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Chitalu Ruth Nakaonga
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178
Social worker in SA
10/15/20 at 1:53PM UTC
in
Career

Here's what I know from having worked in a toxic environment

Toxic environments are born from power corrupt seniors who thrive on making those under them feel worthless and unimportant. I tried so hard whilst working at my previous workplace. I was there as an intern but I tried my best to work as though I was an employee, all to no avail. I became a shadow of myself and was left with absolutely no confidence. I questioned everything, my education amounted to nothing. I dreaded everyday that I had to show up to work. In all honesty I blamed myself. I told myself I was inadequate and immature. To cut this entire post short, to anyone that might be experiencing a toxic environment, I want you to know that it is not worth it. There are better workplaces out there that value their staff and the input their staff put in. Do not doubt yourself nor you abilities. You did not work hard to be a professional in what you do only to be disrespected. You deserve better and you will find a better workplace. I may be unemployed at the moment but I am glad I am having time to reflect on the kind of workplace I know I deserve. In my situation, I'd be tempted to accept anything as long as its a job, but that would be a mistake. Hope this helps someone,

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Chitalu Ruth Nakaonga
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178
Social worker in SA
10/18/20 at 8:03PM UTC
Thank you so much for taking the time to give a response. Its amazing how I thought a lot of people would not be able to understand my perspective but as it turns out, a lot of people have experienced and are still experiencing toxic work environments!! I just feel its so unacceptable to have to endure workplaces that make you feel less than what you actually are. What hurts me the most and what I hope you can move away from and blossom, is the damage and side effects caused by such toxicity. I am glad to hear another success story (I count it a success story to the extent that you were able to finally get out and be free!).
Anonymous
10/18/20 at 5:21PM UTC
Thanks so much for sharing this, Chitalu! I can completely relate to your experience. I also spent a few years recently working in toxic work environments, but was able to finally get out. Even a few years later, I'm still working through some of the confidence and self-worth issues from those experiences. Something I learned from going through these types of experiences is now knowing what I don't want in the future, when something doesn't feel right instinctively, and when boundaries are being crossed (and that it's ok to have boundaries). I'm glad you were able to find the strength to honor yourself and move forward. This post sounds like it definitely resonated with a lot of people and is an inspiration!
Chitalu Ruth Nakaonga
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178
Social worker in SA
10/18/20 at 2:34PM UTC
Thank you so much for sharing. I honestly know exactly how it feels!!! At some point I felt that I could endure working there when an opportunity opened up but I realized that it was not worth it!!! Even though I'm unemployed, I'm happy with my sanity and peace of mind. I'm just so glad you were able to get out???
Tiffany
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22
Financial Director in Fayetteville
10/18/20 at 1:12PM UTC
I wouldn’t wish the experience on anyone. It was the lowest part of my life. I had no idea how to get out. I would come home some days and just cry. I slept all the time - honestly, I think because of how depressed I was. I went in each day just waiting to be screamed at for something else. I didn’t realize how much it messed me up until I got out, but honestly, there’s not enough money in the world to make me go back to somewhere like that.
Maria Molinari
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565
Team Lead / Project Coordinator
10/16/20 at 8:26PM UTC
Yes yes yesssss! This is 1,000% true to the T! A toxic environment really does suck the life out of you. My previous job was toxic (even though I worked from home) I gave my all to the position, the company, my peers, I went above and beyond. It was toxic to the very end, I spoke with my manager and shared my feelings and she said to me “I’m not going to talk you into staying” wow, you think that little of your top performer? The one who did so well you got compliments from department managers, a lighter workload as I was helping etc and that is what she thought of me in a nutshell. So, I left, never looked back and now looking forward to the future! Thank you so much for sharing this!!!!
Anonymous
10/16/20 at 4:47PM UTC
Thank you! Your post definitely helped. I am sure you will find something great because you have such a wonderful attitude. We will make it through this chaos. <3<3<3<3
Chitalu Ruth Nakaonga
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178
Social worker in SA
