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Not feeling heard or valued at work
Lately I haven't felt like my voice or opinion at work is valued or even listened to. Now that I think of it more, I wish I had written down these instances, because they have been happening since I got here in February 2020.
I work for a manufacturing and molding company, and I am the Administrative Assistant. I am used to holding these types of positions where I understand my position and the value I bring to the company. This position, however, has given me mixed signals and I honestly don't know if I am really needed at this company due to how I'm being treated.
It's probably important to note that I am a woman of color working in a predominately white company (all of management/leadership is white). The first signs of disrespect, and lack of value I noticed I had with this company was back in February when I started, and a coworker on the production floor verbally harassed me and threw a rag at me while I was passing by. I brought it up immediately to HR (consisted of exactly 2 white people) and they brushed it off like it was nothing. I went home for the day and was never talked to about it after and never learned about any action steps they were taking to figure out what happened. So basically, the employee that harassed me got away with it.
Once Covid-19 hit, I was told that I wasn't a "necessary employee" and that I would be temporarily unemployed until further notified. That lasted 3 months and I was back in June of 2020. Since I've been back I've noticed that things I bring up or requests or ideas that I propose are not taken into account , or if they are, other employees are given credit for it. One example was when I came up with a Newsletter subject to include in our weekly newsletter, and my idea was pushed aside until one day "the Events committee came up with a new idea for the newsletter!"...and you guessed it, that was my idea. No credit was given. Another example was when I was making sure to stay ahead of things on a new project my boss gave me, and I was communicating with a third party about needing the software downloaded onto my computer. The IT Tech refused to download it onto my computer (which was his job) because he needed a "final say" with leadership. I had already ran it by my boss and my boss even agreed that I needed the software on my computer but the IT Tech didn't download it until my boss set up a meeting with the three of us to talk about it.
Literally, this list of examples could go on. But my fingers hurt and I'm exhausted being a woman of color in a white company. I'm tired of not feeling heard, and I'm tired of "keeping it professional" and letting people run over me. What do I do?
Cara Houser
Coaching + Digital Courses for High Impact Women
1.93k
08/12/20 at 5:21PM UTC
Hi Sophia,
Thank you for sharing here - it takes courage to do so.
In addition to keeping records and being open to finding allies at work, I'd also suggest addressing issues where possible directly with the people exhibiting the troublesome behaviors you describe. Standing up to people personally can be powerful.
For example, when a person tries to apologize, even if you think it is insincere, take the opportunity to start a dialogue and convey in a clear-eyed way that the behavior is unacceptable and you expect it not to be repeated. This will make it clear to them that you are not to be trifled with in the future.
Alice Walker said one of my favorite quotes that reminds me of my ability to respond in assertive ways even when I'm feeling weakened by the disrespectful treatment of others. "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any."
Sophia Ketchum
20
08/12/20 at 1:43PM UTC
Thanks for replying to my post. And yes, I am slowly coming to an understanding that this company doesn't value me as much as I value myself. I felt strong when I addressed the first issue with the employee throwing the rag at me. He tried apologizing to me because he saw me talking to HR about it but Ignored his apology. I didn't want him thinking that it was okay and I no longer engage any type of communication with him. I'm still bewildered by that behavior!
I wish there were higher ups that I trusted but honestly, this company is really "white washed" and not in a good way. I've experienced these microaggressions in other work places and I never knew what to do after experiencing them except for vent with a friend who has experienced them as well. It's very difficult for me to find white people in the work place whom I trust because I never really know where they stand in the spectrum of racism.
Part of me is just chalking it up to being an adult and finding a way to move forward from it. I am glad I was able to come here and write it down. I definitely will be creating a list of these microaggressions from now on so I can have records once I do find someone to confide in.
Thanks again for your response!
Amber-li
36
08/16/20 at 6:31PM UTC (Edited)
You’re very Welcome. And you got me learning about the concept and experience of “micro agression”, a term I never heard of before coming across your post.
I am naturally introverted and don’t have any friends currently who can really stand up for me, and I look back on my life, as an observant type of person, and can see many instances of what I may very well have experienced as micro aggression.
