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Is this really fair?
GoodMorning Felllow God Bosses,
I'd love your input on a situation that I am experiencing at my job.
Recently, each of the Sr. PM within our team were assigned projects to manage- myself included. One of the Senior PMs has 2 children- one in high school and the other who is about to start college and as such, he has been dealing with the woes of homeschooling and prepping for college. Here is my issue. For the past 6 weeks- he has been unable to start any of the deliverables that he is required to complete, he is constantly asking for help and my Boss keeps assigning it to myself and the other Sr.PM even though our plates are already full. She is fully aware that we do not have children. As much as I understand the challenges that COVID brings and I don't mind helping at times, I do find it unacceptable that individuals such as myself- without kids- would be required to pick up the slack CONSTANTLY even though we're all getting paid the same. Am I being mean?
Jennifer Benson
Educator, Certified Pk-12
114
09/17/20 at 7:20AM UTC (Edited)
After being out of the loop for many years, I am saddened that some things have stayed the same for women. I wonder if a woman would do this to a single man, who does not have children, what the outcome would be. Would he even accept completing work that’s not his responsibility? Would there be consequences from management? Would she still get promotions? Would her employment be threatened?
Anonymous
09/16/20 at 2:09PM UTC
I like what Jackie had to say.
As for excuses? For all we know, he or someone in his family has just been diagnosed with something very serious and COVID-19 is an easy way of explaining the lack of productivity right now for him OR for his boss who knows the reasons but cannot say. Sometimes we bosses do everything we can to protect our valued people when the reasons are not anyone else's business (which is almost always true) and we are trying to practice compassion. The good news is that a boss like that is likely to offer you grace as well when you need it for a sick spouse, pet, parent, friend, etc. Ask about prioritizing. It's diplomatic and it keeps you firmly in the category of team player.
Also, as a parent and an executive, I've got to say, your comment about kids smacks of resentment. Your choice not to have kids is no more or less valid in the world than someone else's choice to have them. Life happens outside of the workplace. It would be nice to remember that you are someone's kid. Your parent or parents had to figure things out for you at all stages of your childhood and I guarantee that at some point the logistics of raising you inconvenienced someone else for minutes, hours, days, or more, and there was little or nothing your parents could do about it except apologize, ask for grace, and try to make up for it later. Who knows? Perhaps the school isn't supplying technology, your coworker can't afford to buy two new laptops right now and put a kid through college. Don't make assumptions about why homeschooling is challenging if you don't have the experience of trying to do it. You'd want the same benefit of the doubt in your life situations.
Give grace, get grace.
Anonymous
09/16/20 at 2:08PM UTC
No, it isnt fair, but also we are putting many people in impossible workplace situations right now. I do not have children and i have to say, right now i am glad. I cannot imagine the extra burden on top of an already increased workload. Since this PM has only been asking for extra help for 6 weeks instead of 6 months, i think its fair to say, they have done a great job of navigating the situation as long as possible and you may have to not be so quick to pass judgement. I would have a talk with your direct manager about YOUR specific workload, without trying to bring down a team mate. I try to think about how i would feel if i needed extra time due to an illness, family emergency etc
Kristin GreeneFuture of Higher Education & Workplace Learning
236
09/16/20 at 1:49PM UTC
The short answer is no, it isn't fair. I can relate to your situation. There is a lot of good advice given by others. I would definitely ask for help in prioritizing the workload and perhaps even see if there is a way to spread it to the entire team so one person isn't stuck with all of it. Sometimes it is easier to have these discussions when you aren't in the middle of it. However, at the end of the day, there is always give and take and I know others have had to cover for me when I've been out.
Mimi BishopBiz+Career Coach for Modern Gen X Women
1.33k
09/16/20 at 1:49PM UTC
Hi there. I'm glad you posted this question and I'm sure you're not the only person out there who is dealing with this kind of frustration.
I don't have kids either, so I can understand your point of view.
We are in unique times right now and I understand that for many they are dealing with a new reality that our societal structure does not really support.
Which brings me to my question -- is this behavior new for this PM? Was he someone who missed deadlines and didn't start projects prior to the pandemic? If so, perhaps it is something you would want to discuss.
However, if this behavior is completely different from his prior job performance it would most likely be a result of the pandemic. Is it something the team could discuss and put a plan of action together to help support your colleague during this time?
Rebecca Lee VOperations Analyst
2.22k
09/16/20 at 1:26PM UTC
I think he is using this an an excuse. His kids are old enough they should be able to handle home schooling on their own.
Jennifer BensonEducator, Certified Pk-12
114
09/17/20 at 5:03AM UTC
Totally agree.
Elizabeth Marie Scientist and M.B.A. Candidate
189
09/16/20 at 12:39PM UTC
I don’t think you’re being mean at all. As someone who has faced this same issue within the past year and also having to be out on medical leave—I think a meeting needs to happen here. Not being able to start on anything at all or at least contributing some knowledge on how to complete the task before passing it on is not fair. As the passer on I’d feel terrible to keep shoving the same people in a tight corner. I would want to lighten their load in some way. But yet it keeps happening to the same people-and I’ve also faced this. And once that starts—it does not lift easy! After a meeting about it, some folks will be frustrated at first but it truly is a matter of priority planning and who is a good fit.
Anonymous
09/16/20 at 12:15PM UTC
I would be grateful to my co-workers for the temporary relief and if it continued I would get outside help or perhaps take leave. In the meantime, are you receiving appreciation or recognition? I hope so. I was unexpectedly out for medical once --- not sure I was appreciative enough when I returned; I was mostly embarrassed. I have always been one to do it all and it was super confronting that I needed help and thanking my co-worker brought up my inadequacy. So my gratitude was most likely unfulfilling; I hope your co-worker is more mature than I was. However, this is in part a USA culture thing and I have seen articles and memes trying to change this. The USA is so individualistic (we were brought up this way), that it's hard on both sides.
Lady PeleRetired Project Manager
3.96k
09/16/20 at 2:11PM UTC (Edited)
What has your co-worker been doing for the last six weeks? Is he actively working on other projects and it's the new effort that is the problem?
As Jackie said, if the added work is compromising anything you're doing, it's fair to ask your boss to prioritize your work. It should also be fair to say, "As a team member, I support pitching in and helping one another out when the need arises. For my planning and time management purposes, what is the anticipated duration that these additional deliverables will be added to our plates?" Knowing that answer will help you juggle the added workload.
Ashaki BrownTechnology Portfolio Manager - New York
85
09/16/20 at 11:18AM UTC
There are times that as a team the other members will/may have to assist when a team member encounters an issue that is compromising their ability to perform their assigned tasks. This is one of those times. What may be helpful is your manager set expectations by working with all of you to set a defined date the colleague will be able to manage his deliverables, and at the same time rebalancing what is on your and your team-mates plates so that neither of you are unsuccessful completing your responsibilities along with his. BTW not mean, however it does come across that there maybe some resentment. Take a step back, and breathe. Potentially your manager is reassigning the tasks not because you don't have children but because they know that between yourself and your teammate you are up for the challenge.
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