I need help and advice.

Anonymous

September 7,2022 at 4:42AM UTC

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I need help and advice. I have been unhappy at my job for a while. The reasons are varied and I won't go into them here. I have been looking for another job for over 6 months. My job is pretty rare and no one can afford the pay level I would need to move on. I have 10 years of experience in a job that is just starting to become a true profession. To put it simply no one can afford me and my level of experience. I don't get paid poorly at all but I cannot afford to take a pay cut. So one of my coworkers who I used to manage our team with offered me a chance to move to her client facing side of the team. While I was skeptical I accepted. I figured I was bored doing what I was doing and having new responsibilities and things to learn would be a good thing. I have been with the team for a month or so and with in the last two weeks "they" the leaders, have decided that rather than hire project managers to replace the ones we have lost that we, on the client facing side could just do the job. I have a certain set of skills and being a project manager is not among them. Not to mention I have no desire to acquire those skills. I was moved to the team to train clients and be a SME and do demo's of our products. I did not agree to be a PM because my company will not hire truly qualified professionals. SO I shared my concerns with my manager, perhaps more bluntly than I should have, but we have had a good relationship till now. Since becoming my manager she speaks to me like a child and I always feel like she is disappointed in me. I am shadowing the other members of the team to learn the new role and I have very little to do so I am continuing to work on my old tasks until I have more to do or learn more. I told her today that she needed to give me things to do and she told me I should be stepping up and taking things from my team members who are overwhelmed...for a job I don't know and don't yet understand. I have told them both I am willing to help but only one of them has given me a thing. Then she tells me to today that "there may be a trust issue with me." That makes no sense. I asked her to elaborate and she could not. I haven't been with that team enough for there to be trust issues. When I continued to ask for guidence she just told me I should be doing more. But in truth I don't know what to do or what she expects. I cannot go take work from the other team members. I have done what they have asked, attended the endless meetings and have been told that for now I am just to shadow them. So that is what I am doing. She told me today, because I have said I am willing to go back to my old team if I am not what she is looking for. Today she told me I need to make a choice. I reiterated that I do not want to be a PM and she told me I have no choice if I stay on her side of the team. Also I was told there will be no raises for increased work and stress...so there is that. It feels like she is telling me that all of it is going to suck and there is nothing good about it. I will be in a roll I am not qualified for. I will likely disappoint becasue she seems to have a grand problem telling me what she expects. She is always upset and I take stuff like that personally weather it is me or not. The other two memebers on the team are upset too but apparently are willing to just give it the old college try. I am not so plyable. So am I crazy? Should I shut the hell up and do my best though I may fail? I wouldn't even care about that but the whole team is tense and angry and they are acting pissy toward me because I am not meeting some imaginary role that they haven't told me about. I don't want to guess and be wrong and piss more people off. I am wrong to ask them to tell me how they want me to help? I actually got an eye roll when I asked that today. Frankly I see no redeeming quality to staying in this new role. I mean work is work, but flat out telling me this is going to suck and there will be nothing good about it is a shitty selling point. Maybe I am just a bitter old woman...who knows. I don't know what to do . Part of me wants to go back to the other side of the team where I was comfortable, but part of me is excited but learning something new. But I cannot take the negativity that I am already getting off my new manager. Other employees who have been under her warned me how bad she is. I thought it would be different with me because we had a good working relationship as co managers. I cannot believe how wrong I was.

