For Real: The No. 1 Strategy You Need to Start Loving Yourself More :)
Confidence & Mindset Coach
December 10,2019 at 7:47PM UTC (Edited)
The idea of spreading kindness around like it’s confetti is a popular one these days! And why shouldn’t it be? Making someone else’s day better is a good thing! :)
So why, then, isn’t the practice of treating ourselves more kindly a bigger deal? Sure, Google will supply you with over 6 million self-care activities in one simple search. But after fizzling that rainbow bath bomb while letting Pink tell you that you’re effin’ perfect, you’re back in your same routine the next day, cursing at yourself for spilling coffee on your shirt. So instead of creating one more bath-bomb-based listicle, I polled some followers about the way that they talked to themselves, and our mean mental mantras are so ingrained in our brains that it’s often hard to see them for what they truly are: rude word choices.
What I mean is, we have a choice in how we talk to ourselves just like we do when we’re talking to other people.
Here's a legit thing I’ve told myself:
> You’re a stupid, ugly cow, how could anyone love you.
> Nobody would even miss you, so you might as well just do it.
There’s so much hate in those words! And none of it is true. None of it! And you deserve to learn how to change your mental words! (You do! You so, so do!)
Other real talk I’ve leveled at myself:
> Okay seriously, you’re spiraling out, and you've gotta get it together.
> You’re being destructive, lock it down because you know it'll only get worse.
Or like when I was running late on my way to meet my husband for our engagement photo sesh— I made a wrong turn and my GPS totally lost all perspective, and I had to squelch thoughts like you’re so freaking stupid! Can’t you even get to your own engagement photo shoot on time?? and replace them with:
> Okay, okay, hang on. Stop being negative. That’ll only make you cry and you’ll be so much happier when you’re not a mucous-y hot mess for your photos. Plus you’re totally a positive person, so thinking about yourself positively is easy! Like, remember how bomb your mascara looks today?
There’s always a point in any situation, right after we’ve said the first rude comment to ourselves, where we can get into the habit of calling ourselves out for our own negativity. And I’m intentional about calling this a habit, because it won’t come naturally to you at first. It’ll feel forced, and you won’t even want to believe it. But if you’re really dedicated to changing the way you treat yourself— you’ll repeat it. And you’ll continue to say nice things to yourself until your body calms down and you can move on.
Seriously, sweet friend, start calling yourself out for being rude to your own darn beautiful self! You have to start listening to your own thoughts. And this’ll be kind of hard at first because we’ve been used to just letting ourselves ramble on about how much we hate those damn skinny jeans because they give us a huge effing muffin top because we ate too many pumpkin bars at Thanksgiving. To us, these are normal thoughts, and now we have to start listening for them. And replacing them them with a simple, powerful "Whoa, you decided to stop talking to yourself like that. Stop it."
That's where it starts. There's so much more to the world of positive self-talk, but it allllll starts here. With listening and labelling your own negativity.
You can so, SO do this!
I believe in you!
Are you ready to start? (Heck yes!)
Here are some self-talk & positivity resources I'm into right now:
This book on mindset for great education on how to grow your current mindset. (https://tinyurl.com/rwnf399)
This pdf guide to positive self- talk that's got actual, legit how-to's. ( http://braveheartopenmind.com/sign-up-to-get-a-free-pdf-of-kaylas-guide-to-positive-self-talk )
This yoga channel for positive, loving exercise. (https://www.youtube.com/user/yogawithadriene )
This aerobics video for fun, stress-free, low-impact cardio (It's not high video quality, but it's cute!) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xvRVZxOmU6w&t=1s)
This meditation for mindfulness and self-care. ( http://braveheartopenmind.com/7-minute-self-love-meditation )
This self-confidence reflection exercise for highlighting your positive points and strengths. ( http://braveheartopenmind.com/2019/09/self-confidence-reflection-exercise )
This guide to writing strong self-affirmations for positive self-talk ( http://braveheartopenmind.com/2019/10/build-your-own-affirmations )
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I'm going to go a little differently on this.
