I just got home from a job interview and I am pretty disappointed. I was interviewing for what I thought was my dream job; I'm really excited about the company and the job description. But the person who interviewed me -- who would be my boss -- was really abrasive. I know it may be a mistake to judge after meeting someone just once, but I really have a hard time envisioning work with/reporting to this person. Anyone else ever experienced something like this? advice??!
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32 Comments
32 Comments
Penny
3.42k
10/09/18 at 9:09PM UTC
Interesting! I'm not sure if this is the case for your interview but sometimes interviewers play different roles, in order to see how you'd react within the scenario. They purposely don't act as themselves to then see how you react.
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1 Reply
Genevieve Dee
107
10/09/18 at 9:12PM UTC
ahh, I hadn't really heard/thought about this. That's good to know and keep in mind.
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Amanda S
900
Beagle lover
10/09/18 at 9:12PM UTC
I have definitely been that person. I wouldn't pre-judge the situation or overthink it until you are taken to the next level fo the interview process. I think once you get further, you can decide whether the person softens at all. Sometimes I have taken on a persona to see reactions and then softened in subsequent interview contexts once I decide I'm interested in continuing the interview process.
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Genevieve Dee
107
10/10/18 at 2:54PM UTC
that makes sense. thank you!
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1 Reply
Petunia
16
12/27/18 at 12:56AM UTC
Gosh, if that scenario of "play acting" is true, please consider if you really want to work with and for someone who needs to manipulate a stranger. Just imagine the games you'd be in for when you get the job. A person should be exactly who they are. A person who represents his or herself in any other way is false and a waste of everyone's time and professional respect. The job will be no good if you end up working with someone who you've got to "figure out" every day. Good Luck!
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GirlBossanova455790
71
10/09/18 at 9:18PM UTC
I suspect that this “Boss” behaved the Same way with the Other Female workers AND gets away with it!
You Can take a chance and accept the Job but have your Resume ready!
If your suspicions are true Walk Out!
I must say that I am kind of revengeful ( THIS JUST ME) because This Is Unacceptable (SORRY) I would talk to the other ladies “Is this Really how he treats the women here?” If this IS true He does NOT belong and as a Unit take him to HR!!
NO I Would Not Blame Anyone If they refuse to do this!
(ME)But on my way Out the HR gets My visit and Tell Them That I will report the Company And This Individual to the Labor Union!
THIS IS JUST A THREAT!! You might have made the lives of the Other women more acceptable!
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Anonymous
10/10/18 at 2:41PM UTC
i have had the same feeling in two different interviews. the first time, I ignored it, took the job and regretted it. I left within a year because she was just as miserable as the day I met her. The second time, i interviewed for what I thought would be a great position, but when I spoke with the man who would be my boss, my spidey senses just kept saying "is this person really who you can go to with questions?" The answer was a resounding no, so I withdrew my application the next day. No regrets.
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1 Reply
Genevieve Dee
107
10/10/18 at 2:56PM UTC
yikes. good to know that you learned from an experience and that it helped you inform your future choices! I suppose I'll have to try to get a better sense of my interviewer / the rest of the company before I make any decisions, but if I continue to feel skeptical, then I won't ignore my instincts..!
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GirlBossanova320232
17
10/14/18 at 9:59PM UTC
I once went to an interview for a job I really wanted. The General manager made the appointment over the phone, all the time being very abrasive. I arrived early for the interview, and was greeted by a woman who needed to be the Wicked Witch of the West in order to be nicer. She let me know I was wasting everyone's time by coming. She also informed me that the General manager was not in. "You're gonna have to wait." So, I waited over an hour.
When the GM finally arrived, he asked Me. Sunshine who is that? She said: " That woman you called yesterday. She's been stupid enough to wait for you."
So the GM started grilling me right then and there. I tried to be polite, but both we're asking questions that violated Federal law. They had rude comments about every answer. Finally I'd had enough
I asked a question. "Is this the way you treat all your candidates? Are you both so rude? Do you deliberately ask illegal questions? Is this how you treat your employees? Usually, the way you treat your applicants is how you treat your employees. I don't put up with rudeness, so if this is a test, I done with it. If you are always like this, the interview is over. I don't work for abusive people." I stood there, counted to ten, looking at their stunned expressions. Then I walked out. I never heard back from them. A few days later, someone told me they were always like that and couldn't keep anyone. Gee! I wonder why!
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Bosslady113586
14
12/23/18 at 8:23PM UTC
I had an interview with a company that I had worked for previously. I had great internal references. The minute he saw me I knew the interview was over. The questions he asked were abrasive and almost rude. He asked me a question and as I was answering, he rudely and abruptly stood up and said goodby. I did not get the job. I am friends with the HR person and he just said no. Nothing else.
Then I had another interview with a man my age. He asked me (60)due to my advanced age how much longer did I think I would continue to work. I smarted back and said "as long as you do." I did get hired but he was doing things that shall we say less than legal. I ran!!