I am someone who really looks at peoples behaviors and can read between, above and below “the lines”, and have only gotten sharper at reading others behaviors and attitudes towards me and others. I definitely think this skill is the type that is integral to learn about who can be trusted vs someone you can simply not acknowledge. I just don’t acknowledge disrespectful people, and definitely won’t treat them with the same curtesy I would give someone who is genuine and has that “integrity” to always stand up for greater good.
Amber-li
36
08/11/20 at 11:27PM UTC
Hi, I just came across your post and it was upsetting to read. This place is definitely not worth the value in which you bring, and they clearly express what i perceive as racism and belligerent intolerance and exclusion that you should never accept or let it fall to the wayside, because this empowers them to keep their small biased narrow minds so "dull"...I mean . .... What grown adult throws a rag at someone?? No, they need to admit their faults and definitely get what they deserve, which may be subtle at first but at least get the hypothetical ball rolling, definitely reach out to any higher ups if you are able to gather the resources, file a complaint against this business, tell someone with freaking EMPATHY your story!! In person. They cannot treat people of any color, gender, creed that way. Unacceptable and Unprofessional.
I definitely experience being treated inferior but I am "Caucasian" but can still relate to hateful miserable people belittling me or dismissing my human rights and trodding in my very logical sound intelligent mind.
I hope these white people can get their heads out from their butts...
Appalling to know about.
I wish this world would be more positive towards others because we work alot and people need to chill out.
Emily KesslerOrg. problem solver using design thinking
199
08/11/20 at 8:47PM UTC
I'm so sorry to hear of these negative experiences in your workplace. My guess is that your employer is too small to have an official Diversity and Inclusion office or program. Still, leadership should be alerted to the microaggressions and dismissals you've been experiencing on a regular basis. Do you have any comrades at work you could confide in about this? Are there any managers or leadership who seem open-minded about addressing Diversity and Inclusion matters in the workplace?
These articles may be useful to you:
https://hbr.org/2020/07/when-and-how-to-respond-to-microaggressions
https://www.fastcompany.com/3068670/how-to-shut-down-microagressions-at-work
Your concerns are real and valid. Don't let folks try to gaslight you into thinking nothing is going on. I wish I could do more to help.
Be well and good luck!
Sophia Ketchum
20
08/12/20 at 1:35PM UTC
Thank you for replying to my post. This employer is a "start Up" even though it's been around since 1974. So you guessed correctly, they're too small for an official Diversity and Inclusion office/program. I'm honestly too nervous to bring this up with anyone in Leadership, I don't "trust" anyone in leadership except for one person and she is working from home 24/7 and I briefly met her in February, got laid off, and when I came back she was already working from home.
I will take a look at the articles you shared, thank you for providing those and validating my experiences.
Emily KesslerOrg. problem solver using design thinking
199
08/12/20 at 2:14PM UTC
Sophia, is it possible for you to have a 1:1 phone call or video call with that one person you trust in leadership? I think it's a great idea to start documenting these occurrences, and then you could bring them to her attention. If you can try to get her to see the situation clearly and that these colleagues are behaving inappropriately, then it would be her job to make incremental changes.
I understand your nervousness. Unfortunately, it may be your role at first to teach these folks how to conduct themselves, which is unfair to you.
Sending good wishes your way!
Sophia Ketchum
20
08/12/20 at 2:25PM UTC
It would be possible for me to have a 1x1 phone call/video chat with that member in Leadership. It's the part where I need to gather enough courage to speak up about it, because if/when I do bring those incidents up with her, I will essentially be complaining about my own boss to her (the head of HR is my boss).
I'm honestly terrified to bring this up because I have been burned badly in the past for bringing things like this up with white people in the work place. This is definitely something that I have to strategically go about before speaking with leadership.
I definitely have considered talking to that one trusted Leadership member but I also want to tread lightly/keep my job.
Its truly a balancing act. Thank you for the encouraging words/wishes and providing me with ideas to turn into action.
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