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Anonymous

11/01/20 at 11:38PM UTC

Career

Should I stay or go?

I resigned and while doing so my boss (the CEO) offered an interesting counter - he asked me if I would consider staying and submit a proposal that would offer some of the things I was leaving for. 1) relocating/being bicoastal 2) altering my role 3) comp. He also gave me a raise that he and the president had previously discussed (he was supposed to do this with my review in September but never got around to it). I was definitely caught off guard by the proposal request and agreed with no promises, as I am excited for the job offer I have and accepted, but feel it is a good exercise to figure out what you want out of life/an opportunity and would even help me shape the way I approach the role at the new company. Even though the timing isn't great, and could have been avoided if he had spoken to me in September, the opportunity is here now. That said, I have been stuck on the proposal and now wonder if I should submit - 1) it could be rejected 2) if it's not, would I then feel compelled to stay? Some back story - I have only been at this company since September 2019 (shortest job stint in over 10 years) and started looking for a new job/continuing my job search after a meeting a week before I started working there. I was very close to quitting pre-covid lockdowns. The last couple of months have been actually a lot better and my only concern was if it would go back to the way it was pre-lockdown when we returned to the office and I wanted to have another position before a return to the office. This return has now been pushed back to June and now I have the ability to reframe my position. How much is this worth considering in a place that for most of my time I did not see at future or longevity? My role couldn't change immediately as we would need to hire someone + train who would work with me and take over some of the responsibilities. I am concerned about the follow through on the transition though I would have a document outlining it so that I could push for things but the job offer I am considering offer the things my current job is trying to match and I would have to go back on my acceptance, if I stayed. Would love ideas on how others would think about this. I know this is a great position to be in and I am definitely grateful but still struggling. Thank you!

39 Comments

Katrina McNair

2.69k

Site Director and Online Educator

11/02/20 at 1:18AM UTC

Hello, I truly understand your dilemma, pain and fear. It's not easy to search for a new job especially when your current job isn't meeting your needs, skill set or desires. I find it rather strange that your boss would all of a sudden want to keep you, give you a raise and finally start to meet your needs while working. I would suggest if you are unhappy with this job find a better one or if you have already been given an offer from another job that meets your needs, skill set and desires I would go for it. I wouldn't wait until you become miserable with your current job and have to go back to the office to work. I would rather be confident in choosing a job that you feel comfortable and secure in. I hope this suggestion was beneficial to you. Sincerely, Katrina

Krista

11/02/20 at 2:50AM UTC

Think of the reasons you plan to leave, then try to visualize how much you think will really change by the promotion.. If you're leaving bad management or people, that probably won't change, but if you're leaving current role because of the work part, you might be able to make that more enjoyable. Also how excited were you about the new position? I've left roles just to run away from the situation and it wasn't better where I went to. Have you heard of a Decision Analysis? You write down what's most important and then rank the options to come up with a result, that might help, puts numbers to things. Good luck!

Christeena Burks

HR professional, entrepreneur & podcast host.

11/02/20 at 4:33AM UTC

Hello there, Congrats on the new offer. I would definitely consider the reasons you decided to keep looking. Maybe list out the pros and cons and see what aligns more closely with what you need. I agree with Katrina in that it is odd that your boss chose to follow through with the raise only after you resigned. As we know, money isn’t everything. If the new role is something you’re excited about, thought, I say go for it.

1 Reply

Susan Forster Edwards

11/04/20 at 2:03PM UTC

I agree with this 100%- make a list of pros & cons!

1 Reply

r francis

11/04/20 at 3:57PM UTC

Me too great advice

Jackie Ghedine

4.22k

Coach for Gen X Women | Jack Russell of Humans

11/02/20 at 12:03PM UTC

You're in a great position! The best time to leave your job is when you aren't unhappy in the job you're in, and the counteroffer definitely shines a new light on what you want versus what you have. First suggestion, write everything down. This is an exercise in self exploration. What prompted you to leave the job you have? What excites you about the new job? What would make you consider staying? What's actually better than the new position? What fears are coming up when you consider leaving for the new job? Is it comfort? If you don't take the new job, will you have regrets? If you don't stay will you have regrets. Spend some time doing soul searching and I know the answer will present itself.

1 Reply

Karen Mullin

102

Sr. Quality Consultant for Biotech and Pharma

11/04/20 at 1:52PM UTC

This is a good idea, but I would add to it. Look up how to create a weighted spreadsheet and put these criteria in there and evaluate both positions. This approach has never let me down. I'm sure you are extremely flattered by the counter-proposal, but the red-flag for me is that you were supposed to get a raise in September but your boss "didn't get around to it". It's kind of an important thing and that screams volumes of his management approach overall and what he really thinks about his employees and you, particularly. "When somebody shows you who they are...believe them."