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anon4913
14
12/23/18 at 11:18PM UTC
I once had an interviewer tell me I needed to be more charming to speak to the next person on the panel of people meeting me that day. The person who would have interviewed me was the VP, he was a man and so was the guy who asked me to charm the VP. I stood up, thanked him for his time, and said I was pulling my candidacy due to culture incompatibility. I've made the mistake of joining a company where I didn't fit the culture before and I flat out refuse to do it again.
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Anonymous
12/23/18 at 11:24PM UTC
Use LinkedIn to help inform you, too. Ask people who worked with the person in the past what they’re like to work with. You can ask it in a non leading way- something like “I am considering a position reporting to Xxxx and it looks like you’ve been on the same team in the past...”
I recently declined an offer after my instincts were confirmed.
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1 Reply
Ceci
1.9k
12/28/18 at 5:03PM UTC
Using other tools to inform you is a great idea.
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Lynn
60
12/23/18 at 11:25PM UTC
Trust your intuition. It won’t steer you wrong. I like to work with people who are open and straightforward. Even if the interviewer were adopting a tough persona to see how you would react with difficult personalities, do you really want to work with someone who plays games?
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1 Reply
Julez
985
12/28/18 at 4:58PM UTC
^ Agreed.
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Anonymous
12/23/18 at 11:52PM UTC
If someone is abrasive during interview, run from that job. Unless their job involves somehow being abrasive (sales person? counter intelligence agent?) there is absolutely no need to be abrasive in an interview or a workplace. I had that happen once, and I let the other person know afterward someone being hostile wasn't a place I wanted to work with. They apologized and said this person wouldn't be involved in hiring again. There's a theory that you create a stressful environment to see how a candidate performs. You don't need to work in a place that believes testing candidates is normal. If that's your boss, that's exactly that person at their worst - and you absolutely deserve better.
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Crystal Rhineberger
2.06k
professional rofl nevermind lets just wing it
12/24/18 at 1:55AM UTC
Is there a possibility that the abrasiveness was meant to be a stern business attitude? Some people end up this way w out meaning too. If you fear communication w this person you may have to be very upfront w how do i stand w u sort.
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Leader362265
44
kcisis
12/24/18 at 2:01AM UTC
If this person had not been the person you would be reporting to I would say see what the other interviews are like, this may have been a "test" (a poor one IMHO), but since this would be your direct report RUN like H... in the opposite direction because your dream job could easily be your worst nightmare! BTDT & because I wasn't smart enough to learn from mistakes, turned around & did it again. A friend & I interviewed for the same position later (didn't know it at the time) compared notes, both had the same kind of interview--I listened to my instincts that time, she took the job & almost didn't live to regret it, it was that bad. Learn you are your own best judge & don't let the dreams & dollar signs blind you.
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Head Bookworm
52
Head Bookworm
12/24/18 at 2:04AM UTC
To conteract all of those who tell you to run...I had a terrible phone interview with a man who would be my boss and I told the recruiters...there is no way they will offer this job to me based on that interview. For whatever reason, they still offered it, and though I knew he would be difficult, I also interviewed with another man, who was really mellow and who would be the one in the office with me, so I gave it a try. I was only there a week when the unpleasant man disappeared and was fired. So sometimes, things work out...
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1 Reply
Amanda S
900
Beagle lover
12/29/18 at 2:09AM UTC
Thanks for sharing your perspective. I also think that all interviewers are human and everyone sometimes has a bad day. So you gotta explore further rather than decide everything on the basis of a single call.
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Anonymous
12/24/18 at 3:38AM UTC
As a professional, you should feel comfortable with your reaction to someone abrasive. Unless you truly need this opportunity, I suggest listening to your instincts. Even if it's an interview tactic (agree it's a solid reason if job is sales or high-stress), why join a company that is their culture? And that is a way to test a candidate?
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Ladyboss709969
46
12/24/18 at 4:25AM UTC
Maya Angelou once said that when someone tells you who they are, believe them. Whether his attitude was a tactic to test you or not, you really don't want to be there. Every time I've interviewed with someone who has had me seeing red flags, the situation did not turn out well for me. Over the years, I've learned to start looking for red flags when I walk into the office, the subtle and not-so-subtle comments made during the interview, the interaction between the interviewer and other people in the office, the body language. Twice I walked into an office, and everything went smoothly and was just beautiful. However, I got a distinct gut feeling that told me NOT to accept the job. I did not. In both cases, the company had a massive layoff within a few months. The first to go? You guessed it: the new hires. Trust yourself. Trust your observations. Trust your gut instinct. Those kind of trusts never fail you.
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BossBrandy
1.32k
12/28/18 at 5PM UTC
Love this advice!
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Lady Farnwell
284
12/24/18 at 4:42AM UTC
Once had an interview with a person who liked to counter everything I said. She seemed very focused on finding ways to respond negatively to each comment I made, to a degree that made me wonder if I was interviewing for the team whipping girl role, with "ability to soak up boss getting her negativity out of her system without it affecting me personally" being a primary qualification.
