What you wish someone had warned you about before returning from maternity leave

Question

Working mothers: What do you wish you knew (or someone had warned you about!) before returning to work after MAT leave? I'm going back to work soon and would love any advice!

Kathleen Beeman · Answer

I remember crying a lot because there were so many emotions and mommy guilt. I think it is important to know that is all totally normal. I remember the first few months were the hardest because getting a schedule of getting ready and dropping off and then picking up was like this roller coaster. Try to get it down so that you do most of the prep the night before because STUFF happens in the mornings that you just can't plan for. Also, go out to lunch and treat yourself to a fancy coffee or something that first day! You are doing something that is hard but also you deserve a break and a treat.

Amy Bucciferro · Answer

The exercise of setting boundaries is newly complicated and newly essential. I found it better to set conservative boundaries favoring myself and my time and really showing up for the things I committed to rather than stretch myself too thin trying to please others and performing less than to my standards. So, stick to your boundaries and limit your commitments so you can manage with your reduced bandwidth. Yes, your bandwidth will be reduced. And that's FINE.

M Elizabeth Ingram · Answer

If you are pumping, get a hands-free bra.  I had one for my second and not my first; it was a game changer.  I have an office job & could work while I pumped so I felt less guilt about running out the door as soon as work was over & was able to pump more.  And don't feel guilty about it; ask to move meetings if they conflict with your pumping schedule. 
Keep a spare diaper bag in your car with snacks for you and diapers/clothes for baby in the event that you have unexpected errands.  Good luck!

Brittany Lynch · Answer

These comments are all gold!! I would say figuring out your breast feeding plan is the most important if you will continue to BF. I always pumped during my baby’s feeding times, which made it able for me to always breast feed. I definitely had the occasional meeting run over into those times, and it was never ever worth it. Always step out if you need to pump, you will save yourself the physical pain! 
The next most important thing is to plan with your partner. Your morning and evening prep time are about to get overwhelming, and there is no need to do it alone. Make sure you come up with a sustainable plan to split that work! It will alleviate stress and allow you more down time if you split those tasks now.

Megan · Answer

If you have friends who have recently gone through the same thing, use them as a source of support! The one thing that helped me most was being able to talk to someone who understood the mixed emotions!

Chelsea Johnson · Answer

When I had my son (my first baby), I was so overwhelmed with mom guilt for leaving him at home and being cared for by someone else. It took awhile to get used to leaving him, but as time passed it got easier. I knew he was in good hands and I was down the road if he needed me for anything.

My advice is don't let anyone make you feel bad for going back to work. Some people don't understand other people's situations and both parents might have to work.  You do what's best for your family, especially with everything going on right now. And I agree with the other ladies about setting boundaries between work and home. Home time is for you and your family and work is to stay at work. Spend time with baby as much as you can when you're not work. Congrats on the new baby!

Traci Ryan · Answer

Congratulations on your new family member! I think that working moms manage juggling work and family differently. So you have to do what works for you. For me what worked was to identify and set boundaries. For example  a set an end time or depending on your work schedule/responsibilities determine certain times while at home your not available for calls/emails.  Take Care!

Chloe Bass · Answer

Congrats on your little one! You've gotten a lot of good advice on here already.

I'm actually a coach for working moms. The biggest piece of advice I would give is to be flexible and give yourself some time to adjust and figure out the best schedule, way of working, priorities that work for you and your family. It's an adjustment for everyone, so as much as you are able, ease back into work and remember that you there may be ups and downs, but you haven't done this before, so give yourself some grace!

As far as tips go, I also second the hands free bra for pumping and putting your pumping/breastfeeding time into the calendar and sticking to it, just like you would any other meeting if you're going that route. If you're able, the first day back, make time to get a nice lunch or smoothie or latte to treat yourself for returning to work. Covid makes this a little difficult, but as much as you can, get help from others and don't feel like you have to do everything (childcare, housework, volunteer work, other family obligations).

Maybe last I'll just say, it's ok to feel conflicting feelings at the same time. You can be so glad to be back at work and also really miss your child. You can be relieved to be back at work, to have time to use a different part of your brain and different skills, and also love being a mom.

I think all working moms experience moments where things are really difficult. When I experience those moments, I just tell myself, 'Things are tough now, but I can do tough things!'

Amy Keach · Answer

These are all great points, especially the ones about all the emotions you're about to feel being totally normal. I could never be a stay-at-home mom, it's just not in my make-up, but I still had trouble dropping my son off at daycare that first day, and I still questioned my own decisions - primarily because society forces us to. We're damned if we do and damned if we don't. Moms who stay at home have a tough job. Moms who go to work have a tough job. We're just two sides of the same coin. Make sure you know your company's policies regarding breastfeeding. I had my own office so I could close the door and do paperwork while I pumped, but if you have the luxury of 'taking a mental break' while you're pumping I highly recommend it - and wish I'd done that (I probably would have been a lot less stressed). Trust yourself, believe in yourself, and stick to your guns. You are your (and your child's) best advocate.

Renee Jackman · Answer

The first comment about ignoring the mommy guilt questions is spot on! People don’t understand and/or are thoughtless with their questions. You have  excellent mommy intuition so don’t doubt it. On a positive note, if you have other female coworkers that have given birth in the last few years then you now have something new to bond over and women who understand what it’s like working for that company and having a small child. If you are working away from your child (as opposed to trying to get work done with them at home with just you) have a contact back up in case you can’t answer your phone right away when they call. My daycare had us put emergency contacts down besides me and my husband; even if they hadn’t required it I would have included extras. If I’m running a meeting and my husband is fixing something then neither of us can pick up the phone and it’s ok because daycare already knows the next person to call.

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