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Sidney Bateman
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45
Sales Recruiter hoping to elevate others...
05/05/20 at 6:53PM UTC
in
Diversity & Inclusion

Why say "wanted to"

Why do women (and sometimes men) start a message with... "I just..." or "I wanted to... " Aren't you already sending the message? You are... so why not state "I am sending this message" or... "I am"... You are doing it... there is no want to it... no just ... Other than just do it...

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Joanna Giordano
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347
HBO HR experience. Resume/Job & Health coach.
05/15/20 at 8:54PM UTC
We can all improve! Progress, not perfection, right? Reviewing an email is always a good idea before sending. These extra words not only make us seem less important and more apologetic, they make the language less clear. BE DECLARATIVE. Also feel empowered to say "I". I did it. Not we. Sometimes I did it myself. ALONE.
Davia Madariaga
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171
Problem-solving & growing leaders are my passion
05/14/20 at 10:34PM UTC
I agree with Gramrgk - I used that language for years, and I'm breaking that habit currently. While many of us women were taught that it was a nicety, it actually can backfire. I'm owning my knowledge and my power!
Katie Henderson Ladyboss752675
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757
I am an expert in all things visual.
05/11/20 at 7:22PM UTC
I just wanted to say I really appreciate your pointing this out... I mean, what I meant to say is.... well, never mind. :-)
Esa
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138
Higher Ed Professional. Mom. Nerd. Geek.
05/07/20 at 2:17PM UTC
I used that language for many years and didn't realize the apologetic tone it carried. Now, I double check all emails before sending them to make sure I haven't used that phrasing, and to check for unnecessary apologies. It's taking longer to remove it from my verbal interactions but I'm working on it! It's amazing how ingrained it is. It always surprises me all the ways women have been "trained" to take up less space.
Sidney Bateman
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45
Sales Recruiter hoping to elevate others...
05/12/20 at 2:12PM UTC
me too... in fact I caught it as I was checking and email and thought about it and posted it...
Andrea
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650
05/05/20 at 8:07PM UTC (Edited)
I find myself doing this all the time! I think I'm being too aggressive or assertive if not...thanks for the reminder that I should just stick up for myself and say what I want.
Krista Haugner Sieg, MBA
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741
FairyGodBoss In Training. D & I Advocate.
05/05/20 at 7:57PM UTC
Great point! Many women (including myself) often minimize ourselves with language like "just" or "wanted to" because consciously or unconsciously we feel like we are bothering or less than others in some way/shape/form. Reminder to self (and others) - if you are at the table, take the seat! Be present. Share your thoughts, knowledge, and curiosity.

You're invited.

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