Lost and spiraling - before a year.

Question

My heart is so heavy – I need some advice! Less than one year ago, I moved across the entire country for my husband’s new job. I was excited to start a new chapter in my career and found a company that I thought would be a perfect next step. Unfortunately, since Day 1, things just haven’t clicked. From relationships with coworkers, to my manager, to my type of work… I am now 8 months in, and I am still just not hitting my stride – to the point where I can feel myself losing interest and not doing much to solve the problem. I’m not doing poor work; but I think I am just so burned out, I just don’t even want to figure out what a solution could be. That said, on a whim, I applied at another company two weeks ago… and now two interviews in, I think they might be interested in me (and I know me in them). Realizing I do NOT have the position yet, I’m already spiraling about hurting feelings at my company, leaving before a year, being blacklisted (“why didn’t she tell us if she wasn’t happy?”). Although this potential company checks the boxes (and I feel fairly good about the job position, culture, etc.), I’m also scared it’s going to be a repeat of the situation I’m in now. I just don’t know what to do – and I so rarely feel this lost. Help?

Alice Johnson · Answer

I am proud of you for taking the leap and having enough courage to start looking for better things! That's the first step. 
I think it's human to feel kind of bad for leaving a company, BUT you have to remember that this is YOUR life NOT theirs. You are doing this for your own happiness and you are the only one in charge of that. Obviously you don't want to purposefully burn bridges, but i'm pretty sure that wasnt your intent and you should be fine with simply explaining that. 
Hope for the best, hope that these people will be happy that you are moving onto something that may be better for you. 
Also, I think you're freaking out before you need to. Sounds like you're creating the worst possible scenario in your head, and it's stressing you out. Try to focus on what's actually happening right now! Which by the sound of it, you've found a super awesome company who may be interested in you and you MAY have to let go of a job that you're unhappy with.

Good luck. I hope you get the job!

Bonnie Barnes · Answer

Don't make it personal. It's about fit. We've all bought those beautiful shoes only to discover they really hurt. This is the same. It seemed like a good fit and it's not.  People will understand when you explain.

Kimberly Mohr · Answer

Take a deep breath and drink some wine!  It’s natural to feel like you are going to hurt your current employer’s feelings but I assure you, they’ve probably already noticed you’re disconnecting.  You need to do what’s best for YOU!  Sometimes it’s just not a good fit; it’s like you are a swan with a company of ducklings - it’s ok, you have to find the right fit. Pursue your potential new job and company and best of luck.

Anonymous · Answer

I feel the same way about my current position. I relocated for my husband because he's in the military. It took me a while to find a job here because the market is so tough. Now I'm in this position where I feel like I'm not being compensated properly, and I do not fit in with their company culture. 
Relocating and starting over is difficult, so be gentle on yourself and trust your instinct if you feel like the position isn't for you. Even if the company is open to you talking to them about being unhappy there, it appears there is something there that isn't the right fit for you. And there's nothing wrong with that!

Anonymous · Answer

Something you said stood out to me.  You said you could see them saying, 'Why didn't she tell us she was unhappy?'

That made me think that somewhere deep down you think they might be receptive to helping you if you expressed some ways to do so.  Perhaps if you try that, you might be able to make the situation better.  Although you have another opportunity in the works, it may not pan out.  So doing what you can to improve your current situation is not a bad idea.  Plus, if it doesn't improve and you do leave, you will have the peace of mind that you gave them the chance to help.

Kimberly Mc · Answer

I was just in a VERY similar situation. I had not relocated, but took a position which, on paper, sounded like my dream job - AND it was less than 10 miles from home. It came with a pay increase and I could not wait to begin.  One month in I was already questioning why they needed anyone in the position, and six months later I was still questioning. I didn't want to get out of bed in the morning, but I hated to leave after spending less than a year in the position. My old boss emailed me with an offer - I turned down the first two offers, but was SO despondent about it the second time, I wrote him and told him to let me know if any other positions came open. Turns out he had been working on increasing the salary offer the whole time and I'm now back with my old company in a job I love, with co-workers who are the bomb, and I enjoy going to work every day.  Trust your instinct here. Make the jump. It's scary, but it will be worth it!

Heather Neal · Answer

Change is scary but that is where all the magic happens.  Follow your instincts. Rooting for you!

Anonymous · Answer

It's respectful and professional of you to worry about the impression your departure would make on your company and while that's the right attitude, I would be careful of being overly empathetic to a company that is not treating you well (which your unhappiness is an indication of). If a better opportunity presents itself, you are allowed to seize it guilt-free. I'm sure you'll provide the adequate notice to your team given your concern and that's all you owe them. Good luck!

Anonymous · Answer

Yes agree, these decisions and situations can have a lot of feelings and complexity. They will understand!

Flu · Answer

I love how you compare it with shoes. It's a great way to remember ourselves that we as women overthink sometimes and become too attached or too emotional..
Just do best you can for you and never stop fighting and trying for all good things you believe in.
power of positivity and attracting good always win!

Lost and spiraling - before a year.

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