1 Reply

Anonymous

11/04/20 at 3:49PM UTC

I'd second that. How does a manager "forget" or "not get around to" offering an increase to an employee for 2 months. As a manager, that is a big red flag to me. I'd look hard at that.

Kari Solomon

Resume Writing | LinkedIn | Job Search Coaching

11/02/20 at 4:46PM UTC

The big thing that jumps out at me is your desire to leave your current position shortly after you started it. Would all the elements that caused you to want to leave be eliminated in the new position? Also, you mention that you would have to transition your current role. How easy will that role be to fill? How long before you are truly able to start your new role? I also suggest you consider the supervisors that you would have in either role. Are they mentor material, and would they encourage your career growth? Lastly, in this age of COVID, you should consider how resilient the company is and how likely they are to survive and thrive in this market. Like you said, it's a good problem to have, but a dilemma nonetheless.

Laurelle Giovannoli

11/02/20 at 9:24PM UTC

Without knowing too much about the people you are working for, my instinct is telling me that you should take the new role and not stay. Since your boss was supposed to give you a raise in September but never got around to it, it tells me he doesn't value you enough to follow through with what he is promising you. I could see new responsibilities being added to your plate, with no replacement in site and no pay raise. I suggest starting fresh with the new company!

Alicia Mason

Retailer!

11/03/20 at 5:07AM UTC

Too little too late?

JYJ

1.33k

11/03/20 at 2:05PM UTC

Continuing to look after you joined is a huge indicator that something is very wrong for you with the current company. I'd pay attention to that. Also, it took you giving notice for them to do the right thing. That's never a good sign.

1 Reply

Anonymous

11/03/20 at 9:14PM UTC

Thank you. I was thinking the exact same thing. A company's culture is not something that is going to change overnight, and post-COVID is more likely than not to revert to what it was pre-COVID. This person knows that something was amiss in the current company long before the counter-offer, so if the new company checks out, I would be inclined to suggest the move.

LeAnn

11/03/20 at 3:29PM UTC

I agree with all of the above comments. I would also add that a counter offer often buys the employer some time to test your loyalty and possibly figure out how to replace you without being caught off guard (as they currently have been with your notice).

1 Reply

Anonymous

11/03/20 at 9:19PM UTC

Excellent point. Very often they want everything to be on their own terms, and make things very difficult afterwards, even suggesting that the person was "too demanding," when all she did was serve notice. This is why I don't generally suggest that one resigns with a list of things that can be countered. The "reason for leaving" is not a required component of a resignation notice beyond "I have been offered an opportunity that is more in line with my career objectives."

Victoria Rego

Reiki Master, writer, customer service

11/03/20 at 3:33PM UTC

Are the reasons you wanted to leave still going to be there I’d you stay? I was offered and accepted a promotion during COVID, which we all hoped would improve my views of the organization I work for. While my pay is slightly better, the feelings I had which lead me to wanting to leave are still there. I only bring this up because there seems to be more to is and if you’re concerned about what happens when it’s time to return to the office, I feel that those worries will still be Thera. Don’t let the fear of starting over keep you where you aren’t happy.

Sam Tran

Heavy Highway & Marine Construction Engineer

11/04/20 at 12:36PM UTC

He was supposed to discuss the raise in your review but never got around to it??? Big. Red. Flag. Your mind is already out the door. Go to the new opportunity! Best of luck to you.

1 Reply

Madam anon663

422

Learner, skeptic, direct.

11/04/20 at 2:13PM UTC

I completely agree!

Deborah Frincke

132

11/04/20 at 12:39PM UTC

You made a commitment to the new company. You are excited by that job. They want you as you are. Your current company only offeres a better environment when you resigned, and only if you wrote a proposal - no energy put forward on their part except the raise. Unless Company Current had no reason to believe you were unhappy, that's how they operate. Do you feel that you are comfortable going to such lengths again if you find further dissatisfaction later on?

Balanced935126

11/04/20 at 1:02PM UTC

This definitely a good time for reflection. However, look at this from you current employer's perspective. Why all of a sudden do they want a proposal and give you a raise? Did they realize they messed up and are trying to salvage the situation? Is the previous behavior going to continue after you get what you want? Then if you try to leave again or they going to ask for another proposal or lord this one over you? These are issues that need to be addressed as well as your own reasons because you need to think about what will happen on their side after you submit a proposal and if its accepted. Will you still want to leave? Also you need to think about the other company if you accepted a position there. You would owe them an explanation as to why you're backing out and you may lose that opportunity if you stay where you are.