10/16/20 at 3:30PM UTC
My word. Your experiences and the result of it is extremely horrible!! I hope you continue to bloom into a strong and confident filled person!!!! I am happy to have read this because this is exactly what I went through. To the extent that my supervisor told me I was the problem for having lacked confidence but the truth is toxic environments strip us of our confidence and voice. Thank you so much for sharing this. It means so much to me to have such a wonderful response to my post. When I shared it, I wasn't expecting so many wonderful people to share their own experiences and then share their encouragement. Just as there are some horrible people out there, there are definitely good people that exist. I hope you and I, can find wonderful new opportunities with amazing people?
Anonymous
10/16/20 at 3:01PM UTC
Oh my Chitalu, thank you so much for putting this out there! I was there myself and I felt so alone. Not that I'm happy that anyone has to endure this, but it makes me feel relieved that I am not alone. I definitely now feel as if I have post-traumatic stress because of my previous job. I had a boss and coworker who were so toxic that I resigned from my job after only five months. I'm even afraid to not post this anonymously least they find me on here. I haven't been able to focus and find another job because I'm scared I will end up in a similar situation. Therapy has helped and I feel solace knowing I'll never have to see them. I blamed myself for lacking confidence and allowing myself to be a "door mat", but I recently was informed that most of the staff quit due to the "Terrible Two" as we all referred to them. I'm sad that others had to leave as well. Long story short, I have regained some confidence and honestly, just reading through posts here, has helped. Now, I need to muster the courage to find the right job and the right culture fit to be happy and enjoy my work again. Thanks, and best wishes to anyone else having to brave through this turmoil.
Anonymous
10/17/20 at 10:46PM UTC
I could have written that. I want to post with pride for navigating a toxic workplace - but similarly don't for fear of increasing retaliation. I hope once I'm out a year or two from it I can do so. I also am having a hard time with my job search in the face of the past disparagement and near daily microaggressions. I need some space from it to recover. Similarly - with or without the next job. Wishing we find the inclusive workplaces where we can thrive sooner than later!!
Anonymous
10/16/20 at 10:19AM UTC
Well done for leaving Chitalu! Thank you for your post! I find that we often dont talk about the trauma of being in toxic workplaces. I share your experience and I stayed for 7 years in an academic work environment. Public belittling , micromanaging, bullying was normal. One coworker ended up in psych-ER and later disability leave but it was covered up as "he was fragile". My boss was proud of me, called me his best navy seal soldier. Yes I became tougher through this environment but at what cost? I remember being called into boss office to help at 7.00 am- a male coworker was crying and shaking in the corner of the room during a career meeting-I didnt feel a thing besides thinking "damage control" and I draged him out of there. I have left this place and I have a new job, but I find myself having PTSD, nightmares and flashbacks. I was participating in the cover up by mentoring new employees in how to deal with harsh meetings by compartmentalizing and focusing on the bigger goals. This trauma will never leave me.
Chitalu Ruth Nakaonga
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178
Social worker in SA
10/16/20 at 12:38PM UTC
My goodness!!! Definitely sounds like you went through a lot. Thank you so much for sharing. I have sensed the tendency of other employees not dealing with problematic power mishandling directly but rather using the phrase "you'll get used to it". Which is more damaging that ever realized. Thank you for a very valuable share, I hope things get better ?
Anju Babu
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24
Presales Architect at Atos
10/16/20 at 6:16AM UTC
Thank you so much for sharing, Chitalu. It must have taken great patience and perseverance to navigate such a toxic workplace. Hey! But, "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger", which you realized promptly. Many of us I believe have been in such situations where we question ourselves and our own superpowers - all I can tell you from my experience is, be kind to yourself while you are going through it, and while you are reassessing your actions. Looking around one might realize that there are others who are suffering as well. Small and random acts of kindness and appreciation usually makes a huge difference.
Chitalu Ruth Nakaonga
star-svg
178
Social worker in SA
10/16/20 at 6:29AM UTC
You are correct. Thank you. I genuinely appreciate this response. I think often times I forget that it is just as important to be kind to myself as it is to be kind to others.

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