What to say to a sensitive subordinate

Question

My manager is very very sensitive she is clearly new  in her role but does not like me speaking to her employees and direct managers. She wants to me to go through her on everything. This slows things down and she becomes a bottleneck. I have told her I will be going directly and she gets upset about it!! Pls help what can I say and how can I be assertive without upsetting her she is threatening to go to HR and my boss

Melanie · Answer

Ditto Ann, I was thinking the same.  Perhaps the manager’s  intent may not be insecurity as a new leader but a way to get to know the job, team, organization, etc.  This is her way of getting looped in.

Also, if it is a manager-subordinate relationship the new manager could consider these acts as insubordination and can loop in HR for advice on how to handle.

Anonymous · Answer

I am her supervisor , thank you for your attention. Appreciate your guidance

Anonymous · Answer

My boss' boss used to go around him to work with me directly and he confided with me that it drove him crazy! I get why you'd want to go directly to the source; however, you have a manager for a reason. If I was in her position, I would probably feel similarly if I'm honest. In a way, feels disrespectful to cut the manager out. If you think she is a bottle neck, perhaps consider what her work load might be and how much time is she wasting trying to catch up because she doesn't get the whole picture. Being frustrated that you're cutting her out of the line of communication seems justified to me.

I'd recommend talking to her and agreeing when it makes sense to make direct contact and what things make sense to run through her.

Käte Davis · Answer

Why do you need to go directly to her team?  If I were the manager, I might feel that I'm not effective at my job if you are going around me.  Also, as the manager, she needs to know what is happening with her team, so you going direct to them takes her out of the loop, and then she'd be blindsided if you had a question for her.  This might be a great opportunity, if you're higher in the organization, to really coach her on how the organization needs her to operate, and what the expectations are.

Louisa Adams · Answer

I agree with a previous poster, the relationship is a little unclear. Are you her supervisor, or is she your supervisor?

If you're her supervisor, I would sit down with her and walk through how the systems typically work, why she wants to be in the loop on everything etc. Come from a place of wanting to understand, not reprimand. It could be that she just wants to know more about the company. Ask a lot of open ended questions to get more information.

If she is your supervisor, I would recommend sitting down with her and a neutral third party (HR) and figure out what works best for both of you. This also prevents any potential misunderstandings and protects both of you.

M Elizabeth Ingram · Answer

Have you talked to your boss about what's happening?   Let them know what you're doing and where you need some help?

Anonymous · Answer

Agree with Ann. Why are you going to others when it's not your responsibility to do so? Your telling the manager that you are doing  so strikes me as passive aggressive. Remember what your job is. You are not doing yourself any favors here.

Marian Dyer · Answer

I agree with others that is seems the poster is the subordinate and it is her manager who is sensitive about her subordinates going over her head about things. I don't think that's an entirely unreasonable place to be - if there's work to be done, or complaints to be made, the direct manager should know first. If she's sensitive about it, maybe she was burned before by someone going to her boss without giving her a chance to take care of something on her own first - I think I'd be sensitive about that, too!

If, though, she's impeding the work getting done, that doesn't reflect well on anyone. I think you should have a talk with your manager, and be clear and non-judgmental about your concerns about working for her. Communicating really makes a big difference.

Maree Frakes · Answer

It's a little hard to tell from your post whether the colleague you speak about is your subordinate, or if you are hers... So I'll provide my suggestions for both situations.

If this colleague is your subordinate, I think you clearly need to explain your role as her manager/superior and the reasons why you need to go direct to certain people within the organization (your subordinate may not have this context). As an empathetic leader, I suggest acknowledging her concerns about this approach and asking what would make her feel more comfortable - e.g. would a weekly 1:1 or status report help her feel more comfortable? or even daily check ins/check outs?

If this colleague is your superior (i.e. you are the subordinate in this situation), you need to 'manage up'. You may disagree with her preference,  but perhaps you don't have the context of why your colleague wants to work this way. Perhaps you could say 'this way of working negatively affects my ability to be efficient, can you help me understand the forces at play within the organization that require this way of working so that I can better understand?'

Good luck.

Karisa Karmali · Answer

I would get more information on the why...

What to say to a sensitive subordinate

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