Anonymous

11/04/20 at 1:49PM UTC

So you were supposed to get a raise 2 months ago but your boss "forgot" to give it to you and only remembered when you resigned? That's pretty bad. If you want to do the proposal as just an exercise, I think that's fine, but if you already have another job offer in hand I think it's better just to go with that. If you were already looking to leave shortly after you started your current job plus the only way to get a raise or move ahead in your career path there is to quit, then it doesn't sound like a good work environment for you.

Cyndy Trivella

Managing Partner, Media & Marketing Consultancy

11/04/20 at 1:52PM UTC

In my experience and with seeing this happen to others, it's sometimes an indication that the leadership recognizes that someone's absence would disrupt their business, and not disrupt in a good way. That said, if you feel your choice is the most right for you at this point in your life, you probably made a good decision. The one thing I recommend is to keep your options open for future opportunities, as there is still some tentativeness happening with this employer. Good luck!

IntentionGirl641183

11/04/20 at 1:53PM UTC

I don’t think you should second guess yourself on this. Your gut told you to keep looking, you did, and you found something you’re excited about. Trust that.

Amy Geffen

203

Plan your job search, overcome your fears.

11/04/20 at 2:03PM UTC

I agree with the comment, Too little, too late. Create a decision matrix with a list of must haves and nice to haves. Then also create a list of the pros and cons of staying and the pros and cons of leaving. I think there are more pros to leaving than staying.

Anonymous

11/04/20 at 2:05PM UTC

I have been in a similar situation twice. Once, I accepted the counter offer and once I walked away. When I accepted a counter offer, I ended up leaving a year later. The key factors that motivated me to look initially were not resolved, despite a bit more money and promises to fix things. I learned if I was that valuable to the organization, then the changes should have occurred without the threat of leaving. In the second situation, I did leave. Thanked them for the offer, but I was confident in my decision, and would assist with any transitions during my last few weeks (I typically gave a month's notice). It is important to weigh the pro's and con's, and feel confident in your decision to leave before you hand in the resignation letter. During my last transition, I handed in my letter, and stated that I was not interested in any counter offers, if they were considering that option. It relieved the stress of second guessing my decision. I have transitioned jobs quite a bit over my 32+ year career. Good luck.

Michele Mavi

Helping Professionals Maximize their Strengths

11/04/20 at 2:06PM UTC

I’ve written a lot about this and yes the conventional thought is never to accept a counter offer. But the truth is it really depends. If all you were being offered was a match in your new salary I’d surely say no. But in the case where you’re being offered an entirely new position there may be reason to think twice. In your particular situation it seems that making the move to the new place based on your short tenure with your current organization and your desire to leave rather early on. That said, if the situation were different where you had years of history with this organization and otherwise positive relationships, having them create a new role for you as a counter may he worth considering. It really depends. Sometimes it can be good to keep in mind that organizations don’t easily create new positions and right or wrong are often more reactive rather than proactive when it comes to employee development. That doesn’t necessarily mean that they have bad intentions though it’s important to realize that core things about the company won’t change regardless of your position. If those are the things causing you to consider leaving it’s probably best to make a clean break. Of course you should always consider the downside in accepting a counter offer but sometimes it can work out.

Madam anon663

422

Learner, skeptic, direct.

11/04/20 at 2:23PM UTC

I would be concerned that if you stay and accept the counter offer, there might be some lingering resentments on their end, and resentment on your end if they do not follow through with their offers.

Alyson Long

11/04/20 at 2:27PM UTC

Been there! It's such a frustrating and confusing plot twist. Mix in any loyalties you may have developed, plus your otherwise large chunks of employment and it only gets murkier. Before you dig into all the feels, review the facts that you presented: • unsure if the company was a solid choice when you accepted (and continued looking after being hired) • unsatisfied with your role and the support available (this is a company structure issue — as is their reactive approach to your resignation) • unreliable communication with your superiors — sure, stuff comes up but waiting 10 weeks for a raise and a follow-up from your scheduled review clearly indicates their priorities • unquestionable excitement over a new opportunity elsewhere that, I assume, is more aligned to what you expected and wanted from this job On paper, there isn't much to stay for. It's taken me many years to accept that sometimes we aren't a good fit for a *company* (not just a role) and that's OK. It doesn't make you a bad employee and it doesn't mean the company is pit of doom — it just didn't work out.

