So a friend confided in me telling me that she has a hard time loving one of her kids. Yes I said what I just said. I can’t relate to this scenario at all however her and one of her sons fathers had an abusive relationship and the son looks identical to the dad. She says it’s a relationship she regrets having. So when her son comes to give her a hug or kiss or any affection she pushes him away. I’m trying to be a good friend but I don’t see how you can do this. I had rough relationships with my kids father but when I look at my kids I just see my babies. I want to make it clear that there is no abuse going on...physical at least. I’m around her and the kids a lot I can say that I have seen her push him away once and when she realized what she did she quickly corrected her actions and gave him a hug. I don’t know what happens behind closed doors but I don’t know that she shouldn’t be doing that to her kid. How can I have a conversation with her without it feeling like I’m bashing her. I suggested therapy but unfortunately she doesn’t want to do that. Her child is 2 so I do feel like she could be dealing with postpartum. I know she loves her child she just is struggling right now.
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Does anyone have any tips on how to find a job thats willing to sponsor you? Ive been struggling on finding a way to move from NYC to London.
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Am I being unfair or is my boss wrong?
My boss has given me a lot more work than was originally assigned to me in my contract (I’ve been there for almost 2 years now). I mentioned it to her and asked for a raise because I’m doing more work than I agreed to. She made a huge deal about me doing her a favour and how I never complain and do all the additional tasks and then implying that I shouldn’t get paid for doing her a favour. I understand a favour if I’m doing it once in a while but the additional tasks she assigns me to has become part of my daily/weekly/yearly responsibilities. None of them are once off.
Am I being unfair? It’s still a business, I still signed a contract so I should be compensated fairly right? I’ve done my research and for my job, I am being paid way below market value but now I’m doing my job plus the additional work added and still no compensation.
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Starting my own business today
About a month ago, I created an LLC for myself. I did this for tax and accounting purposes -- I became a contractor during the transition after the company for which I worked was sold.
Though I have been successfully interviewed by recruiters, I am excited to try this in a healthy headspace.
For the past month, I have monitored every dollar of our spending closely, I have talked to former clients and colleagues, I talked to my therapist, and I believe that I can do this.
My contract ends this week, so I am officially launching. I am excited and terrified.
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How do you cope when it’s clear the boss you had grown to trust was gaslighting you?
This is 4.5 year story but I will try to be brief. I have been in my job for 4.5 years. My boss, a department head, has been her in job for a long time (decades) and has a reputation of being micromanaging and resistant to the direction of the three layers above her. She also can be a bully. She and I have not always seen eye to eye because if her bullying management style. Since I am generally comfortable in my unique role, I have been able to push back and find some peace. And I thought some mutual respect.
At the start of the pandemic, about a year in to my job for me, I put my hand up to take on additional duties that were being mandated for each dept by the top. As time went on, these additional duties morphed into a permanent part of my job, which I welcome and manage well. When these duties were added, it de facto meant a slight change of procedures for some folks in the department. Almost everyone has come around except on small pocket of the 100 person department. Unfortunately, there is a lot there so I have struggled with that faction for over three years. My boss has given my lip service about supporting me, but little has changed.
On top of that, because of my boss’s rebellious nature, there are aspects of my job that require me to report directly to her superiors. She knows this and she also knows that I will not lie for her. She knows if she puts me in a bad situation, I will not fall on my sword. I have told her this directly because of issues with the small pocket.
Since we had the conversation about me not falling on my sword a few months ago, things had seemed to be going really well. It seemed she grudgingly accepted how things were and was going with the flow.
Until yesterday. It came to my attention that she had attempted to work around me to do something that requires approval from above and should be facilitated through me. Not only that, she did it in partnership with/on behalf of the faction that resists my position. Fortunately, the way it unfolded was sort of organic because there were people in the system who were doing their jobs but it was a circus when the s*** hit the fan. What they were trying to do has come to a screeching halt.
As this was unfolding, I couldn’t help but feel completely gas lighted and angry. I have full support from her superiors but am stuck feeling dread about having to work with her knowing how this went down.
I’m sure it seems to her that I’m a spy or “working for the man” but I assure you, what she is resisting is normal in most larger organizations. All of the changes that lead to this, including the addition of the role becoming permanent for me, transpired after we had a shake up in upper management and her supervisor changed. Prior to that, she was pretty much free to do what ever she wanted seemingly because people were afraid of her. Now she being reasonably managed and she doesn’t like it and makes it known within our department.
I guess my question is, does anyone have tips for continuing to work for someone you know you cannot trust? It’s been less than 24 hours since all this went down so I’m still processing but I would welcome some advice.
Please note that for specific personal reasons, leaving within the next six to eight months isn’t a reasonable option for me.
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For people feeling burned out and looking for a pathway out...
I just pre-ordered this book that a friend recommended and wanted to share - it's about burnout recovery - coming out 10/24.