What to say to a sensitive subordinate

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Anonymous

11/04/20 at 10:56AM UTC

Management

What to say to a sensitive subordinate

My manager is very very sensitive she is clearly new in her role but does not like me speaking to her employees and direct managers. She wants to me to go through her on everything. This slows things down and she becomes a bottleneck. I have told her I will be going directly and she gets upset about it!! Pls help what can I say and how can I be assertive without upsetting her she is threatening to go to HR and my boss

14 Comments

Ann Schulte

185

Strategy Consultant | Team Leader | Mentor

11/04/20 at 1:58PM UTC

Is this her way of staying in the loop and learning the ropes? If so, is there a way you can debrief with her (daily, initially) to give the full download of what you've done, what you're planning to do, etc., until she is more secure? Does she see you as a threat? Perhaps bring it up as wanting to maximize her valuable time, rather than complaining that she is a bottleneck.

Ann Schulte

185

Strategy Consultant | Team Leader | Mentor

11/04/20 at 1:59PM UTC

Frankly, the way you write this, it's as if you are the subordinate.

Sarah Stadtherr

344

11/04/20 at 3:39PM UTC

Write your email or proposed words for a topic and email her. Let her comment or revise. Tell her you'll be sending this email or having this conversation with x, y and z by 2 pm so please give you her input by then. I have a lot of autonomy in my job but, when sticky situations come up, this is what I do. It let's my president know what's going on and gives him room to edit. Sometimes he comes up with some really excellent edits and sometimes he tells me to go for it because it's well crafted. Once in awhile he tells me I've blown it up and I'd better mellow out, but that's not too often now. You also need to discuss with her the fact that going by/through her causes an unnecessary delay. She has many responsibilities that you are unaware of and you must give her time to handle all of her things AND yours. Ask her if there's a good time to bring her this or that kind of problem. Would it be better to have a 5 minute meeting after coffee and morning emails (say 9:30) or maybe an end of day wrap up at 4:40? Whatever the case, she is a manager while you are not. She was hired for her skills or knowledge and you must find a way to work with her while still getting your job done.

Melanie

562

HR Leader giving my own two cents to help women.

11/05/20 at 8:51AM UTC

Ditto Ann, I was thinking the same. Perhaps the manager’s intent may not be insecurity as a new leader but a way to get to know the job, team, organization, etc. This is her way of getting looped in. Also, if it is a manager-subordinate relationship the new manager could consider these acts as insubordination and can loop in HR for advice on how to handle.

Karisa Karmali

736

Founder of Self-Love and Fitness

11/11/20 at 12:19AM UTC

I would get more information on the why...

Käte Davis

I help working moms leave office drama behind.

11/11/20 at 1:49PM UTC

Why do you need to go directly to her team? If I were the manager, I might feel that I'm not effective at my job if you are going around me. Also, as the manager, she needs to know what is happening with her team, so you going direct to them takes her out of the loop, and then she'd be blindsided if you had a question for her. This might be a great opportunity, if you're higher in the organization, to really coach her on how the organization needs her to operate, and what the expectations are.

Maree Frakes

Program Management Professional in NYC

11/11/20 at 3:52PM UTC

It's a little hard to tell from your post whether the colleague you speak about is your subordinate, or if you are hers... So I'll provide my suggestions for both situations. If this colleague is your subordinate, I think you clearly need to explain your role as her manager/superior and the reasons why you need to go direct to certain people within the organization (your subordinate may not have this context). As an empathetic leader, I suggest acknowledging her concerns about this approach and asking what would make her feel more comfortable - e.g. would a weekly 1:1 or status report help her feel more comfortable? or even daily check ins/check outs? If this colleague is your superior (i.e. you are the subordinate in this situation), you need to 'manage up'. You may disagree with her preference, but perhaps you don't have the context of why your colleague wants to work this way. Perhaps you could say "this way of working negatively affects my ability to be efficient, can you help me understand the forces at play within the organization that require this way of working so that I can better understand?" Good luck.

Marian Dyer

163

Don't be a jerk.

11/11/20 at 9:18PM UTC

I agree with others that is seems the poster is the subordinate and it is her manager who is sensitive about her subordinates going over her head about things. I don't think that's an entirely unreasonable place to be - if there's work to be done, or complaints to be made, the direct manager should know first. If she's sensitive about it, maybe she was burned before by someone going to her boss without giving her a chance to take care of something on her own first - I think I'd be sensitive about that, too! If, though, she's impeding the work getting done, that doesn't reflect well on anyone. I think you should have a talk with your manager, and be clear and non-judgmental about your concerns about working for her. Communicating really makes a big difference.

Anonymous

11/11/20 at 9:59PM UTC

My boss' boss used to go around him to work with me directly and he confided with me that it drove him crazy! I get why you'd want to go directly to the source; however, you have a manager for a reason. If I was in her position, I would probably feel similarly if I'm honest. In a way, feels disrespectful to cut the manager out. If you think she is a bottle neck, perhaps consider what her work load might be and how much time is she wasting trying to catch up because she doesn't get the whole picture. Being frustrated that you're cutting her out of the line of communication seems justified to me. I'd recommend talking to her and agreeing when it makes sense to make direct contact and what things make sense to run through her.

Anonymous

11/12/20 at 2:16PM UTC

Agree with Ann. Why are you going to others when it's not your responsibility to do so? Your telling the manager that you are doing so strikes me as passive aggressive. Remember what your job is. You are not doing yourself any favors here.

M Elizabeth Ingram

497

HR, administration, & benefits at work; mom of 2

11/12/20 at 2:55PM UTC

Have you talked to your boss about what's happening? Let them know what you're doing and where you need some help?

Louisa Adams

CX Associate with Management Experience.

11/13/20 at 8:44PM UTC

I agree with a previous poster, the relationship is a little unclear. Are you her supervisor, or is she your supervisor? If you're her supervisor, I would sit down with her and walk through how the systems typically work, why she wants to be in the loop on everything etc. Come from a place of wanting to understand, not reprimand. It could be that she just wants to know more about the company. Ask a lot of open ended questions to get more information. If she is your supervisor, I would recommend sitting down with her and a neutral third party (HR) and figure out what works best for both of you. This also prevents any potential misunderstandings and protects both of you.

Anonymous

11/13/20 at 11:10PM UTC

I am her supervisor , thank you for your attention. Appreciate your guidance

1 Reply

Carpe Diem

11/14/20 at 1:29AM UTC

I think you can have 1:1 with her and set expectations and agree on feedback mechanisms. Identify meetings or topics which will need to pass through her bec it is her accountability and put some pressure on timelines if the challenge is that things are slowing down, make her own up to her role, but there are also others that will need to go directly to ur direct report’s subordinates, example key deliverables for a project i assume that u are the project leader? And make her always on the loop. Hope this helps!