas for improving the work situation, that would be a good time to share them.
3. I've found that waking up earlier than normal, and using that extra time to do something off-line that you like, like reading or a craft, helps put me in a positive space before I have to go into the office.
4. Keep up your job search - and maybe work toward a career shift. You can use some evening or weekend time (but not all, you don't want to burn yourself out) to research a field that's growing that you're interested in. Take some courses, read up on the requirements, and start working toward that move/shift. This will help you feel like this is all just temporary (which, it is, don't get discouraged!)
5. Talk to your doctor about any mental health concerns you have, too, especially going into winter. This can be a really difficult time of the year for anxiety and depression, and you need to put your mental health first.
I hope some of that helps. I know how hard it is. Just know that I'll be cheering for you and supporting you! <3 Please reach out if you want to chat or need advice.
AnonymousSeptember 29,2020 at 5:51PM UTC
1. I work on my feet when I’m at work so I don’t have the luxury to work behind a desk and play music or podcasts. But I do try to play those things before I go to work to get my mood right.
2. I’m so nervous to talk to HR because everybody knows everybody where I work and if I say one wrong thing then I’m afraid that everyone will know and start even more drama. I know it’s a lame excuse but idk.
3. See 1. Answer. I like to read too in the mornings.
4. Good idea. I’ve actually been considering going back to school for my MLIS (Masters in Library and Information Science) I just wish there were more affordable schools and classes.
5. Ohhhhh man if I’m feeling this way during the fall, I don’t want to imagine how I’d be in the winter. I know this is all temporary but when will it end????
Fiona McLaughlinSeptember 29,2020 at 3:31PM UTC
I'm so sorry you are going through a tough time. Dealing with this challenge with mental health issues makes it 100 times harder because you might feel like you can't see through the fog of depression and/or can't trust your anxious thoughts. You are doing great. You are holding down a job in a pandemic. You are getting up every day and putting one foot in front of another. You have already accomplished so much by simply showing up. And that is brave and requires strength and tenacity. Don't underestimate the enormous work you are doing every day to get to where others seem to start from. Your boss sounds awful and everything you don't need right now. Just let her be and keep your focus on you. You're not going to change her and she has served you well by confirming that this job is not for you. If you have the energy, do continue to look out for alternative roles. They don't have to be the ones you would like to end up with, just intermediate ones that will remove that additional burden from you while you focus on self-care. I really admire you and think you are doing amazingly. And it's all going to be ok - just keep the faith.
Melia JonesSeptember 29,2020 at 4:07PM UTC
This sounds so challenging! Keep being strong, you're not alone and you can make things get better. I have anxiety too and I recently started medication and therapy, which have both really helped. I wish I started therapy sooner, it's so different than what I expected and it's really helping me manage my anxiety and improve my relationships with family and friends.
One thing that helped me when I looked for new jobs was to think about what I could do instead of the specific role I wanted. I wound up with a totally different job than what my previous roles had been but that required similar experience and it has been going really well.
You are doing so well and you made a really courageous decision to go back to a job you didn't love - so many people would not have the will to do that. Be proud of yourself!
StephanieSeptember 29,2020 at 4:23PM UTC
Have you told your boss about your mental health issues? As a boss in a production based environment, I do adjust my coaching style in that case.
With that said, even with an adjusted coaching style, I will still not accept consistent lateness. I don’t know if that is your case, but if it is, don’t expect your boss to change his/her tune if you can’t agree to be on time.
AnonymousSeptember 29,2020 at 5:55PM UTC
I haven’t told her about my mental health issues but I don’t think she’d care. With that being said, it’s been difficult getting to work on time because I don’t drive and have to rely on others for transportation. I know it’s no excuse for always being late but that’s my reality. Maybe getting ready and arriving earlier would help?
StephanieSeptember 30,2020 at 2:46PM UTC
It probably would. Try that before you decide to quit.
