Devalued

Question

I had a manager completely devalue my work, my experience, and my knowledge/skills to another employee today.  He told me that despite months of work designing an online program, the person creating the program site has the right to make changes as she sees fit, even if that means changing learning outcomes, assignment criteria, and module flow of activities and learning objects.  That basically all of the work I (and the SME) put into building/creating the program didn't matter because the program site builder had been with the company longer and had more knowledge of the program than me.  I'm sad not just because he devalued me, but because I constantly run into relationship issues like this on the job.  Having the knowledge, skills and experience isn't enough.  If I don't make things easy and don't cause any 'waves,' I'm no longer valuable.  I hope you all aren't treating your employees this way. :(

Amy Carissa Oliver · Answer

Tiffany, I'm glad you're taking all of the feedback as very helpful. I've read through all of your feedback and feel that things will go much smoother for you in the future.

There are a couple of things I want to touch on for you, to hopefully create some additional a-ha moments for you, coming from similar personal experiences.

I noticed that you referred to the site manager 'appearing' and that nobody told you what her role in your project was. When a person 'appears' in my projects, I make it my business to ask them.  For some people the mere idea of this can feel confrontational, but it doesn't have to be. It's not only acceptable but critical to reach out to a person and say, 'Hey there, XXX, I am reaching out to everybody on the project so I have a really clear understanding of what everyone is doing on the project and how we can work together best. Do you have a few minutes to chat?' Don't wait for people to tell you critical information.

The other thing is that our work can often feel very personal, a deep extension of ourselves, but 95% (a made-up but relatively accurate statistic) of what happens to us at work isn't a personal attack. Know that you're not in the wrong for your feelings, but you need to take a step back so you can review and manage them. Even though I've been working for many years, and am now a director, I still occasionally have these moments because my work is very much connected to my heart and I put everything I have into what I do.

But work gets edited. Sometimes work get scrapped. Sometimes the person in charge decides they don't like it. Sometimes, the plan changes right at the 11th hour. Sometimes, what you've created has to changed to fit into another parameter because of limitations nobody knew about.

Last night (yes, really), I spent 35 minutes telling my best friend that my boss 'devalued me and didn't know what she was talking about, etc' because she annoyed me and hurt my feelings over a project I had put a ton of thought and effort into.  My best friend and I are great for each other because we provide balance moments for each other. She said to me, 'You are talented and you are amazing and this is not about the quality of your work. This is happening because your boss needs something specific from you and didn't get it.' My response was, 'Why doesn't she just tell me what it is?!' And my genius best friend said, 'Because she doesn't know what it is, but she knows what it isn't.'

This morning, I woke up and thought...'You know what, this isn't about me and this isn't about my work. I am amazing and I know it. That's why I have this job. This is about her.' I learned something from the experience.

So, your feelings are valid because you are allowed to have feelings.

However, manage those feelings. Learn to divorce yourself from the things you cannot control, at least so that they don't eat you alive. It's still okay to feel bad that your work didn't publish as created...for five minutes...and then brush it off because it isn't about you. You created quality work. There is no question whether it was quality work; you know that it was. The question is whether the product was what was needed.

Importantly, too, remember that what you're creating has to work for your work and for what they're trying to accomplish. Here's a really good example. Have you ever heard of or read Stephen King's book, Carrie? It's been a high-grossing film twice and sold over a million copies in 1974 (that's A LOT). And it's a phenomenal piece of literature. But, it was rejected 30 times before a publisher accepted the manuscript, and then it went through multiple rounds of editing. And this is Stephen King. It happened because the book wasn't what publishers needed at the time...30 times. If King had let that really get him down and let that devalue him, he wouldn't have gone on to publish more than 60 novels and more than 200 short stories, tons of which have been made into blockbuster films, like The Shawshank Redemption, Stand by Me, Pet Sematary, The Shining, IT.

There are definitely some communication issues coming from all sides at your organization. Some are yours, some are the site manager's, some are your boss's. Everyone has a role to play to here.

I can't tell you that it's any better at most other organizations because human beings are notorious for creating communication errors. Control what you can control, which is the way in which you communicate and the quality of the product you create.

And if I may suggest, consider getting a copy of Crucial Conversations by Patterson, Grenny, McMillan and Switzler. I use this book to help me through a lot of tough situations.

