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Is it okay to be friends with your boss?
When my current boss became my boss, we instantly clicked. We work incredibly well together but also have a very casual work relationship. But I’m feeling the dynamic shift more from boss to friends and although I enjoy her company, I’m not sure if this is okay.
She by no means makes me feel uncomfortable with what she shares and I seriously think we’d be friends if we weren’t colleagues. But I’m not sure what to do here. Is this okay? Should we talk about this? Has anyone been here before?
Melissa Kim Morris Feagler
Admin - Georgia Department of Natural Resources
23
06/09/20 at 12:45PM UTC
It does sound good to be friends with your boss. It does make the work days more enjoyable, and it is easier to tackle difficult projects, etc. But only if you are her only employee. When you introduce others into the mixture, that is when it can become a problem. The other employee may not click as friends or even want to be friends at work. That will create jealousy and division. Also there could be private/legal conversations or decisions made with upper management that she can't disclose to you. I don't know what type of company you work for - small family business or large corporate, but regardless there will come a time where problems will arise. It will take both of you being professional and honest with each other even when it gets uncomfortable. I agree will everyone that commented before me about boundaries - those need to be clear on both sides.
Suzi Jain Juarez
37
06/08/20 at 2:49AM UTC
I don't think there is anything wrong with being friends with your boss. I've had a couple of bosses that became good friends, which continued after we worked together. It can make for a more honest, collaborative work environment.
Explorer541118
11
06/07/20 at 3:41PM UTC (Edited)
When I was at university in my hometown (DR) I was in a Administrative and Operational Audit class where my teacher made a debate test about this, and the answer was simple: its hard but not impossible to be friend with your boss even if you were good friends when he was partner before. Relationship changes once the other one becomes your boss
Paulla FetzekTeacher, Lighting Expert, & Office Professional
1.73k
06/07/20 at 2:58PM UTC
At my current job, one of my former supervisors was also a friend. I work for a relatively small company and many of us know each other on a personal level outside the office. In addition, many of us travel several times a year to attend trade shows - and we often have to room together (boys and boys, girls and girls - nothing scandalous *laugh*). This could include with our boss or supervisor.
I enjoyed my friendship with my supervisor, and did my best to not let this friendship run during working hours. I don't think she treated me unfairly - nor did she ever give me advantages over other people she supervised. But there were multiple times I really wished she was more of a boss and less of a friend.
She's no longer with my company [much to my chagrin - she was an excellent worker and an all-around good person] and we've kept our friendship. I don't talk with her nearly as much as I used to. But my life is far the better having her in it.
All the best...
zarafa101
11
06/07/20 at 7:44AM UTC (Edited)
Nope! My boss and another coworker became friends. Kids played together; boss and coworker went to concerts together. There was definitely favoritism. The coworker got multiple jobs that were never posted or offered to anyone else. Created a lot of resentment toward both of them.
Akeba RiceStrategist & Connector in the Dental Biz
221
06/07/20 at 7:35AM UTC
As all the replies, it’s about respect, boundaries and getting the work done. I’d also keep my personal business to myself until whoever leaves the company. People are friendly until they are not, we are human.
Maggie Stone Mental Health Counselor
966
06/06/20 at 11:43PM UTC (Edited)
I would say proceed with caution, particularly when sharing personal information. I have had it come back to bite me when I have blurred the line in the past. I had one former manager that I trusted and vowed as a friend. I shared something (not work related) with her in confidence that I specifically asked her not to share with the owner. She told him anyway. Since that time I have avoided sharing much personal information with coworkers, hanging out with coworkers outside of work, or friending or following them on social media.
[email protected]#girlboss #newlymintedceo
410
06/06/20 at 7:42PM UTC
For the past 20 or so years, I’ve always been “one of the bosses.” I currently work with two women who have known me for 17 years. We have worked together at two different companies over the years. They have both been direct reports of mine at one time. I know both of their significant others, their children, and even parents and siblings. I know where they both live. They know more about me than most people. I have never been to either of their homes. I consider them colleagues and work friends, but I draw boundaries around my work and my life outside of work. It used to be awkward, and now that I am the CEO, I feel it is a good thing that those boundaries exist. I don’t want to be seen as playing favorites.
LORI-ANN BURLINGAMEProject Coordinator in Ohio
798
06/06/20 at 9PM UTC
I agree with you and respect the manner in which you have handled this. Objectivity is so important.
Leigh Hammond-Carrillo
130
06/06/20 at 7:18PM UTC
My boss cared for me a lot. We were close. I count that as the only reason I was kept for so long; she kept giving me chances for things that had gotten others fired immediately. Be friends with your boss.
Anonymous
06/06/20 at 7:13PM UTC
Reading all of the above, it seems I fall under the category of exceptions. But I actually think it all goes down to personality, understanding and consideration. I haven't had a female as a boss actually, all my bosses have been men. Some good some not so good. Two of them I consider friends and also trusted advisors outside work matters. For me it was interesting if they can continue developing me and giving constructive criticism despite the friendship and the answer was yes. I actually learned a lot as to how the friendship allowed to be more honest with difficult feedback as you don't take it personally and trust the feedback. Currently as a manager I have also couple employees where we will speak outside working hours and to be honest the pandemic has made these instances more often. I am absolutely fine giving them constructive criticism when and where needed. The respect is there under the professional environment. I really think it is based on the person. So may be choose carefully who you want as friends :)
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