I turned down the job because of this. Why work for such a disagreeable, difficult manager when life is so short?
I later interviewed for a different role at the same multinational. Got in. Was a very well regarded employee for 4 years, was promoted twice.
Cue the multinational ritual of the reorg.
Cue yours truly suddenly in disbelief at who her new manager was.
She was every bit as much of a disagreeable jerk (to me and to a very small handful of other strong women in the org) as I'd observed during the interview. It provided plenty of evidence that I was 100% right to turn down that role originally. Her female reports who were afraid of their shadows or "working their physical assets to succeed" shall we say, were seen as acting appropriately female and were not targeted, but business-minded and technically-minded mid-career women took arrows constantly. Within 18 months, I was written off as a failure despite having been identified as top 2% (not a typo) of division staff by two previous managers previously.
Moral: Life's too short to put up with petty games. Unless you've been unemployed for 6 months and are desperate, don't work for jerks. The latter includes those who game-play in interviews, for whatever reason they're doing it, if the game-player is your prospective manager.
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Ceci
1.9k
12/28/18 at 5:01PM UTC
^^ "Don't work for jerks" - Amen.
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anon1502
40
12/24/18 at 8:15PM UTC
If your deedly boppers are going off, listen to them. If the person seems abrasive, they probably are. And on the flip side, a person who adopts a persona or who tests you like that in an interview is a person who likes to play games and abuse their position of power, rather than simply get the job done. It's a hard enough task to conduct a pleasant interview and get good information out of the candidate you are interviewing to see if they are a good match under normal circumstances, but someone who is throwing a "persona" into the mix is a person who likes to play with their food before they eat it. I would trust your gut feeling - and I would keep looking.
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2 Replies
Elizabeth Marie
1.58k
12/28/18 at 5:05PM UTC
Ditto on trusting your gut and keep looking.
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StephanieM
607
Software developer
02/20/19 at 3:41PM UTC
This is spot-on, and I wish I could throw in an extra <3 for "deedly boppers" :D
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Changemaker839930
21
12/25/18 at 9:38AM UTC
Hi. 1. the interviewer was abrasive ? You failed to describe, so perhaps its your perspective; perhaps its YOU who are too sensitive ? 2. This person is hiring. This person is there to be civil, not loving, and to weed out the applicants. Perhaps the abrasivess was you ? 3. So they were abrasive? So ? 4. Maybe, as is typical of younger applicants, you expected sugar, you got salt. 5. Did you ever consider the interviewer has to also talk to whiners and idiots- those whose parents told them everyone loves you. Not true and not they don't.
If I was so bothered , I, me, a woman person with back bone, would have politely stopped the interview , asked had I done sonething wrong, and moved on. I might have also said that perhaps this wasnt the job for me.
But then, you sat there , and whine after the fact. Fact: it doesn't matter how abrasive the other person is - you want the job and you want it interviewed your way. And maybe it was a test - to see if you could handle certain unmentioned aspects of the job? ( like , oh, abrasive customers ? You failed ).
While I agree, the job climate is as uneven as the weather, do you want the job? Can you pass " trial by fire"? And if you haven't met the boss, then WHY are you letting this guy get to You?
Your two- dimensional judgement needs a bit of expanding. It's a job. Its not Google or Amazon, so stop expecting same from other corporations. They simply want bots.
And you, may have dodged a bullet. Things,happen for a reason, and theres,something better waiting for you.
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Lady Fairygodboss 93
70
01/08/19 at 10:18PM UTC
Once I had an interview with a manager. It went well, then I was going to meet the owner. As she was looking over my application, she asked who my "In Case of Emergency" was - my brother? I said no, he's my boyfriend (we lived together at the time, and later got married). The owner commented that she "didn't like that", an unmarried couple living together. Later I called the agency that sent me and told her about the owner's comment. She informed me that the company did want to hire me, but I turned them down anyway. The agent had to call the owner and inform her that what she asked me and the comment she made was against federal law, and that she could no longer represent them. They were shocked. So glad I didn't take that job.
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Alyson Garrido, Career Coach
398
Job Search and Career Advancement
01/22/19 at 10:01PM UTC
Two things spring to mind, Genevieve. First, always trust your gut. If you're getting a bad feeling from the interviewer that's a red flag. Of course, they might be having a bad day. If so, it's worth it to chat again or asking some more questions. The other possibility is that the abrasive tactics were to test your grace under pressure and customer service skills. Typically if the interview is a test, though, you'll be told afterward.
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LisaD
35
LisaDanforth
01/22/19 at 11:01PM UTC
What was the environment like around the office? This would be a pretty clear telltale sign of the energy you'd be in each day. I agree with Alyson above, always trust your gut. The only times I've been disappointed with big decisions like these if I overthink things and don't go with my gut.
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