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AnonymousSeptember 7,2022 at 5:19AM UTC
This is clearly not the right fit for you. If your original position is still open, I would advise moving back to that team and waiting for a more realistic opportunity to come along or actively look for another job.
I get the niche problem, and that would apply to my field as well. But this team and this manager are unlikely to improve over time.
AnonymousSeptember 7,2022 at 5:37AM UTC
With respect, you seem to be at best ambivalent about stretching and learning new skills to fit into your new team.
Your letter focuses on your dissatisfaction and lack of desire to learn the project management side of the job, rather than on any feelings of excitement or challenge. You would benefit by adopting a more positive and proactive mindset.
I think that your current manager has been generous in attempting to work with you and in offering you an opportunity to return to your old job if you prefer.
If you want to stay in the new role, I suggest committing to it and embracing the opportunity to learn project management, a useful and transferable skill. You also might ask your new boss for guidance on how best to step up in this situation, or approach individual colleagues to ask how you can best help them as you are learning.
If you prefer to return to your previous role, how can you make it more interesting and challenging to you? Or, if you’d prefer to do your job on autopilot (no shame in that if you’re doing the work well), is there another area of your life (hobby, children, volunteer work, exercise program) that would engage your interest and light your spark?
Please notice the tone of your letter, too. Your lack of enthusiasm and feelings of frustration and resignation are pervasive. I wonder if you might be depressed? See your internist to rule out physical causes and consider seeking some counseling to help you move to a more positive mental state.
Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistSeptember 7,2022 at 6:03AM UTC
YOU SAID:
"but part of me is excited but learning something new. "
You don't sound excited about learning something new. I get that you might not want to be a PM but that's become part of your new position. You need to either get with the program or get off the train. This role does not sound like a good fit for you nor does the manager.
I'd recommend you either move back into your previous position or find another role in the company since you're convinced there's no options for you in another company.
AnonymousSeptember 7,2022 at 10:03AM UTC
You stated "To put it simply no one can afford me and my level of experience.
"
If that's the situation, I'd either be more competitive with the salary or accept it as it is. Many people don't get paid their true worth-- no matter the field. There's a fine line between confidence and narcissist.
I didn't read this entire note, but it appears you aren't a good fit. As you know, no job is perfect. If you can tolerate 85%, lucky you!!!
Simply put, it might be time for you to find other opportunities.
AnonymousSeptember 7,2022 at 6:29PM UTC
Thanks for your reply. In truth I am not being a narcissist. I am very much over paid for what I do. What that means is that my company has some golden handcuffs on me. While there are quite a few jobs open in my profession no one pays as much as my company. So therefore, no matter how unhappy I am I cannot take a paycut without crippiling my family financially. So while I would like a new job the financial issue is a big one. I have had several interviews with various companies who cannot afford to pay my current salary or more. So I am stuck. It is my fault that my family and I are not in a great financial situation but it is what it is.
AnonymousSeptember 13,2022 at 12:57PM UTC
I feel for you. Working at my company I have felt similar. Everyone and then I try to take a breather from the work and think about the skills I have and the skills I want. And I try to still do the day to day but also strive to get those new skills too. And I periodically search both internally and externally for jobs that look interesting. I take note of the skills difference and think about how much time I would need to spend to gain new skills if I wanted a job like that. Not sure if this input helps.
oh yeah, I also write down the reasons why I work in the job I do. This helps me continue on in a job I’m not always excited about. For me I have some flexibility in case my toddler is sick and needs to stay home I can flex and wfh. Having that job helps my family save for retirement and college.
thanks for posting!
AnonymousSeptember 7,2022 at 10:12PM UTC
“This is long so skip now if you don’t have the spoons […] or brain power:” This.
So odd and off-putting, I can’t believe I read the first 300 paragraphs…. Good luck!
AnonymousSeptember 8,2022 at 8:26PM UTC
wow you are really rude. Someone comes here for help and you are an rude b**ch to them. Hope you are not a manger.
AnonymousSeptember 16,2022 at 2:21PM UTC
I agree. I read that first part and skipped to the comments to see whether anyone even bothered to continue reading...I learned all I needed to know just from that inro.
AnonymousSeptember 9,2022 at 1:56AM UTC
Do yourself a favor and read between this lines. Your manager wants you out of this role! You’re clearly not a fit for each other and she sees no reason to invest any more time and effort in your development.
Despite the rarity of your job and self-proclaimed expertise, it doesn’t sound like you’re getting a rose in this rose ceremony!
Suffering is a choice so start aggressively looking for a new job. This gravy train is coming to an end real soon.