The Starter Mentor

Question

I remember seeking out career advice in school.  Repeatedly, I was told to find “A Great Mentor.”  Early in my career, I was assigned a mentor.    I liked my mentor, and I looked up to her.  She was a successful partner in another division.  One day I asked my mentor if she had any advice for approaching my supervisor regarding a brief period of schedule flexibility since I was between child care arrangements.  She looked at me blankly, and then laughed.  “No,” she said, “I waited until I made partner to have children.  I have no advice for you.”   I left her office stunned, but I also appreciated her candid response.  She could only mentor me to the extent of her experience, which it turned out was narrower than what I had come to need.   She could only be a starter mentor.  So when looking to yours for guidance, perhaps consider your source.  Maybe it is time to find more mentors, or at least, the next one.

Alexis Gladstone · Answer

This is such a great reminder Rachelle and I love how you were able to turn the experience into realizing what you needed at the time.

Hopefully people will have a lot of different mentors during their career. At times you can even have more than one depending on the various perspectives you need. Maybe one who focuses on strictly on your career or maneuvering your organization and another one who can help with the work-life 'blend' aspects.

I also tell women that our mentors don't need to always be other women. We can learn a lot from men too!

Cara Houser · Answer

Thanks for sharing. Such an important thing to remember. We all take different paths and can give/receive different types of support at different points in our lives. Her response was a bit rough but you took the best from it you could and moved forward. No one person can meet all of our mentorship needs forever.

Paulla Fetzek · Answer

I'd like to reply from the side of one who's mentored many times in my 30+ year career.

First of all, I can't imagine someone would expect that I can assist them in all aspects of their life.  Mentors typically have a particular talent - or skill set - or knowledge, that makes one want to glean from them.  Which is why people should choose different mentors for different things.

I am always highly honored when someone asks if I'm willing to mentor to him/her.  Before I even agree to start, I ask the person what he/she is hoping to gain.  If I feel I can't be of benefit - I have no issue immediately saying so.  I know my limitations - both personally and professionally.    And don't want to waste time [theirs or mine] if I can't help.

Now, I've had mentees  ask me questions/for advice on  subjects I don't know.  If the question is still applicable to what I'm mentoring him/her on - then I'll research it.  If, however, it's  'off topic' (so to speak), I'll honestly tell them it's beyond what I can help with.

My advice to people looking for a mentor: Know what you want to glean from the person.  Make sure you approach people who can help you obtain this goal.  It's not fair to you - or them - otherwise.

Alyssa N. Batchelor, M.S. · Answer

I heard on a podcast (I believe is was a School of Greatness Episode) that really we should have a team of mentors at different ages of life, some older, some younger, so you can look at your professional goals from many different angles. People are indeed limited, but there’s no shortage of people out there!

Jesyca Fuenmayor Bello · Answer

Agreed, I think having many mentors is a good thing. Over my career I’ve tried to identify people(Men/women) I can ask advice from and have them all as mentors at some point. At the same time, I tried to reach to several different young professionals (mainly women but also men) that may be needing the additional support and offer mentorship, even if our profiles don’t match one to one. I think it’s important to have people available to support you in several different situations and understand what role they play in your professional development and what impact we can have in younger generations. It’s a away of building a community and growing together

Maria Paula Calvo · Answer

Rachelle, thanks for bringing up such a valuable topic! Through time I learned that mentors are those persons we look for to learn from their experiences and that is extremely worth it because it provides us with tips that may help us move forward smoother or even accelerate our careers with solid steps, just by copying patterns they have developed on their own. And this is a great tool, but it depends on us as mentees to take maximum advantage of the experience. The mentor will not tell you how YOU have to act, the mentor should tell how how he / she acted on a similar scenario from the one you have today. How to apply his / her experience to your case is a matter of your direct personal reflexion and discovery. With all this in mind, I advice having mentors with a broad range of different experiences, and I agree we need more than one depending on our personal momentum and our needs.

Anonymous · Answer

I would like to know how you determine the goals of a mentor and how to find one. I have had a couple in the last 5 years and neither have really fit. Wondering if anyone else had a method or plan to share?

Marguerite Thibodeaux, Leadership & Career Coach · Answer

I agree with the comments above that different mentors have different strengths to share and you can always benefit from having more than one mentor.

You might also consider a coach. Coaches aren’t restricted to their own experience or network the way a mentor is when helping, since it’s a different type of help.

C Giuliano · Answer

Hi, while I agree not every mentor will be equipped to handle every situation, a good mentor should be able to provide you with possible  resources  to look to when s/he doesn’t have the answers. My direct reports often ask questions that I don’t have immediate answers to, and I always let them know that I will look into it and get back to them. The same holds true when I am mentoring someone.  I would never leave someone hanging just because I haven’t had a particular experience myself.

Sophia Peake · Answer

Thanks for sharing this story. This is a great lesson that we're all walking different paths and that we meet different people for different needs/time-periods in life. She served her purpose for the time being. I see this happen with friends as well. We have friends that are 'equally- yoked' so to speak Career wise and then we have friends who we've know forever that matches us in many other ways.

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