VictoriaOctober 2,2020 at 2:28AM UTC
I would suggest not telling your boss about your mental health issues. In my own experience this has left room for my boss to belittle me more and even told me that he had "concerns" about me applying for a higher position because he did not think I could handle it. It's none of your bosses or coworkers business and unfortunately there is still a lot of stigma around mental health. I have come to the place in life where I am fine being open about my diagnosis and being an example that mental health does not discriminate! Until you get there, and you will, I would not trust someone as insensitive as your boss to response in a genuine caring way. I hope this helps! And if you can I think getting ready and arriving earlier would help! Do you wear make-up? You could do that on the bus. I know its not very classy, but who cares right?! Also, try not to sit at your computer if you have one at home. We tend to think we'll just check our email quickly but its a big procrastinator.
AnonymousOctober 2,2020 at 5:22AM UTC
Exactly my thinking. I’ve never told anyone what was going on with my MH because I was afraid they might misunderstand or make me do more work thinking I couldn’t handle it. Now I just want out entirely because I’m so sick of being mistreated. I don’t wear makeup to work but I do like watching YouTube videos so maybe I’ll cut back on those to get ready sooner.
Carrie ShevelsonSeptember 29,2020 at 6:36PM UTC
Personal story. I quit my job for 5 months while I soul searched and job search to land my next role, and it was the best thing I could have done. The job and company were no longer serving my career or mental health. I was already interviewing for other tech roles, and I was utterly exhausted and unable to job-search or interview at full speed. I feel like they could "smell" my desperation. And I almost accepted an offer than I knew in my heart wasn't right for me. So, I looked at my finances, cashed out some stock, and quit to give myself some space.
I spent about 2 weeks that time grieving my last company (I'd been there for 7 years). This is a necessary and natural process. Then I spent a few weeks healing myself. I had just stopped nursing my 1 year old and I reconnect with who I was post-baby. I took a surprise trip to France. Then, I dug in to think about 3 things:
1. What am I really effing good at?
2. What do I want to do in my next job?
3. What 3 things do I care about in a company?
This became my evaluation criteria I took into every job description appraisal, interview rounds, and offers. The dedicated focus time to by very critical in my search was invaluable. I landed a great company in the end.
Pandemic lesson:
Life is short, and time is a nonrenewable resource. You don't owe anyone anything. There's no time to be unhappy, feel stagnated, or feel undervalued. Do what's right for you.
BonnieSeptember 29,2020 at 6:42PM UTC
This is such a hard place to be in. You're exhausted, emotionally drained and much more aware of the misgivings and ill treatment you have felt. I too have been there as an employee. Each day I just dreaded going into work, but like you, had no other choice. I was supporting my young family and consistently felt bad. As an example, when I was pregnant (with twins) my previous supervisor made me feel guilty for taking longer at doc visits than I originally planned for. She made me feel so guilty, I ended up staying late one night, I was 33 weeks, and my water broke in the office. Totally Rough! I never forgave her for that.
What I had to do, is make a conscious effort to "buy time" until I could be in a place of looking for other roles. Made sure that I managed my behavior and reactions (I could not manage hers) and that really helped. I also tried to see her side. Like my boss, it sounds like yours is stressed, overwhelmed, and probably never had good mentorship or experience on what not to do.
I am now a supervisor, and treat my employees the exact opposite of how I was treated - and that experience came because of such a negative time in professional life. I am assuming the same is with her, she hasn't had that "life experience" to know or enough energy to understand how she makes you feel. It is so hard to extend grace when it isn't extended to you, but if you do it and work hard at it, you can see and will see the tide change - even if it is just helping you avoid those tears. Keep your chin up. If you haven't heard this today - YOU ARE DOING GREAT. AND YOU ARE VALUED.
AnonymousSeptember 29,2020 at 7:19PM UTC
Yes, my managers (there are 3 of them, plus 3 other supervisors) seem to be stressed completely, but that's still no reason to take it out on us lowly workers who are only doing our best with what we're given. I've never thought of being a manager, but if I were, I would treat my employees with more grace and patience than how I've been treated.
JuliaSeptember 29,2020 at 7:42PM UTC
Great advice Bonnie! I try to remember this too... you can manage your behavior, you can't manage other's behavior.
