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Anonymous

03/28/19 at 5:26PM UTC

Career

Mr.Overachiever

I was recently hired along with another person as a quality engineer for our facility. I'm not sure quite how to put all of this, but I'll try. My co worker who I'll call Steve is much younger than me, but this is pretty much our first "real job". Our boss will assign us projects and identify who is to take the lead. Steve has a habit of somehow managing to take over my project. He starts by making decisions without consulting me or, when I assign him a small task, he runs with it and turns it into his project. I am still breastfeeding my baby as well, so I pump during work. For that reason, I'm not always available and have no choice but to either assign tasks or leave the project unattended. I should also mention that Steve isn't very professional, tends to use "I" when in reality it's a "we" when he's reporting. He acts very immature, or quite possibly just his age, but I hate to see that as a problem because I don't want to descriminate. It's all driving me crazy and I'm at a loss as how to approach tdiscriminate. Help!

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xcadena

Data surgeon, entrepreneur, sports enthusiast.

04/23/19 at 9:26PM UTC

I’ve worked in a startup where most employees were in their 20s, and only few where in their 30s or later; and the dynamic was super backstabbing. I had one younger guy that for some reason took it upon himself to make my life miserable. I blamed myself because I thought I should keep looking for ways to make things better. I was so stressed out that I ended up getting cancer. Your situation doesn’t have to be that extreme, but what’s there to loose if you start looking for another job? I am curious of why your younger associate is misbehaving in such atypical way for a newbie. Is he after your job? Was he told anything that would undermine you in any way? Only you would know if this job and company is worth your time. I am not saying leave immediately. But do start shopping around and see what’s out there for you. Life is too short to worry about how to fix something you didn’t break! Best of luck!

Anonymous

04/21/19 at 3:24PM UTC

Look, jerky children are a burden in the workplace. It's time to give a heads up to the adults in the room. I would suggest that you go to your manager, describe the issue AND your detailed plan to meet with the child to address the situation. This will show your boss that you take care of your stuff while offering the opportunity for feedback or intervention if the boss feels it's needed. (Don't expect that the immature behavior will change, but who knows?) Next, document the encounter. I would make HR aware of the nature of your meeting and how it was handled. (Cc your boss so that it's known that the conversation took place.) That way, there'll be a history for HR to work with if they need to get involved.

Edna Canas

04/17/19 at 3:03PM UTC

If you both receive assignments, how do you work with him? Perhaps you should point out how you act and expect the same consideration.

Cruzer

Seeking to pivot to remote career in tech

04/17/19 at 3:17AM UTC

A few thoughts come to mind: 1. Some people are so competitive that their unconscious M.O. is to subvert/sabatoge. Their goal is to step all over you and outwork you so they can get ahead. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I empathize as I’m in a similar circumstance as a working mom dealing with a similar issue with a fresh out of college female colleague. 2. There is no place for incivility in the workplace. In response to “Bite Me” you can tell Steve his behavior is inappropriate and unprofessional and it will not be tolerated. You can enforce your boundaries and still emphasize team and collaboration over competition. Some recommended resources that are worth your time: 1. Difficult Conversations book by Sheila Heen & others (Harvard Negotiation Project) 2. No A**hole Rule book by Robert Sutton 3. Give and Take book by Adam Grant. Adam also has a TED WorkLife Podcast that is worth listening to (one is on dealing with Office A** holes). You’ve got this!

Carrie Topolski

2.34k

Empowering women and beyond!

04/10/19 at 7:54PM UTC

Have you discussed this with your manager? It should be your manager that helps with this situation. I would tell your manager exactly how you're feeling and what you're experiencing. Someone needs to tell Steve to step back a little. It's great he's trying to be proactive and prove himself but it shouldn't be to your expense.

seigisan_1

Advancing humanity through engineering

03/31/19 at 4:27PM UTC

Corporate politics 101 -schedule a meeting with him and email the invite regarding project xyz -your cell phone can record "steve" whilst you ask him why he responded with "bite me" , listen and inform him "I feel ..... When you..... and I appreciate working in a professional environment with all of my business colleagues. Which includes ......." keep all of your notes in your purse or at home. -If it happens again, discuss it with your manager and document the discussion with a follow up email to your manager. -if it happens again meet with HR and bring 2 printed copies of the emails, one for HR and 1 for you to keep at home. -depending on the corporate culture HR will support you for as long as your manager supports you. If your manager does not support you, or HR does not support you will need to consider whether or not this a company you want to stay with. Goodluck

Crystal Rhineberger

2.29k

professional rofl nevermind lets just wing it

03/31/19 at 1:28PM UTC

Have you discussed w steve his limited professional manners? He sounds ambitious and honestly a little more show off than needed. Bringing up a little mentorship on ambitions and how to properly channel and having due respect for u would be the first step.

Anonymous

03/31/19 at 4:23PM UTC

I haven't yet. I honestly don't know if he would take me seriously. It seems as though he thinks his shift manager experience at a chain retailer makes him experiences in this role. I can assure you that managing high school students nearly his age is nowhere near the level of professionalism we need at our job. Part of me wants to help, and part of me wants to use it to my advantage. Does that make me a bad coworker?

Crystal Rhineberger

2.29k

professional rofl nevermind lets just wing it

03/31/19 at 8PM UTC

This make su a logical co-worker I fully agree managing high school students (to me is a joke to manage any teen) is not the professional level anyone should be on. You have alot of weight on your shoulders at home and work. Mr ambitious is sounding like he hasn’t experienced the full on adult life yet. Perhaps weighing the pros and cons and politely bringing up to an overhead certain positives that are becoming a negative?

Madam anon663

1.5k

Learner, skeptic, direct.

03/31/19 at 10:36AM UTC

I guess my response to "bite me" would be to ask him if he would respond that way to a man? I doubt it. In my experience younger men think they can continue their "bro" behavior and I am a firm believer in putting misbehavior directly back on the person misbehaving, and making them explain it. Makes for a good learning moment.

Anonymous

03/29/19 at 8:59PM UTC

As a Lady who has gone through this for a year of verbal Male abuse from both a Senor Manager and my Co-worker in the workplace. DO NOT take this Lightly "BITE ME" Really ? what an A hole. Don't let him talk to you like that. Write that down and submit to HR. Hope you kick butt on the project !!! : )

Katie Malone

1.28k

Social Media Manager + Mother to two daughter

03/30/19 at 5:37PM UTC

Yes, I agree. Keep notes on Steve’s behavior & his responses to your concerns. If he responds with bite me again or anything worse, you need to first address this with your manager & then take it to HR. That is not at all appropriate behavior.

Tory Fedel

270

Talent Curator and Advocate for Gender Equity

03/28/19 at 7:56PM UTC

I empathize with you as I have been in this situation. Part of the solution lies in finding your courage, voice and conviction to call out what is happening, but also part of this lies in Steve recognizing what it means to be a colleague and team member. Nobody likes a "ball hog". So Playground rules apply. I would say you have an empowering teaching moment where you can hone your workplace etiquette skills. I'd schedule some time with Steve to catch up as fellow new employees to talk shop about best practices so that you are approaching from a good place. Take that time to both share what he does well, but also what your goals are and what you are working on. Tell him that for the work assignments, you really want to own the solution and appreciate his energy and can-do approach, but it isn't helping your learn and achieve what you want to. Hopefully this will open up a dialogue and that the two of you can learn from one another moving forward.