Insecure Leader

Question

I've had the pleasure of mostly working with strong leaders throughout my almost 10-year career.  I've been in a role the past year and a half and can't seem to yet read my manager.  She's definitely always in control and doesn't empower her employees, but instead must be included every step of the way.  I understand keeping them in-the-know, but has anyone found a good workaround for this?  I'm concerned I'm losing my confidence and also my own appearance in the workplace.

Anonymous · Answer

Obviously I don't think you are asking how to make someone who is insecure feel more secure (or act that way). So I am assuming you accept that you cannot change someone and the 'workaround' you're looking for is feeling more in control of things when your manager potentially behaves erratically. I would say that at an appropriate time (e.g. during a performance evaluation or a non-stressed work meeting) to ask for communication preferences and feedback in an open-ended way. The point of this is to allow them to communicate honestly and see if its really insecurity or some other kind of misunderstanding that is happening between the two of you.  You may want to voice the importance you put on her feedback and collaboration but that for your own personal development you were hoping to develop more confidence by working more independently -- in other words, throw your problem to her and ask her to consider it and see if that gets her to suggest 'a solution' that really is something she needs to participate / execute.

Anonymous · Answer

I would try asking for a leadership role on an assignment and lay out up front how you'd like to manage it, to give you some exposure to the rest of the organization without stepping on your manager's toes.

Anonymous · Answer

Everyone strives differently. Because it sounds like you work with your manager so often,  maybe this is an opportunity to share new approaches and techniques that ensure the job gets done, but in a way that doesn't require looking over everyone's shoulder all of the time.

That way you're showing that you're trying to make their job easy while also taking initiative to have them back away – without having to specifically asking him/her to back away.  Sorry that's frustrating!

Insecure Leader

You're invited.

See what women are sharing on Fairygodboss.