I am an over 50 graduate student and full time statistician at a VA where I am also a disabled vet patient. I have been having difficulty for a while with short term memory, cognitive and physical functions and started having trouble at work and classes - missing details in emails, work and assignments, getting dates wrongs for meetings, dropping things and being unable to find the words I need when speaking. I finally discovered that my symptoms were related to a medication the VA is using off label to address physical chronic pain (the VA discontinued opioid medications for most vets and replaced it with other things). I was thankful to discover that my symptoms are reported by other people taking this medication (gabapentin) and its not in my head. My dosage was reduced because I wanted to wean off it, but I couldn't due to the physical pain - it leaves me a choice between severe pain or brain fog. Regardless of this, I did severe damage to my graduate program and I fear I am done. I missed my first supervision hour, and missed my first practicum class because I got the dates wrong. With Covid, and moving to online and other things I got confused but I was the only one, and there are no excuses accepted. My agency supervisor is not answering my emails asking to discuss this, and I am waiting to hear from my professor if missing the first days means that I am done. I am trying to find out if my VA doctor can write a letter explaining about the difficulties I have had with gabapentin, but I am afraid that I am already a 'whiner', 'irresponsible' 'excuse seeker' etc. I don't know what to do because I am being ghosted and if don't know if I am going to be asked to leave the program. I blew it, I know it is my fault, and most of the MSW are probably going to answer me that yes, this is irresponsible and no, this is the end, but I just wanted to get it out of my head. I feel like the biggest idiot.