Marian SkupskiSeptember 29,2020 at 6:47PM UTC
Since you have a degree in communication, you should consider looking at roles that have to do with analysis and documentation. I have worked with several people in the role of analyst and technical writer that had a background in communication, and they have always been great in those roles. These kinds of roles are always desperately needed in tech companies (though the tech companies do not always recognize the fact), but it can be hard to find people that want to take on the role.
AnonymousSeptember 29,2020 at 7:33PM UTC
Yes, you're right, I do have a degree in communication with a focus on journalism and multimedia. But I also have experience in customer service and I like helping people, so finding the right career path is where I'm struggling.
JuliaSeptember 29,2020 at 7:40PM UTC
How annoying! So sorry you are going through this. Hang in there.
My situation is so similar.. I've been here for four years now, but the job is so mentally draining and I go home feeling exhausted and unappreciated. I was on unemployment for a few months once covid started (like you, made so much more money on unemployment than what I actually make when I am working full time) and that was nice. I felt better mentally because I was only working 2-3 days a week and had long weekends. The weather was nice, I was able to keep busy, and I had time and energy to spend doing things I don't normally do. So when it was time to go back full time I was like wow, this is going to be horrible going back 5 days a week full time. So I started looking for new higher paying jobs. I wanted to just quit with no backup plan because, you know, mental health is important and I can only take so much. But I didn't give up. I kept applying for jobs, kept doing interviews, and tried to stay patient.
If you can afford to quit with no backup plan (financially and otherwise), I say go for it! Like I said, your mental health is super important and you will not be able to do your best work if you are checked out of there already (which I would be if my boss was talking to me like that). Do whatever is best for you that makes the most sense. Try to be patient, but also don't wait to long to make a move if you're struggling!
You can do this!!
AnonymousSeptember 29,2020 at 8:30PM UTC
Thank you. I feel like I could quit with no backup plan, but I feel it would be better, more realistic, if I quit because of a new better job position, rather than being petty.
JuliaSeptember 29,2020 at 8:55PM UTC
Don't do it because it's "more realistic" do it for YOU! Try to shy away from those ideas that society deems as acceptable... every situation and every individual is different! If that's what would be best for you and your mental health, and if you know you can afford to make the move, DO IT! And I don't think it's you being petty, I think it's you doing what's best for yourself! Maybe it's scary to jump without a plan, but don't let that fear stop you from doing what will be best for you in the long run.
AnonymousSeptember 29,2020 at 9:06PM UTC
Right. I have a habit to follow the crowd and do what is acceptable rather than what's right for me.
JuliaSeptember 29,2020 at 11:03PM UTC
You can do it! Stay positive. You got this!
AnonymousSeptember 30,2020 at 12:19PM UTC
It’s interesting how much you and I have so much in common: been at my current job for 4 years, don’t like my boss, can’t find a new job because of the recession, have issues like depression. What has helped me is finding a therapist, and a psychiatrist. I’m on meds, feeling much better about myself even though my work environment is not good. I’m still looking for a new job, and I get a lot of rejects from interviews. But I feel a lot better than I did for each reject. Please hang in there. If you can’t get professional help, please try to surround yourself with positivity, productive actions and good thoughts. New hobbies help as well to keep your mind off. You know it’s not you, it’s your boss. Good luck, and remember: you’re not alone.
Ariane S.September 30,2020 at 12:51PM UTC
This resonated with me so much. I'm also in a job where my mental health is teetering on the fray. Coupled with that I have an autoimmune disease that doesn't help with the ongoing stress that my job and COVID19 have brought.
In response I have been applying to jobs like crazy. I have turned down a couple roles because they didn't feel right but was passed over for what I thought was my dream role. I've put more focus back into getting my resume out there. Update your LinkedIn, pick a great picture for your profile and banner, and see what you can spruce up! The right job will come along, whether you believe it or not.
Would you be able to speak to a therapist about what you're experiencing? Right now a lot of health insurances are paying for telehealth appointments during COVID. You may be able to find someone and not have to pay any deductible or co-pay. Additionally I'd suggest speaking with a doctor to be prescribed anxiety or depression medication. It has been a godsend for me.
