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I did it, I broke up with guilt
Research shows women are more prone to feel guilt than men. Society has taught us to take care of others, don't hurt anyone's feelings and to be the peacekeeper.
This all leaves us feeling guilty about our choices at every turn.
It's time to break up with guilt.
This pandemic has increased the guilt women are feeling;
— Guilty they can't spend enough time with their kids and their schoolwork
—Guilty because they are distracted half the time while trying to work
—Guilty when the lose their patience
—Guilty for saying 'no' to their kids who are begging to see their friends
Ladies, we need to break up with guilt - he isn't serving you well.
What have you felt guilty about and how can you get rid of guilt?
[email protected]
155
05/15/20 at 10:09AM UTC
For mother's day, my daughter's card was: 'Yell at child. Feel guilty. Drink wine. Get irritated with child again. Repeat cycle.'
How appropo for mother's guilt, aka women's guilt. We feel guilty for spending too much time/not enough time, for cleaning the house/for not cleaning every corner and high surface, for having a job/for not making enough to hire help, for having to cook a meal/for not cooking a gourmet meal, and we need to STOP!
Selfworth, self respect, self care - all need to happen for us to fulfill our 'super-power', which is taking care of all around us... whether intentional or not, we do because we can.
Take the time for you, and it will come back a hundred-fold!
Jackie GhedineCoach for Gen X Women | Jack Russell of Humans
5.82k
05/15/20 at 10:49AM UTC
I know that cycle all too well. LOL
Marinette EspartinezTax Manager
32
05/15/20 at 4:59AM UTC
Now that WFH, I'm feeling guilty that I sneak in 1 or 2hrs of webinars in some of my workdays. But I know, I benefit from those webinars.
Jackie GhedineCoach for Gen X Women | Jack Russell of Humans
5.82k
05/15/20 at 10:48AM UTC
This is your form of self care and in we need to find those. WFH we work longer and harder, more demands and everything that would have taken 5 minutes in the hallway with a quick chat means a 30 minute phone call. Relinquish guilt and say to yourself, I deserve this!
Tiffany Wesselski
12
05/14/20 at 7:45PM UTC
Guilt about asking for a increase in pay and title. As soon as the pandemic hit, I was moved groups with more visibility in terms of company performance, less experienced people supporting me, and more responsibility in terms of decision making. It was a position they created, and left me in the same management role that I was before, and same pay. I wholeheartedly believe I should be increased in pay and title, but I feel guilty with the economy the way it is, people not having jobs.... I feel like I should just be thankful to have a job.
Jackie GhedineCoach for Gen X Women | Jack Russell of Humans
5.82k
05/15/20 at 10:47AM UTC
Tiffany, having empathy and compassion for everything that is happening is very human and that's what we all need to be right now, a little more human. That said, your worth, value and amount of work don't decrease because of an epidemic and confidently communicating that to your boss isn't in bad taste or judgement.
They may not be able to do anything now, but you don't know unless you have this conversation. Remember, discuss what your doing to benefit the organization and increase (profit, efficiency, productivity) in this new role and what the long term positive impact will be on the company. It's all about positioning.
Worst case scenario, they say no.
Good luck
Katie MaloneSocial Media Manager + Mother to two daughter
1.28k
05/14/20 at 6:24PM UTC
I love this and the comments... So much guilt over the amount of TV/iPad time my kids are getting. Why doesn't my husband ever have guilt about that?? Ha!
Stephanie DershawHR Director | Coach | Mentor |
64
05/14/20 at 8:57PM UTC
There should be NO guilt about iPad or phone time right now! We have had to step up to teach, provide childcare, coach, counsel, be a nurse and many other roles while trying to work at the same time! Do whatever it takes to give yourself a break and some self-love!
Jackie GhedineCoach for Gen X Women | Jack Russell of Humans
5.82k
05/15/20 at 10:43AM UTC
Agreed Stepahine. And to add to that, we should recognize that this is how kids connect now and with social distancing (my daughter hasn't been with friends in 9 weeks and is an only child), we need to encourage social in other ways.
Jackie GhedineCoach for Gen X Women | Jack Russell of Humans
5.82k
05/14/20 at 8:26PM UTC
OMG Katie - my clients have been saying the same exact thing, guilt over their kids screen time or guilt that they tell their kids they can't help with their homeschooling exactly when they want because they're working full time. We need to give ourselves a break.
Stephanie DershawHR Director | Coach | Mentor |
64
05/14/20 at 3:48PM UTC
Unfortunately as women, we seem to fall into the trap of guilt. Heck I even feel guilty for not answering my phone even if I am busy! BUT I've been trying very hard to focus on self-care during the "stay home" time, and have been taking time for myself. And guess what?!?! My kids are FINE, my family is FINE...no one is dying because I am taking some time to take care of me! :)
Jackie GhedineCoach for Gen X Women | Jack Russell of Humans
5.82k
05/14/20 at 5:32PM UTC
Isn't it funny how when we look objectively at something we realize all the good we've done? And I guarantee that everyone is even better then FINE!
