Does anyone else get really upset when other people believe in you more than you believe in yourself?

Question

I'm very self-conscious and always questioning my abilities. I know it sounds weird, but when people tell me I should have a better title or could being doing more, it just makes me even more doubtful. Is this imposter syndrome?

LEANNE TOBIAS · Answer

I can see why these comments might upset you: you are taking them as admonishments that you haven’t lived up to your potential or that you have fallen short.

Please know that others are trying to compliment you and express their admiration.  And see if you can take these remarks as a sign that you have been doing a great job and— should you desire it— have the option (not the obligation!) to move on to even greater things.

Logan · Answer

Hi! It's hard for me to get the full picture from your post, but here are some thoughts from a coach who specializes in helping women access and activate their innate power:

1.  If you aren't super clear on what you want (career, in this example), what is your definition of success...then other's opinions will trigger your doubts and insecurity. These are your sirens' songs (remember the sirens from mythology, who lured sailors to their death by singing beautiful songs that made them crash their ships on the rocks?), which serve no other purpose than pulling you away from your dream or goal. The antidote to your sirens songs is having a dream/goal that is so compelling that it is your beacon, which is your definition of success,  (think lighthouse, in this analogy) that pulls you forward despite your fears. And the thing that will move you towards your beacon, no matter what, is having a clear plan and the support to work that plan...every single day.

2.  I'd recommend sitting with your upset, really cozying up to it, and seeing what it has to tell you. My guess is that there is old, old negative messaging and/or beliefs about yourself that is being triggered -- and that this likely shows up other places in your world. If you sit with the feelings (meditate, journal, whatever feels right) and check out what purpose they serve, you can begin to relate them as an observer rather than a participant. These feelings may have great information as to what fears the upset is about...and those fears may be things that you haven't ever realized before, which is great insight to work with.

3.  Another writing exercise I'd suggest: write out the script you were handed when you landed on this planet. We all have one, and it is based on so many factors: gender, socioeconomics, religion, family of origin, geographic location, race...you get the idea. Writing out what you were groomed and trained to do/be/have, you can explore whether that is what you really want for your life. People thinking  you should have a 'better' title or whatnot may not be aligned with who you are and what your Heartset desires. Seeing this in black in white may help you begin crafting the script that you DO want to live out.

I hope this helps!

Carrie Topolski · Answer

Question is why are you doubting yourself? Self doubt is normal and a part of life but realize you are only holding yourself back.   Maybe a therapist would help you with that.  To me it sounds like something deeper is causing this.  Maybe it was something in your life that has always caused you to doubt yourself?  Once you learn to love yourself and realize that you are who you are then I think you'll realize how great you really are.  Wishing you the best.

Lenna · Answer

Yes, definitely a form of it! Have you spoken with a career coach or therapist about this?

Six Figure Salary Coach · Answer

I want to ask one simple question

Are you questioning your abilities... Or you comparing yourself to others?

Does anyone else get really upset when other people believe in you more than you believe in yourself?

You're invited.

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