Like everyone else is saying, you're not alone, and your feelings are so so valid. I'm so sorry you're going through this. one thing that has helped is a sticky note I put on my monitor that reads "this is only temporary." Little silly but it's a good reminder that one day this will just be a bad memory.
AnonymousSeptember 30,2020 at 1:48PM UTC
I’ve thought long and hard about seeing a therapist and looked one up near me. I’m just waiting to hear back from them. So that’s the first step. I don’t know if I’d go so far as to take medication for it but at least I’m now more willing to talk to a professional about my problems.
Ariane S.September 30,2020 at 1:53PM UTC
Just a suggestion! I know it's personally helped me a lot but therapy was also my first step.
Lizbeth Marquez-FloresSeptember 30,2020 at 1:18PM UTC
Back in Nov 2019 I quit a great job with great coworkers and supervisor to go to a job that was better paying and closer to home. After a stressful week and surprises popping up regarding the job (which I would’ve turned down had I known) I realized this place wasn’t the place for me.
The line was drawn after a coworker informed me that my hours were different than what I had applied for, I questioned the hours and I got yelled at for it by the supervisor (who I should add had been horrible to me all week) despite being ok with the change in time. It was a Friday, I went into the break room where I teared up and tried to calm myself but the damage was done. I felt extremely sick to my stomach after that and as I left the office I got even sicker to my stomach thinking about returning to work on Monday. I called my old job when I got to my car and they were willing to take me back but the hours had changed and due to the distance, and being a single mom, I couldn’t accept the position back. By Sunday I had decided, with no back up plan, to send in my resignation email and noted the issues that lead up to my decision. I ended up Being out of work for about two months. With no real savings, my mom and boyfriend helped with rent for the next month and I let some bills get behind hoping I’d catch up at some point. In that time I ramped up my small business which I had started earlier in the year and that ended up being a great time to focus on it; without that time it wouldn’t be where it is today. But I also took on a side hustle of InstaCart, which helped keep me from drowning financially, until I landed the job I currently have which I love. I was hired to a New walk-in Center where I run it alone with one doc, I got to set it up to my liking and I get so much autonomy for my position, and the best supervisor I could ask for, also I have great hours which allows me to work on my business after work as well, and still have time for family. And the pay is great and not too far from home, it all worked out! And I was able to pay back my mom and boyfriend, and catch up on the bills with in a month of starting the job which was great!
Sometimes you need to trust that you know what’s best for you, and that’s there is something better out there for you. When you’re pushed up against a corneen you’ll (usually) do anything to get out of that corner and sometimes it’s the motivation you need to do bigger and better. Good luck to you and I hope you find some resolution.
V. NunezSeptember 30,2020 at 2:22PM UTC
You have to pray for strength. I know it is hard, but you can do this. Speak to your manager and document, document, document!!! You may be able to help others when you find another job. And you will find another job because I have faith in you!!! Keep your head up!!!
AnonymousOctober 1,2020 at 4:01AM UTC
This was me at the beginning of 2020. I had a terrible and insecure manager. No matter how much I tried nothing was good enough. Then COVID hit and I was working from home. My anxiety was at an all time high but for privacy I didn’t tell my manager because he was not to be trusted. I scheduled weekly 1:1’s with my manager to keep in touch and he put me on a vague Performance Improvement Plan for 2 months before letting me go. The only way I got through it was therapy for 9 plus months. It was awful.
If you have an HSA account, you can use it to pay for your therapist/counseling appointments. HSA’s are yours to keep even if you aren’t working for the company. I’m in a better spot mentally and glad to have that place of work in my rear view mirror.
AnonymousOctober 1,2020 at 6:14AM UTC
What’s an HSA? What does that do?
AnonymousOctober 1,2020 at 3:18PM UTC
HSA = Health Savings Account. If you have one through your medical plan, you can put pretax dollars into the account. Some companies will match a percentage or dollar amount. Then you get a debit card and can spend the money on medical related items.