While I appreciate the employee's personal challenges, you both have roles that need to be performed for the company. I actually am sensing some manipulation by the employee and you stepped straight into it. If she is messaging you on Facebook, that means that you probably added her as a personal friend. It sounds like potential manipulation lured you into blurring boundaries that could set you up for a challenging situation down the road particularly if her performance is not up to par. It is possible to be an empathetic leader while also maintaining appropriate workplace boundaries. Many people today are going through different types of struggles. The balance is in finding humanity while also having realistic expectations of them to perform their role and being clear on the boundaries. It's fantastic the employee is in therapy but therapy is not something to be weaponized for poor performance. Incredibly, there's nothing in this long post about how this employee is actually performing their job. I think more of your time should be spent on helping her achieve career goals versus getting into her personal situation about which you only hear one side. I found that it's best to maintain professional boundaries especially with someone who reports to you. If you decide to be friends after one of you leaves the job, that's completely fine. But while you're on the job, situations like this are fraught with landmines.
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When implementing a rewards and recognition program is it better to implement rewards and recognition based on individual or team performance or a combination of the two?
What types of rewards and recognition have you found to be most effective for increasing employee engagement and commitment to the organisation?
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What is going on with this forum?!
Some of the posters are so nice and supportive…and others just want to tear women down! It’s so incredibly sad. I keep reading things and wonder if the person would respond the same way if they were speaking in-person. Maybe keep scrolling if you can’t be civil and constructive?
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Seeking opinions about group interviews...
I had a virtual group interview this week. It was one interviewer and about 10 candidates. The job seekers were asked one question and each was asked to answer it one after another with no discourse in between.
I didn't feel that any candidates really stood out or made a significantly better impression than any others. (Except possibly me. I went last and was from a vastly different background than the other candidates-- and not in a great way.)
As a person who was been responsible for the hiring process at organizations in the past, I don't see how this was a valuable step for any of the parties. It seemed that the company just wanted to see everyone and appeared that it could be used in a discriminatory way.
I would be interested to hearing other's experiences with and opinions about group interviews.
At this point, I'm not sure I will accept any future interviews in this format.
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No signed Purchase Order for 2024 from a client for which I do subcontracting work yet – 1099 here
I posted before on this Forum " No ticky – no shirty" –I had an issue where the Purchase Order for a large client in 2023 for the firm for which I provide consulting services was delayed - which meant the firm could not submit an invoice to the client for me to get paid (Purchase Order # has to be included on the invoice) . 4 month delay in getting paid for consulting performed for which we did not have the PO.The PO is for the entire year and we chip away at it as we do consulting work.
To cover myself for 2024, I prepared a letter stating that I will provide consulting services to xxx for which a purchase order is required for xxx when a signed Purchase Order is received. The owner of the firm signed the letter (I think to placate me ). And in recent conversations I have stated, I cannot provide free work. I also suggested if she doesn’t get a signed PO, that her company pays me for the work performed.Here is where we are at: One hand doesn’t know what the other is doing at this large client. Owner asked them about the signed PO is…. as of 12/9/2023, she does not have a signed PO.. the PO is in “the works”
Here’s the question: We are down to the wire here. I know we will get the signed PO.., the client knows our value. but when, who knows? .with the Holidays upon us. . If she doesn’t get a signed PO by Jan 1 2024, do you think I should state AGAIN, I cannot provide consulting work without a signed PO and suggest that her company pay me UNTIL she gets the signed PO. I do not want to be in the same financial situation as last year.
PS. One thing I didn’t mention to this group is 5 years ago… she transitioned me from W2 to 1099 (benefit for her company). She knows how valuable I am.. Funny thing is the universe was supporting me last week when I presented a report to this client and they responded “ Thank you, you are awesome”. Timing is everything, right?
Thank you as always for your input.
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What does RTO or Hybrid look like at your company?
I was recently talking to an old peer and she mentioned that someone that we used to work with has to go back into the office 3 days a week, but a badge swipe is all she needs. So she can go to a meeting in the building for an hour and then leave. So that has me thinking what does it look like at other companies. I'll go first, GM Financial 3 days in office for officers and 2 days in office for non officers. Some folks don't come in at all. Some will do a half day for their in office days and weirdos like me work a full 8 hours but come in late.