Omg , it’s 2 am and I’m stewing in how mean women are at work , I do work with a lot of queen bees that are all of the above on this blog.

Mystery Woman

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Anonymous

12/19/20 at 1:39PM UTC

Omg , it’s 2 am and I’m stewing in how mean women are at work , I do work with a lot of queen bees that are all of the above on this blog.

And thought it was me that was the a hole .. but clearly there are a lot of under developed emotional I Q ‘s .. the social isolation, the lies that get told about me at about my work, and when I do make a mistake no matter how small , I get a passive aggressive email asking my Why there is a mistake?? (I mean who doesn’t put a label on crocked once in a while) I have been there almost 4 years and enjoy the work and the hours just not the atmosphere!! I will never probably never fit in. And it just makes me sad , the grown women I work with do not see anything wrong with this behaviour.

15 Comments

Anonymous

12/19/20 at 2PM UTC

There is a meme I saw yesterday: "Is this preschool, or high school --- oh, wait, I'm at work". So sorry for the toxic, hostile work environment. I take it there's nobody up the management line to model respectful behavior? (or it's too far up) Because my situation was chronic and turned hostile I called it in and contacted HR. There was correction, but not enough (and probably not sincere enough). Not my sandbox anymore. I'm applying for a position where one of the first things a current employee said (with awe - tells you about her past workplaces too) is that mistakes are ok. Business as usual: accepted and resolved collaboratively when needed. Duh - that's as it should be in my book. I'm a recovering perfectionist who makes few mistakes, but with a lot of work, there are going to be some. Wishing you well as you navigate your options.

1 Reply

Anonymous

12/19/20 at 2:28PM UTC

Im so happy that you had the confidence to start looking elsewhere!!! I don’t think people realize how brave and exhausting that can be ( looking for a new job) . I too have high volume work so if every 100 items has a petty mistake so be it . Good luck also fellow recovering perfectionist!!

Anonymous

12/19/20 at 2:04PM UTC

Have you spoken to you direct supervisor? Or is “she” one of the problems? Maybe you need to go to HR or your bosses boss. What about your annual reviews? Have you received them and how have they been? If they are good, then maybe they are pointing out the small mistakes because they wouldn’t expect them from you and are bringing it to your attention. Unfortunately no matter where you go, you will encounter individuals (regardless of their gender) that their behavior is not in line with yours. But from what you are saying, it seems like this is the company’s culture. If it is, maybe it’s time to look elsewhere. “Stewing at 2am” because of the atmosphere you work in is not good for you, and your work product at some point will be affected. If you really love working there, talk to someone. But I wouldn’t do it now because based on your post you still seem to be very upset and emotional and what you want to get across, won’t come out the way you want it to.

Anonymous

12/19/20 at 2:22PM UTC

Yes .. The boss and the bullies have worked together for years and he lets them do what ever they what .. and if I went to him he would say work it out . And I agree I should of left after I was hired. But I thought I could be the role model of squashing the passive aggressive school girl behaviour.. I thought about bringing it up in the annual review but I didn’t want to be the complainer .about behaviour and keep it about the work . And u are so right it’s company culture produced by 4 women that are high performers . This is why there is high turnover. Hardly any one gets fired they just make u uncomfortable until u quit , I was just hoping it would go away the longer I have been there. Who has the energy to be this rotten especially when we all no better.. so happy I found this site .. I’m clearly not alone

Anonymous

12/19/20 at 4:14PM UTC

Its easy to say get a new job, that’s the obvious, right? But instead of stewing about personalities you have no control over.. embrace the childish nonsense and change how you react to it. Remember there are a lot of personalities in this world that we may not agree with. If there was a lesson this year it was inclusion...that being said, take what you’ve learned from these women, the work experience from your position and apply it when looking for a new job...

Karisa Karmali

604

Founder of Self-Love and Fitness

12/19/20 at 4:56PM UTC

Hyenas run in packs, try not to internalize insecurity. Do you like your job otherwise though? Can you confront them politely?

1 Reply

Anonymous

12/19/20 at 5:10PM UTC

Yes I love the work.. and the hours and the amount of vacation time .. I have recently confronted one of them. She was saying I was not handing stuff in to her .. and told all the project managers this .. when I asked her about it she completely denied saying anything at all and said they all miss understood her.. there is no way 15 of them miss understood . I did it very politely by email and the next day she was at my desk begging me to believe her.. she is known to lie a lot .. and has self promoted herself , somedays it is exhausting. I do let most of it go but this time I spoke up .. ohh and I above her on the org chart .. how do you combat a liar behind your back and then some that’s says I never said that?????

1 Reply

Karisa Karmali

604

Founder of Self-Love and Fitness

12/19/20 at 6:02PM UTC

Can the project managers see through it? The thing is, you called her out on it, which is awesome. From that point on, could you take a detached / aloof approach, meaning still call it out and speak up for yourself, but have faith that the truth does prevail? And you are worthy and deserving of ALL the benefits that the role has to offer. Let the insecure little liar sink herself. Insecure people thrive on a reaction... Keep calling it out as it happens if that's what you need / prefer, but try to avoid giving her control over your mind, not sleeping well weakens your mind. Self-care is how you take your power back. I would see how it goes once you start owning your power over your response / reaction and your right to be there. This very much sucks, no one should have to defend themselves from liars in the first place; however, think of it as a game, try to have fun seeing her beg for you to believe her, tip the power imbalance she is creating by lying. If you hand in work / submit work, is it not done via e-mail? Can you cc yourself to show you're tracking it or cc project managers to stop her from accusing you of not submitting work? What I would not do is correct her approach / way of communicating since you're not a therapist, just paper trail your work submissions to proactively stop her lies. She will eventually see this behaviour bite her, but I truly do not believe she is worthy of your peace of mind, which she probably wants.

User edited comment on 12/19/20 at 6:19PM UTC

1 Reply

Anonymous

12/19/20 at 6:15PM UTC

Yes when they send something to me , I respond with a thank you let them know I pass on everything to this person, some do but some are wondering..

1 Reply

Jodie Johnson

208

Integrity Matters!

12/19/20 at 5:34PM UTC

I'm sorry that's happening to you. It's so sad and unfortunate how rampant toxicity at the workplace has become. I know it offers little to no comfort to say it's nearly everywhere. People just cannot get out of this small-minded mentality and they take all their baggage and all their arrested-development into work with them. Hugs xx

Marisol Caballero

You can lead and still be humble

12/21/20 at 2:23AM UTC

If you have been there 4 years and nothing has changed, I don’t think anything will change now unless new leadership comes onboard. I know it is easier said than done for people tell you to find another job but here is my thought on that. Do the work on yourself to try not to respond and react to the nonsense. Some days, however, will be rough and you may go home exhausted and burned out by the childish and mean girls behavior. Try and try again to rise above it but if it is costing you too much stress and draining you mentally, I recommend you make a decision on whether you can put up with this long term or if it’s time for you to begin looking elsewhere. I was in a similar situation once and it was draining for me. I never let them see me sweat but at the end of the day, I was exhausted with the high school behavior and the passive aggressive bullying. The good thing for me was that I continued pushing back, tried to solve it as diplomatically as possible, but when all else failed, I had to get the leaders involved. Fortunately, they respected what I had to say and helped me changed that toxic culture within the department. I wish you luck and remember to stay true to yourself. Do not compromise your mental health or your professionalism for anyone. You deserve better.

User edited comment on 12/21/20 at 2:26AM UTC

1 Reply