© 2022 Fairygodboss. All rights reserved.
How do you get your professional self esteem back?
As a young woman, I joined the workforce about 2 years ago in Miami, FL. Job after job, I have dealt with misogynistic bosses, sexist coworkers, and have been treated as frankly less than human (cheated out of money I was promised, lied to about bonuses, promotions etc). I am not in a financially comfortable position, and am not able to legally fight back: which my male bosses have known, and used to their advantage. This has left me feeling weak, powerless, and like I will never be successful in life. I am switching careers to work for myself, but over the past 2 years, I have lost all of my professional self esteem. It almost feels as though I have been so accustomed to being treated this way, that I do not know what a healthy workplace is supposed to be like (some quick examples: one male boss would knock on the door of the restroom, screaming that I had to deal with clients. Same boss called me a r*tard*d b*tch in front of other employees. I quit that, moved to what I thought was a better company, and somehow ended up in a worse situation. My boss constantly commented on how I needed to “tone my body” and how clients would “love it.”). I am in the real estate industry.
Does anyone have advice? I am so angry at myself for allowing that kind of treatment, but now I feel worthless and stuck. Any advice would be appreciated.
Sue DeRosier
Experienced communications professional
172
11/19/19 at 5:33PM UTC
Some industries are magnets for poor behavior by men and women. Real estate and construction have those reputations. Construction's misogyny is pretty obvious -- big burly guys doing big burly work doesn't lend itself to 'sensitivity training.' In real estate, it's all about presence and for men, that means how a woman looks and acts. I come from a homebuilding and real estate family and saw inappropriate treatment of women many times.
The first thing I would ask myself is this the type of industry I really want to continue in? Does the work itself feed my soul? If not, then transfer your knowledge and skillsets to another, less sexist, more diverse, industry. If you are handling sales, there are plenty of those positions in all kinds of industries. If you are doing administrative or project work, again, lots of opportunities. Marketing? The same.
Sometimes you have to try on several 'pairs of shoes' before finding the right fit. Don't be afraid to branch out, but don't ever stay where you are treated less than human.
LEANNE TOBIASInvestment real estate/sustainability
4.05k
11/12/19 at 10:14PM UTC
These companies sound dreadful. It’s them, not you, and you still have value as a professional and a person.
First, congratulations for having the strength and resourcefulness to go into business for yourself. Many people would not have the ability to do that! Give yourself great credit for being independent.
Second, look at work that you did for these organizations— not how you were treated, but what you accomplished. You are responsible for your actions, your work and your accomplishments, period. How these co-workers treated you is *their* problem— don’t let their harassment affect your self-worth. To the extent that you accomplished anything under these intolerable conditions is to your tremendous credit.
Third, you know that you are not afraid to walk out of a bad situation. Good for you! That is the ultimate empowerment and will serve you well in the future.
Fourth, these experiences will make you a better boss as your career progresses, because you know how demoralizing it can be to work for bad managers. These experiences will also help you to mentor those in similar situations.
Finally, the real estate industry can be sexist, although it is diversifying. Development, leasing and sales are still male dominated, especially in commercial real estate. Women are more prominent in home sales.
Whatever sector of the real estate industry you’re in, your former companies/colleagues seem very extreme, and I am glad that you are no longer working with them. There is no excuse for their behavior.
Tracy Bass
25
11/12/19 at 9:16PM UTC
You are worthy. Having dealt with eeoc in fl in a previous life, you may want to reach out to them to see what options are available to you. Find a reputable organization to join. See if someone can mentor you. You may see what kind if legal aid is available. document as much as you possibly can. In the mean time be you. Make yourself a success to the person in the mirror. Best of luck
ALL248
67
11/12/19 at 9:04PM UTC
I am so sorry you received this completely unacceptable treatment. You are whole and worthy, you are capable and you can do this. Everything that those people exhibited toward you had absolutely nothing to do with you. Leave it behind✨✨
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