I have a friend who is an Emotional Vampire. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/emotional-freedom/201101/the-5-kinds-emotional-vampires-you-could-encounter
Anyone else watch “What We Do in the Shadows”?
I’ve known her for five years now. When I first moved to my new city, we got along really well and had a lot in common. Over the last couple of years, though, things have changed: even though she’s four years older than me (I’m 31) I’ve grown up far more than she has. I’m now married, my husband and I bought a house recently, I built a 6-figure company from the ground up, I’m a published author with a major University press, and then...there’s my friend. She hasn’t had a real job in two years, is in a dead-end relationship with a man she complains about constantly, never has money, always has drama with other friends or family, and is sick or complaining about various illnesses on the regular.
When things weren’t as obviously bad, I hired her as a contractor for my company. It was an easy, remote job, but she was terribly unreliable and full of excuses for why projects were late or RIGHT before the deadline when she had weeks to do them. I had to nicely fire her after a year, giving an excuse that I needed a more specific role for my organization. I was honest enough with her, though, telling her how it frustrated me that she brought excuses and was late on projects. She got snippy and fought back, later half-accepting my feedback.
I’ve about had it with her complaining and inability to make a change in her life. She will call me and ask for advice, but then tell me why none of it will work, or she will pretend to take it and then later say how “xyz happened so I couldn’t do that.”
All that said, she has a good heart. She’s a good person, and she’s had a lot of trauma in her life. I don’t want to be the source of more trauma, but I can’t listen to her nonsense any longer. I find myself groaning when I get a text from her wanting to hang out. When I do go see her, I leave feeling exhausted and used: the only thing she does is talk about how hard things are.
I think I’ve just outgrown her. Do I dump this friend? And how? Should I stick it out and slowly fade away, hoping she gets the hint?