Julia MolinaroRecruiting & Candidate Experience Coordinator
25
05/14/20 at 1:26PM UTC
Thank you for this! My team has recently downsized (again) and due to the pandemic we are not backfilling. My role is squarely based in a support function by nature, but we've had to transition some responsibilities back onto my busy coworkers as I simply don't have the bandwidth to continue under my expanded remit. This has left me feeling incredibly guilty, as it has been "my job" for the last few years to manage all of this, and I know everyone else is just as busy. Still battling with the guilt, but coming to peace with it more and more as I've realized how much more productive I've been in areas that provide more impact. So it's a process but I'm getting there. It's helpful to see I'm not alone!
Anonymous
05/14/20 at 4:17PM UTC
How have the managers' been messaging about this? Or has it been up to you to communicate and mitigate?
Jackie GhedineCoach for Gen X Women | Jack Russell of Humans
5.82k
05/14/20 at 3:08PM UTC
No, you're not alone and the emotion of 'guilt' has increased tremendously.
Guilt is showing up for my clients in so many different ways from guilt for not being able to help their kids enough with their schooling to survivor's guilt for NOT getting laid off to guilt for not being able to see their parents. Guilt is such a strong emotion and if we can learn to be kinder to ourselves and recognize we are doing our best, we can slowly readjust our emotional connection to guilt.
Julia GivensHR professional looking to get out of my own way
43
05/12/20 at 6:19PM UTC
I'm struggling a lot with guilt. And questioning myself, "why can't I focus?" "why can't I get it together?" even though I'm preaching self compassion to my team and my friends. I feel guilty not going above and beyond not just with work but also with housework. It's so hard not to get caught up in the grind of it all.
Jackie GhedineCoach for Gen X Women | Jack Russell of Humans
5.82k
05/12/20 at 8:48PM UTC
It is amazing how we can be so compassionate, forgiving and empathetic for others yet for ourselves, we are super demanding (and many times downright mean).
Julia, what I would suggest is a few things. First, take a look at the expectations you have around those areas you're feeling guilty. Why do you have those expectations? What purpose do they serve? What is at the real core of those expectations. You may be surprised that it's fear, worry, imposter syndrome. Once you dig into those expectations you can then start to figure out how to manage them and reinvent them to be in alignment with what is really important.
The grind, especially now, is harder for women then it's been and we need to give ourselves permission to adjust the way we operate in this new world, before we burnout and it's too late.
Let me know what you come up with after asking yourself those questions, I think you may be surprised by your answers!
Anna C AdamsCertified Training Specialist
499
05/12/20 at 4:54PM UTC
Guilt is a weight many of us carry. I don't have children, but I struggle with guilt over many things.
- Guilt over not using free time more constructively
- Guilt for avoiding friends
- Guilt for finding success when others struggle
and so on....
I have found that acceptance alleviates my guilt. If I can accept these things about myself - embrace them even, then the guilt dissipates. We have to embrace the fact that it's good to take care of ourselves first. We can't care for anyone else if we don't first look out for ourselves.
Jackie GhedineCoach for Gen X Women | Jack Russell of Humans
5.82k
05/12/20 at 5:56PM UTC
Put on our own oxygen mask, its about the basics, but not so easy to remember.
morales971An essential worker for the power of positivity.
430
05/12/20 at 1:50PM UTC
I'm so glad you broached this often "taboo" topic - women will not even discuss guilty feelings because we are embarrassed acknowledging them. And that lack of sharing what we are all susceptible to ultimately hinders us. I have felt guilty about leaving behind a man in my life, but then realized a) I deserve better and b) waiting for him to make improvements was ridiculous and a waste of time. We are all adults and should own our experiences. I remind people often that they will look back on the time they wasted feeling guilty (instead of being proactive) and regret it...guaranteed. I've felt guilty leaving a job - which was also ridiculous because I was so caught up in my own hubris I didn't understand that I was hardly irreplaceable (if I'm being totally honest). Unless you are pursuing your passion or your own business, no job is worth feeling bad about on a monthly, daily, or even hourly basis. We get one go 'round...why waste it feeling poorly and too often over things that are out of our control?
Jackie GhedineCoach for Gen X Women | Jack Russell of Humans
5.82k
05/12/20 at 5:55PM UTC
Our guilt drives us to make decisions that aren't in our best interest or fuel our needs and instead are about expectations others place on us or that we place on ourselves. We forget, especially women, that we are human. Perfection doesn't exist. Powering through doesn't exist. Wonder Woman is other worldly.
Guilt is reserved for when you make a bad judgement that hurts someone else. I guarantee going for a walk at lunch doesn't qualify!
Linda Garrison Tikofsky
105
05/12/20 at 12:46PM UTC
I find now that I'm confined to home (rather than traveling as I did in the past for work), I'm putting in way more hours in front of the computer. When traveling, I would take time to walk around a new local, or break for a meal. Now I feel guilty when I step away from the desk for a cup of coffee (or a shower :)).
Self-care has actually gotten more difficult. However,,now (in week 9...), I'm actually making an 'appointment with myself' mid-day to get away from the computer, take a walk, sit at a real table for lunch, and give myself permission for a mental health break.
Jackie GhedineCoach for Gen X Women | Jack Russell of Humans
5.82k
05/12/20 at 5:52PM UTC
When we don't have the physical differentiators to indicate going from work to home we have to be much more diligent about creating moments for ourselves. Yes to creating appointments on your calendar and remember to honor them the way you would any other meeting.
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