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I moved back in with my parents after living alone for 6 years (and they don't treat me like an adult)
I've been really fortunate that my parents have welcomed me home with open arms, but I feel like I've gone back to high school! While I don't go out much — and I'm not taking risks because of COVID — they're constantly wondering where I am and why I'm leaving, even if it's just for a walk around the neighborhood. I know I've chosen this and I should feel grateful, but I also feel like I'm not being treated like an adult. I'm not sure how to navigate this.
Has anyone moved back home or had their adult children move back in with them? Would love to hear from both sides of this!
Liz
Passionate About Helping You Achieve Your Goals!
69
09/22/20 at 11:28AM UTC
As a mom with a child who bounced back home and another returning from college, I can understand. We always had a rule of letting someone in the house know when your leaving and where (e.g. shopping or hanging out with friends). At this stage it isn’t about approvals, but courtesy and safety concerns. You just have to respect your parents house rules, and be that contributor as an adult while you are there. Again, it can be difficult transitioning from being fully independent and not telling anyone where you are going, etc. However, enjoy this time with them, as they are probably glad to have you there, even though it is an adjustment for them as well.
Heather Isley-SalazarAdm. Assistant in the Chicago-land area
193
09/17/20 at 4:51PM UTC
I moved back home when I was going through a divorce. I had lived on my own, managed my home and fiances, kept a steady job, basically adulting. This was about 15 years ago, and it was reality check. I had a curfew, I had chores, I was expected to help with meals and clean up. Now looking back on that time, with a mother's perspective, I totally get it. A phrase my parents used was I was allowed to perch, not roost. During this time, although I'm not a guest because I am their daughter, this is still their home. And I need to honor that this was an empty nest when I came to stay. Helping about the house, honoring their time to relax by coming home at a decent hour are all ways to respect your parents.
Teresa LaneArt Director/Graphic Designer
163
09/17/20 at 3:58PM UTC
Give them a chance to adjust as well. There's probably some level of just wanting to engage with you going on with their questions. They probably aren't completely comfortable having their solitude invaded but they want to help you.
You don't say why you're back home, I'm assuming it's not the most positive of reasons. They can likely sense your mood and worry if it's not good. They want to help knowing there's not much they can actually do. Sharing with them how you're feeling or calmly telling them straight out you feel crappy and don't want to talk about it might help.
Find something to provide regular casual interaction. Watch a TV show or movie together, you can all handle adult content now! Playing cards or a board game might be good, we're all low key bored right now.
Good luck, you aren't alone in this.
Anonymous
09/17/20 at 2:14PM UTC (Edited)
I know it’s hard but speaking as a parent of two grown young men, it’s funny when they went to college and moved out I was constantly worried but I adjusted , and I eventually was able to let it go, but when they come and stay with me , it’s like it was when they were in high school I worry more and I go right into mom mode , I know it’s crazy I know they are grown men and can and do take care of themselves really well, but when they here everyday I .. worry it’s like they are my responsibility .. I doubt your parents think your a child they just go back to patent mode again, my son is pretty good about It he laughs and says “ I’m a grown ass man” and then I laugh but he does tell me where he is going and with who, It’s like he understands I just can’t help it! But when he is at his own apartment I don’t really think about it , try to be patient they just slipped Into mom and dad mode
sommerEmpowerment Life Coach
140
09/17/20 at 1:53PM UTC
In this type of scenario your parents mean well. If you can I would recommend trying to get out as much as you can, a walk in the park or social distance with a friend. I would also like to suggest you set yourself some goals and place a reminder of them on a post it note in your room. These will provide you with something else to focus on than your current situation.
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