User edited comment on 11/04/20 at 2:28PM UTC

mcasterlloyd

Dallas EA; Writer, Artist, Graphic Designer

11/04/20 at 3:18PM UTC

Get the new offer in writing before you stay.

christa dodoo

11/04/20 at 4:15PM UTC

Hi, though this is a very enviable situation to be in, i suggest you make the decision based on what fits into your future plans. 1. Looking for a job immediately you joined meant something was very wrong. Don't forget that what prompted that decision is still there even though it may be masked 2. Never a good sign to have your bosses only realise your true value when you have another offer. 3. If they value your input and willing to support your career, a discussion on your future would not have escaped him. I think you should focus on the future opportunity you have been presented with and jump in with courage. The unknown may be scary but if you don't like the new job you can always try again and know that you took that step towards what works for you. All the best in making a decision with only YOU in mind.

Sophia Sullivan

11/04/20 at 5:22PM UTC

I agree with the comments that have said that you need to trust your instincts. If you didn't see a future there for most of the time you were there and your boss "didn't get around to" the raise, then there is a very good chance that he's "not going to get around to" putting any of your proposed plan into action. Having you submit this proposal is putting off the inconvenience (to him) of having to find someone to replace you. He's been telling you all the information you need to know about how he values you, go for the new job you're actually excited about!

Julie Foster Weldon

11/04/20 at 6:56PM UTC

All the commits above are on point. That being said (and not having any trust in what I am told by owners and managers), please take the new job now. Don't look back and regret the new company employment offer. I only say that because where was your HR manager/owner when you needed that raise and change in position? Suddenly they come up with a raise and accepting of your change in the job? Take the new job and spread those wings!

Sandra Slutz

11/04/20 at 7:33PM UTC

One thing you mentioned struck me as a huge red flag: your boss "never got around to" giving you the raise that was agreed upon in September. Giving someone a raise is my all time favorite thing to do as a manager! Not making time to do so promptly makes me question your boss's commitment to you.

Pippa

11/04/20 at 8:31PM UTC

A couple of thoughts: 1. You've been looking for another job for as long as you've been there. 2. Is the reason they counter-offered because they value you you or because they don't want to go through the hiring and training process? If they value you, why did they not show it until you gave your notice? 3. I think this is a key component to consider. You wrote; "My role couldn't change immediately as we would need to hire someone + train who would work with me and take over some of the responsibilities. I am concerned about the follow through on the transition..." Given that your September review and raise were forgotten until you gave your notice, once you've committed to staying, what is their incentive to follow through with the hiring and training in a timely manner so that you can reframe your position? My guess? It is more likely that you will continue to do the job you've been trying to leave as long as you've been there, as the timing will never be "right" for them to hire and train. 4. You have a new job offer in hand that you're excited about! Why give it up for a job you've never been excited about, and which will likely not change in the foreseeable future. Good luck!

User edited comment on 11/04/20 at 8:35PM UTC

Audrey Kirsch

11/04/20 at 9:59PM UTC

I would take the new job. I don't play that game of saying I'm leaving just so the company will beg me to stay. I know the offer if you stay was a surprise to you but do you want to go through this again for any promotion in the future if you stay. Plus, in good faith, you accepted the new position. You must have thought it was an interesting offer or you wouldn't have accepted in the first place. The honorable thing to do would be to take the new job. Good luck with whatever you decide!

Anonymous

11/05/20 at 6:03AM UTC

I just want to say thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read and share thoughts on my situation. All the comments have been so helpful, so I wanted to update everyone on my decision, which I do think I always knew was the right one but had a bit of fear about starting a new and challenging position. I am going to keep my commitment to the new company - which will give me a lot of thing I thought I was going to get from my current role. In addition, it fills a passive goal of mine at working at a well known global company, something I have thought was missing from my resume. Also, my new boss is smart, passionate, determined, but also lovely!

1 Reply

Sophia Sullivan

11/05/20 at 3:12PM UTC

Yes!! Being a little afraid of a new challenge is a great thing. It means it's a great opportunity to learn and grow :-) You're going to be amazing at it and your new boss sounds wonderful! Good luck!

Abigail Church

Organizational Development Professional

11/05/20 at 5:08PM UTC

This sounds tough! The one thing you mentioned that stuck with me throughout reading your post is that your boss was supposed to give you a raise in September, but never got around to it. As someone who has been responsible for managing people, that tells you everything you really need to know about what continuing to work for this employer will be like. If you are excited about the new job with the new company, I don't think you should spend time putting together a proposal for changing your role in your current company. Instead, give them the feedback they need to hear to be better for the next person they hire.