AnonymousOctober 1,2020 at 1:00PM UTC
This made me so sad to read, and I am really sorry you're going through this. Have you tried talking to your manager about the situation and how she's making you feel? I am sure she is feeling pressure on her end, and she may not realize how her actions are negatively impacting the team.
I also agree with other posters that you should definitely continue with your job search, and also try to inject some happy things throughout your day. A brisk walk or run to start your day may help clear your mind.
Finally, easier said than done, but agree to step back and just look at things overall in your life. While we spend so much time at work and it's so easy to go down a rabbit hole with frustrations at work, ensure to make time for your hobbies or connecting with family and friends (even if only virtually)! Sending you my best!
AnonymousOctober 1,2020 at 1:08PM UTC
I think you need to try to do a better job in developing your relationship with your manager. Trust me, I know this sounds counterintuitive but it can help long term. For example, you mention that you were late at some point, it would be worth it to make sure you are on time to let your manager know they can count on you. Trying to be ahead of the game and making yourself look indispensable through grit goes a long way. You will become a better employee in the eyes of your manager and your manager will change the way they treat you. Give it a shot, what is the worst that can happen?
Lynette HallOctober 1,2020 at 5:24PM UTC
First, I am truly sorry you have been put through this. Feeling trapped is not a pleasant way to go about your work. That being said - I suggest you take inventory of your current skill set. You may be surprised at what you are currently qualified to do. Many states, counties and/cities have covid related professional development options. Find out what is available in you area and how to qualify and apply. Get your game face on and follow the game plan that will work best for you. The time will come when the behavior your boss is exhibiting will not be tolerated or ignored. Take the high road and plan your exit.
AnonymousOctober 1,2020 at 6:44PM UTC
Yes, I'm actually researching now for free online classes, certification courses and webinars to upgrade my skillset to become a librarian. I can't afford to do the full Masters degree right now, but at least I can connect with people and do what I can during covid-time. And yes, time will tell. Thank you.
Rosa GoesOctober 2,2020 at 3:59PM UTC
I've been in that situation before. I know how you feel. It affected my overall well-being, and everyday after work I felt exhausted. I agree with Lynette. Inventory your skill set. Take online courses on subjects that interest you. That's what I did. I also volunteered my time (this was before covid) at various organizations. I think now with covid there are many food banks to volunteer for a couple of hours. Doing all this will give you new perspective and help you think of better options. Sometimes we don't know what those are until we try. Start with a small step (we can't do everything!). I would also recommend journaling. I call it a "brain dump". It can be liberating to do that every day.
AnonymousOctober 2,2020 at 4:46PM UTC
Thanks for the tips. I went online and found some online courses to improve my skills so I’m excited for that. Anything to keep from losing my head lol.
AnonymousOctober 2,2020 at 4:46PM UTC
Also I use Penzu for journaling.
Rosa GoesOctober 2,2020 at 5:02PM UTC
Great! Who knows? Maybe it can lead to starting a blog, writing articles, etc. Glad to hear your journaling.
AnonymousOctober 2,2020 at 5:07PM UTC
I have a blog already: http://poetrybooksya.blogspot.com/
I even wrote a post about how music and books helped my mental health :)
JenniferOctober 7,2020 at 4:30PM UTC
Ugh. I have been there, twice. Both experiences were with the managers. One just wanted me gone because I had the same skill set and she saw me as a threat and the second one I tried really hard to work with as she didn't have a design background but was managing designers. I asked her if she wanted to know more about what designers did, I offered to help her with whatever she wanted to know but she would not allow it. She was the manager and she knew all. She even went so far as to tell me to "stop thinking outside the box". That is pretty much the worse thing you can tell a designer!
Managers who are what I would consider insecure are managers that need to make others feel bad to make them look and feel better. I am not implying that this is what happened in your situation but something to think about. Now is the time to see what you REALLY want to do. You might not be as boring as you think! I wanted out of the marketing department so bad at my old job I started to get interested in HR and now I do both for my current company! You just never know. Keep trying new things and learning new skills. You may find something you like!