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How much do you tell in an interview?
My husband has had prostate cancer for almost 8 years. It's coming back again and it will be terminal. He figures he has about 2-3 years left. Meanwhile, I'm trying to get back into the job market so I can have insurance and extra cash to cover for when he is no longer able to work.
Do I tell them that at a job interview? I've hired people before and I know I would appreciate knowing this, but at the same time, it could make me unemployable.
Advice?
Alyson Long
39
11/16/20 at 6:01PM UTC
Oh, Tonya — what a heavy burden. My heart goes out to you and your family. Your strength is quite an inspiration.
I majoritively agree that you should keep the details private; particularly if you're dealing with a 20-something HR girl. However, the implications of your husband's health and how it will affect your work in the years to come should be considered. Unfortunately, the costs of treatments and palatitive care can make an organization's insurance expenses skyrocket — and you do not want to be left looking for a new job at the worst possible time.
Focus on you in the interview and spend a few months building a good reputation with your team/company. When you've settled in, take up the discussion with someone of seniority, such as a director or VP whom you trust. They can then advocate on your behalf much more effectively than if you're trying to cut the red tape alone.
Luaskya NononDEI Practitioner and in-house corporate attorney
204
11/13/20 at 3:42PM UTC
First of all, I'm sorry to hear about your husband. I pray that you and your family will be able to really enjoy this time together. Secondly, you do not owe a potential employer anything besides honesty about your skills and ability to do the job. They are not entitled to ANY information regarding your personal life. NONE. Good luck!
Anonymous
11/13/20 at 3:12PM UTC
Let me share a true story--analigous to your situation--which a friend of mine, a nationally famous photographer, told me. My phitographer friend was invited to sit in on Broadway auditions held by an equally famous director friend. One actor was clearly the standout on theses callbacks (a callback is an audition after the original one and the actors who are most promising and talented at that first audition are invited back for one or more callbacks so that the casting people can progressively winnow down their choice to the one they like best for the role). He acted, sang and danced the best by far. But the director did nit choose him. Baffled, my photographer friend incredulously asked wht? The director answered, "Because he needs it [the job] and aI don't want to be responsible." He went on to explain that the actor, who was very poor, passed out from hunger at the first audition.
My photographer friend and I both would have considered that a reason to all the more hire him: he's the best qualified PLUS he desperately needs the job. But then again my friend and I are human beings with hearts as opposed to casting people who are the entertainment industry's analogue of H.R.
Hind A. Washington
31
11/13/20 at 2:48PM UTC
I'd absolutely NOT share any of this information with any potential employer. Who knows, you may like the company. Sorry to hear about your husband :(
Christina NavarroBusiness Execution Consultant in North Texas
160
11/13/20 at 2:36PM UTC
Oh goodness. First off, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how difficult this situation is for you.
I think this is such a hard question, but I see it from both sides. I knew I was a few weeks pregnant when I interviewed for a different role, but decided not to tell them because I was afraid they wouldn't offer me the job.
Now, they can't discriminate against you for this situation, but they might find another reason not to offer it to you. I wouldn't disclose anything yet because if you don't get it, you won't know whether it was due to your qualifications, situation, or something else. However, I would fill them in a little bit after you get hired, just so that it's not a shock when you need to take time off.
My thoughts are with you!
Balanced935126
121
11/13/20 at 2:13PM UTC
Praying for you both.
I was always told not to mention it in an interview and for a variety of reasons, some that you've mentioned and some others in response have mentioned. Keep it private unless you don't have a choice. If you find your using the time off excessively or you're missing/almost missing deadlines, have a talk with your boss and HR. You may eventually need to use FMLA and for that they need to be aware. It may be unpaid due to length of employment but its there. Its a serious issue and they cannot deny you. Plus, they cannot tell anyone else. However, don't talk until you need to because in reality not only it will possibly hurt you, its none of their business.
Also, considering the circumstances don't be afraid or too proud to ask for help for him or yourself. This is what friends and family as well as other avenues are for. Don't hurt yourself talking care of him because it doesn't do either of you any good. I say this because my neighbor is wearing himself out taking care of his wife.
Beth ScottBe the change you want to see
79
11/12/20 at 3:49PM UTC
Lots of prayers for your husband and your family. I agree with all that say don't mention it. This is very personal and, as you stated, may make you unemployable. There's absolutely nothing wrong with taking a job for the insurance (though if you have to disclose it as a pre-existing condition, that's necessary). When the time comes that you will need to take time off, then you speak to your supervisor about it.
Michele Burling
195
11/11/20 at 5:21PM UTC
Tonya, prayers for you and your husband. These can be rough times for you, keep this group in mind should you need to reach out, seems many here will provide a listening ear and support.
I would not, not bring up in interview, and if and when time comes that it must be discussed, discuss with HR first before going to your boss, especially in a large corporate culture.
If a small biz, no HR, definitely be open with your boss and offer to readjust your schedule as you are able, with their blessing... maybe 4-10's instead of 5-8's..., etc.
God bless you and your husband through this trying time.
Jessica JamesCollaboration Consultant & Attorney
36
11/11/20 at 5:11PM UTC
I agree with the sentiment here - I would not disclose this fact as you can't know if it would hurt your chances. I wish you and your family the best.
Anonymous
11/11/20 at 5:04PM UTC
All my prayers for your family! I agree do not mention it. Your private life is your own and no ones business. Good luck in your search.
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