Why say 'wanted to'

Question

Why do women (and sometimes men) start a message with... 'I just...' or 'I wanted to... ' Aren't you already sending the message?  You are... so why not state 'I am sending this message' or... 'I am'... You are doing it... there is no want to it... no just ... Other than just do it...

Krista Haugner Sieg, MBA · Answer

Great point!  Many women (including myself) often minimize ourselves with language like 'just' or 'wanted to' because consciously or unconsciously we feel like we are bothering or less than others in some way/shape/form.  
Reminder to self (and others) - if you are at the table, take the seat!  Be present. Share your thoughts, knowledge, and curiosity.

Andrea · Answer

I find myself doing this all the time! I think I'm being too aggressive or assertive if not...thanks for the reminder that I should just stick up for myself and say what I want.

Joanna Giordano · Answer

We can all improve! Progress, not perfection, right? Reviewing an email is always a good idea before sending. These extra words not only make us seem less important and more apologetic, they make the language less clear. BE DECLARATIVE. Also feel empowered to say 'I'. I did it. Not we. Sometimes I did it myself. ALONE.

Davia Madariaga · Answer

I agree with Gramrgk - I used that language for years, and I'm breaking that habit currently.  While many of us women were taught that it was a nicety, it actually can backfire. I'm owning my knowledge and my power!

Katie Henderson Ladyboss752675 · Answer

I just wanted to say I really appreciate your pointing this out... I mean, what I meant to say is.... well, never mind. :-)

Esa · Answer

I used that language for many years and didn't realize the apologetic tone it carried. Now, I double check all emails before sending them to make sure I haven't used that phrasing, and to check for unnecessary apologies.  It's taking longer to remove it from my verbal interactions but I'm working on it! It's amazing how ingrained it is. It always surprises me all the ways women have been 'trained' to take up less space.

Why say "wanted to"

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