Still Reeling
One year ago this month, I resigned under duress from a Director of Education position where my supervisor (a “spiritual leader”) ran a one-sided, silo-ish, chaotic congregation - using her old fashioned human resource framework. I spoke up where I saw dysfunctional approaches and put words to a long time conflict and she saw this as insubordination. Here we were, a liberal, loving faith tradition and she was using quasi-military tactics to try and control me so she wouldn’t look inept.
I was in the middle of a career transition and 58 years old when I got let go (for all intents and purposes, that is what happened). I was relieved to not be working there anymore but knew I would be in for a rough ride. I’d just moved to a part of the country where the vocation I had been transitioning to was not well represented. I moved to help my family get through a great loss, knowing I would be sacrificing a lot. I ended a 17 year relationship by moving (one that should have ended, if I’m honest). I took myself away from the kind of lifestyle I loved. Finally, I gave up a lot of security. Now here I am back in a conservative environment/state where I can’t find meaningful work and when I do, I don’t make the final cut. It’s clearly age discrimination and in truth, I lack depth of experience after a career transition. I have immense insight and many transferable skills ... so I spent the last year trying very hard to re-invent myself with new consulting and subcontractor work and even substitute teaching. When the pandemic hit, it all bit the dust.
Recently, out of shear necessity, I returned to my prior profession which I left because it’s physically grueling and I cannot possibly perform well, much past a few more years. I have no plan except to continue providing care for my elderly parent who is barely hanging on mentally, considering she’s a person with all her cognitive skills in tact but uses a wheelchair and lives in a locked down assisted living center. They’ve been quarantined for two back to back 14 day stints with no promise of letting visitors in anytime soon. Three or more days a week, I visit by window and take her treats, needed items, reading materials and try to teach her how to use an older iPad I supplied her with so she can stay connected to the outside world. In return, I get free rent living in her house (my childhood home.)
I hate my life with every breath I take. I have lived a full life with many cool experiences but I didn’t think it would end by moving back here. Of course this year has been extraordinarily difficult... unprecedented!!
It is my hope that all of you take this virus seriously and continue to wear masks and take precautions. It is my hope that Supreme Court Justice, Ruth Bader Ginsberg’s legacy does not get completely undone. And finally, it is my hope that we (older, younger, Black, White, conservative or progressive) learn how to respect each other and live in greater harmony.
Every good thing that can happen, often times starts with one person or one gesture and then expands to others. Just keep that in mind and make a promise to humanity to live empathetically and with grace and dignity ... because you simply never know the details of someone’s backstory.
Browse recent posts
I’m expected to graduate till June 2023, and researching for entry level Computer Science roles but till no luck.
Did I start the job search soon?
0 Likes • 1 Comment
I recently had a world-wind and whirlwind vacation overseas traveling throughout Europe.
I fell in love with the architecture, culture and people's attitude regarding work and life.
After working in the NYC rat race for 20 plus years, I'm ready for a change and am open to where I land. I'm done with a need to climb the corporate ladder and instead focus on living life while being able to support myself.
Is there any easier EU passport to obtain as I've had ancestors from all different countries on both sides of my family tree. Instead of trying for a work visa, I'm hoping if I can obtain EU citizenship that would make it easier to work abroad. I'd appreciate your advice!
2 Likes • 3 Comments
Hello!
My manager, the second one I’ve had in my 2 years in this position, is leaving.
Ok, so my organization is great- great people, work-life balance, benefits, etc. However, since I’ve been there (will be 2 years in November), both of my managers i had have/are going to leave for really great opportunities outside of our org. While I’m super happy for them, i am concerned about how it’ll potentially impact my career growth. I’d still be doing the same work just reporting to new people, which may change as they hire on a replacement. Which is annoying to start the manager/employee relationship all over again.
My manager is leaving in a few weeks and is invested in making sure there’s a plan in place for who i report to when they’re gone. I guess my question is what would you ask them/consider during this transition phase? I was hoping to start the “it’s been 2 years, I’d like a raise or at least something to help with inflation” conversation but I hate doing this, it’s always so awkward. At the same time, it may be best to get the ball rolling on that to see what can be done prior to my manager leaving?
any advice is welcome, thank you :)
0 Likes • 1 Comment
Hi all - ok this is a first.
The new boss, promoted from within, and I are a bad fit, to put it mildly. I put in my two weeks’ notice, and she replied that I could leave tomorrow.
Here’s the twist: I WANT to stay for two weeks, to put files in order, to coordinate with co-workers the processes for future events, and to finish setting up a Dropbox account for my department. Most of all, I work in a retirement community, and want to ease these beloved residents into the knowledge that their trusted friend is leaving them in good hands. They just lost the last ED without notice and took it badly.
This new boss rules with a cudgel. She starts all discussions with No you can’t do that. She changes my plans on ginned-up reasons (e.g. she canceled my bus trip due to “insurance changes” which had nothing to do with the trip). She lays down the law, and when advised of an error, she doubles down and tries to blame the victim of her error. She refers to staff members as “bodies,” and cares for the residents based on the level of their rent checks. I can’t get away from her fast enough.
Still, I have a good plan for leaving, and as you can tell from the above description of her, any discussion is going to go badly.
any and all advice is much appreciated!
1 Like • 8 Comments
Need help with app development
Hey everyone, I'm planning to develop an enterprise-level application in C++. It's a bit of a daunting task for me, and I'm looking for some guidance and advice. I have experience in C++, but this is my first time working on something of this scale. Any tips on where to start or resources to check out?
0 Likes • 2 Comments
Hi all, I’m based in the United Kingdom looking for a remote HR role
I have 2-3 years HR generalist experience and looking for a company that allows remote working anywhere in the world. Any suggestions on which companies provide this benefit?
0 Likes • 0 Comments
Share your insight
Join an authentic community that helps women support each other at work. Share your professional experience or ask for advice — you can even post anonymously.