Ugh - back to dating...

Question

Care to share any success strategies about dating? Online? Meetups? Fix-ups? I've tried them all, and haven't found anyone I'd love to be with until the end of time. I'd love to hear your stories.

Tami Wolf · Answer

I feel your pain. I met my boyfriend on Hinge, mostly because I had loosened my criteria. Not that you shouldn't have any, but really think them through. Are you demanding an advanced degree, could you be happy with someone who has a BA instead of a PhD?

So many of my girlfriends are single (and I was from high school until I was 31). My best advice is to embrace your single life, especially your ladies, and enjoy yourself. As long as it doesn't interfere with your search for M(r/rs/s) Right, maybe there's M Right Now who can keep you company for now.

Anonymous · Answer

My best advice is don't get discouraged. After my first marriage failed, I was convinced that was it, that was my shot and it was gone. Not true at all. As I get older, I get more honest and upfront about what I want and what I don't want. When I was ready to start dating again, I went on Match and wrote a profile that was extremely candid about what I wanted and did not want, while also being brief. It narrowed the field quite a bit, but of the six men recommended to me, I met the man who is now my husband! We've been together 12+years and we are best friends.  Good luck to you and don't be discouraged! :D

Anonymous · Answer

Me too. My latest boyfriend just moved out of state for his job. I don't think I can loosen my criteria any more. At this point I only ask they have a job. I was married and my  children are grown, you would think this is a plus, but I'm struggling just to find someone to go and do things with. I don't think I'm asking for much. lol.

Briana · Answer

Why do people hate dating? I loved it when I was single. I’ve been with my guy for 7 yrs now but prior to that my focus was to just have fun. I was never looking for the one I just dated for the joy of it. I was never looking for something “serious” or long term as that sounded boring to me. I think the less expectations you have of another person the easier the relationship is and the more it just flows. I didn’t put all my eggs in one basket either lol  I also met my guy online and once again I didn’t expect anything serious, I was actually dating someone else at the time but we had an open relationship. I fell for this guy and haven’t been in an open relationship since.

Johana Tatlow · Answer

Are there any local groups in your area that are dedicated to single people just doing fun things together so that you can widen your 'pool'?  One city I was in had a hiking and adventures group. I ended up marrying my best friend, so I can't speak to success on apps, but I do think that if you can find a way to make 'higher quality' guy friends, you up your chances.

Anonymous · Answer

Love this Tami, and I have done a lot of what you've done. The 'pool' is a bit underwhelming for me. For ex., I haven't been married or had kids. Men I meet seem to think it's polite/appropriate to respond with, 'What's wrong with you?' Uh...nothing's wrong. We just did different things. I find men who are suddenly single have some catching up to do, hence the 'ugh' part.

Jenny Travens · Answer

Dear, you're not alone! I have number of friends like you, both guys and gals who were searching for the right person and still are. I guess, the fact that we want the other person to be to our wishes all the time, makes it difficult.

Try moulding yourself a bit, as Tami said. You start loving things you called nonsensical at one time.

Anonymous · Answer

I feel I tried nearly every dating site on the planet. I had major restrictions then basically nothing (are you breathing? check!)...still no luck. I decided to take some time off and focus on things I really enjoyed - one of which was cycling.

Thankfully cycling is a GREAT mixed sex sport! The girls can easily keep up with the guys and you can do everything from casual rides to hard rides.  There are clubs, events and vacations that surround this sport.

I ended up going on a cycling vacation alone - but I would be meeting up with others who were also going alone. Lo and behold...I met my husband!

We met on the other side of the world from where we lived - but we actually lived across a park from one another. It was crazy!

We got married 1 year later.

Anonymous · Answer

Hi Briana - I'm glad you've found success, and I hope to do that as well. I should've said I'm looking for a man who's fun, smart, honest and emotionally available. I don't need to be married and trust me, my expectations are managed. It also could be an age difference. I should've said I'm 45+ and I run into a lot of men who are divorced (sometimes 2-3x), are still married ('working thru it') or have no idea how dating 'works' in the present day. Seven years of success is impressive! I'm happy for u!

Anonymous · Answer

I’m trying to put myself in different social situations with different “wing women” - it’s a process.... :)

Ugh - back to dating...

You're invited.

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