So, quick take: This isn't about you or the quality of your work. Be proud of what you're doing. Remember that just because your work isn't used exactly as you created it doesn't mean that your work doesn't have value. Just because someone is making changes doesn't mean that what you produced wasn't good. Love your work, be proud of your work, allow yourself to accept criticisms and changes, and keep moving.

sara diaz · Answer

Hello Tiffany. First, don't take others' comments personally. Look at your involvement; it is important to know yourself, so you can asses other's comments. People can only react or respond through their own filters; many people are hurting, especially now. You don't have to embrace someone else'e low self esteem, especially when they act in untoward ways. Now to the solution:
One of my most valued observations over the years has been that in many (if not most) organizations, 'scope creep' is present on projects.  This factor can lead to such conversations. May years ago I had the great good fortune to be at aconference and find myself in the elevator with one of the keynote speakers. I was working at the time for a major university and every. single. project. would change the goal posts mid stream. Not only was it maddening it made it impossible to reach goals. That happens when the goal posts are constantly moved. It comes from project coordinators who have NO FAITH IN THEMSELVES AND THEIR CHOICES. It is very challenging to deal with people who second guess themselves and move the goal. It becomes very unproductive. 
SO...I started using what I would call a Project Scope Document. At first it was challenging to get  middle management to acquiesce ; I made it a requirement for any project. The executives appreciated it. 
This document is quite simple on the page, yet so incredibly effective. First meeting on a project was just to ask the questions, fill out the form and state objectives and deliverables. Then I would take the form, type it out and send it to  the 'client' asking them to read, make corrections additions, etc., and send it back. No project would begin without a signed off Scope Doc.  On this you must be firm. This is a way for the 'client' to actually think about the goal of the project in real terms and give the project shape before embarking on a path. Should the 'client' decide to move the goal posts you have a document for accountability. It was a critical method to remind the 'client' of the stated goals (often times, mid-project shifts are not in alignment with the originally stated goals; this is a way to keep the project focused. This also helps you in annual work reviews.  I used this at the university and especially with my large corporate clients. Whenever they would change the direction of a project, or the originally stated goals, with this simple document, their change of direction came with a check for the new direction. And they would do it without whining, because their signature was on the doc! Good luck!

Anonymous · Answer

Tiffany, this general level of upset feels like an overreaction, Is something else going on with you that could be affecting your stress levels?  I may be projecting my own experiences onto your story, but to me it seems as if your broad technical experience has earned you the more thankless and solitary “heavy lifting” role on this project,  not the “final say” role. It is very, very common for an upper management person to pop up at the end, review work that was spec’ed, that everyone approved, what have you, and and undo whatever they don’t like without explanation, and for all intents and purposes that person decimating everyone’s work product is the “customer,” and the customer is always right. Expectations that you have any control over whether s/he collaborate with you, tell you what standards they follow (can you find this out yourself in company file shares or corporate communications?), answer your emails, that the manager value and champion you at this stage may be unrealistic and making them uncomfortable. It’s possible that none of these people have time for this right now or could have a more subdued 1-way communication “transactional” style. Your manager might have made some assumptions that you have been working for a while and already understand all this, and he might not be in a position to “go to bat” for specific things you did or validate your contribution until the dust settles and the project is finished. Bottom line, to get the collaboration you need when you need it on the next project, work on managing this extreme-ish level of upset in private for now and think about what you have learned from this experience and areas to improve on when you get the next assignment.

Tiffany Smith · Answer

I wanted to provide an update. Just as I was about to implement many of the strategies listed here to make sure future projects weren't impacted in this way, they fired me.  I found out that the faculty I was working with (on the latest project) had been working with my manager previously, and the program developed previously was created without learning outcomes.  The previous program was loaded with video content and each module ended with an assignment and a self-study assessment.  The activities weren't aligned to video content, and no previous documentation existed to support the work.  I reached out to others in the organization to help, so I could revise the plans for the current course, and the faculty said they didn't want to work with me.  I asked them to do things they didn't have to do previously.  That, with the issue I had with the site developer, caused me to lose my contract.  Lots of lessons with this experience.  I'm recovering and looking forward.

Julia Piras · Answer

It seems like you and the other guy , the graphic web designer, should work together as a team. It seems like you have more in-depth knowledge of the contents for the website , like you said learning outcomes or reading materials etc and the other guy has more a technical base knowledge. My advice is work together even if  your manager is putting you two apart.

Caroline Platt · Answer

Many others have provided excellent guidance for future products. However, what I find appalling is that your boss told another employee about his concerns. This feedback should have been given to You first and privately. Going behind your back and telling someone else first is some elementary & middle school girls do!  It’s very unprofessional.

Karen Gongaware · Answer

I would suggest printing out all emails between you and the Site Builder and anyone else. This is your paper trail, CYA! Worked for a company for a short while and they would send an email to an employee, then delete the email and claim no knowledge of sending anything, if the work went south. These owners would delete everything from the server to cover themselves. Hard to in court when I had the hard copies! Lessons learned.

Anonymous · Answer

This happened to me when I was told the last few years I was of no value - to my face.  (This, after I poured my heart and soul into the company).  I made a tough, but right decision to resign.  But, I took this season of difficulties and took steps for me and set boundaries.  Our mental health is important.  No one should ever de-value another.  Keep moving forward and you will find a manager and team who will show you just how amazing and valuable you are!

Julia · Answer

Hang in there Tiffany! You are amazing and valuable. Don't let others tell you any differently!!

Devalued

You're invited.

See what women are sharing on Fairygodboss.