My manager says I can always be honest about how I’m feeling but he rushes me off calls and provides no support

Anonymous

January 10,2023 at 1:48PM UTC

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My manager says I can always be honest about how I’m feeling but he rushes me off calls and provides no support

I started out loving my job and my manager, but we restructured and brought on a whole new team in my department that are a nightmare to work with. I can’t go into detail about the structure of my company without risking someone I work with seeing this because it’s so specific that it’d be obvious. What’s important is that this new teams lacks the qualifications and experience needed for their roles, but they are paid 6 figures due to being doctors. They have transitioned from practicing in their fields to working corporate with 0 corporate experience. They pawn all their work off on me, complain about technology, and are rude to me and my colleagues. When we speak up, we’re dismissed. We’ve gotten the message that you only matter in the company if you are a doctor, even if you don’t do your job. I work 50-60 hours a week to do the jobs of people who put in 10 hours and spend the rest of their time driving around shopping. They have joined calls from the mall. I am burnt out. I am unhappy. I feel disrespected and no longer feel valued.

My manager previously told me to tell him if I’m overwhelmed or have any problems. He made it sound welcoming. But when I actually do that, he does nothing. He just panics, rushes me off the phone, and finds a reason to end the meeting 45 minutes early. I have too much on my plate but he doesn’t want to stand up to this new team, so it scares him when I start to say I need things taken off my plate when he knows there is no one else who will step up. He always tells me how valuable I am to the company and that they’d suffer without me, but they treat me like the dumping ground for the work no one wants to do and underpay me while overpaying the doctors who make me do their work for them so they can go antique shopping. I need to leave but I am so burnt out that I have no energy to job search. I feel trapped. Anyone else ever been in this place? How did you find the energy to job search in that mental state?

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AnonymousJanuary 10,2023 at 2:37PM UTC
It is HARD. I have been in a very similar situation. They preached work/life balacnce and then would say, we'll the work has to get done. Or "no one should be missing any family events or working late into the night" but would then follow up with, how x, y, and z still has to be done on time.
I just got to the point where I had to use my time away from there job hunting, reaching out to friends who could help out. Paid for Linkedin and actually updated my profile.
I took the job I wouldn't love forever to work better hours so then I could get back to having a life and regroup so I could focus on finding something I'd love. I don't hate this new job, there's just not as much work which at times in nice but it can get boring. But not working 60 and more hours has been amazing for my mental health.
Before taking this other position, I tried one more time talking to my supervisor saying I could not continue working the way I was, doing others people's work and just overall working the hours I was working. They never thought I'd leave, but I took them at they weren't going to change so the only way I could survive was to leave. It helped I was able to find something else, but at the same time I was going to work multiple jobs if I had to to get our of my current situation.
Kristin BurnsJanuary 10,2023 at 2:49PM UTC
I would document the requests you are getting in writing. I'm assuming you have a job description/role that includes what your responsibilities should be. Talk with your boss, and be honest. Say I can do x or y but not both, which is priority. It is still a job seeker's market and your skills could transfer elsewhere. As for not standing up to doctors (have close family members who are doctors, so I've seen it play out outside of work too!), people are afraid to question them even when it's obvious they are not experts in every aspect of work life. But talk to some nurses sometime to demystify the profession! You can also frame the situation as new skills the doctors have to learn to be successful in their new roles. As it stands, they are succeeding because you are covering for their lack of action.
AnonymousJanuary 10,2023 at 2:54PM UTC
I took a leave of absence to regroup and recalibrate. After a few weeks I began my search and landed a great role.
AnonymousJanuary 10,2023 at 3:20PM UTC
There is no worse place to be in an organization than indispensable. I have been there, and the company started to have a problem with me taking a vacation. If you have PTO, take it and tell them you are not going to be able to be contacted while away. Keep your phone off, and set up an email response for when you will be back, stating to contact your manager if it is urgent. If you are salaried, you should also have comp time banked (if they do that). Take that too. Take them all at once and use the time to find another job. If they balk at taking it all at once, ask for FMLA leave for your mental health because you are burning out. Workers in medical settings are in reasonably high demand right now. Trust me. They will figure out how to get the jobs done.
AnonymousJanuary 11,2023 at 8:07PM UTC
Find an outlet speak to someone from your companies EAP- employee assistance program. Let them know you need help and definitely sit your manager down again and be direct. He might be suffering the same fate as you and perhaps you can look together. Find a new employer that supports you and work life balance and lastly cut off your work at 40 hours. If you work more than that notify leadership that you expect overtime. It sounds like your role is primarily adminstrative which means you might legally be eligible for it anyway. Money could soften the blow in the near term till you find a new home.
Jennifer FalandysJanuary 12,2023 at 9:14PM UTC
Cutting you off early doesn't change the fact that you are a valuable employee, and they know they don't have anyone else to do it. Carrying around that awareness can be crushing, I have been there working in mental health and I stayed because I didn't want to let my clients down and leave them with people that couldn't provide the same quality of care, but eventually I got so burned out I got sick. Sometimes folks aren't equipped to give advice, so I would suggest finding someone off site and who is not involved in your organization to vent to. Perhaps contact HR and see if they have an EAP program. I didn't have the mental capacity to dig around for jobs on my own. I went to the labor department and got hooked up with a job counselor and an employment assistance program that helped me redo my resume, too.
Audrey KirschJanuary 12,2023 at 10:10PM UTC
Have you tried saying no when getting dumped on? Saying sorry, but I already have too much on my plate to take anymore is worth a try. I rarely say no but when I do everyone knows I'm not kidding. They see how much I handle and trust that I wouldn't turn any work down unless I was getting overwhelmed. If, on the other hand, you're looking for the respect that you think this new team gets just because of their title, you shouldn't hold your breath as it will never happen. You have the energy to work 50 - 60 hour weeks, so you just have to apply the same get it done attitude to looking for another job if that is what you really want.
Jane EkejiubaJanuary 13,2023 at 10:11AM UTC
My dear you need to live first, give yourself time to get back your energy and search for a job.
Liz MilneJanuary 16,2023 at 1:44PM UTC
Have you tried, when he starts panicking and hurrying to end the call, saying something like '[Boss], you said I could let you know when I'm feeling overwhelmed. This is me, letting you know that I'm beginning to feel overwhelmed.' - and then go on to suggest some ways that will ease the pace of your work? Longer deadlines to get stuff done, a clear structure for the new hires about what is and is not your job, suggestions on how they can start stepping up, etc?
Obviously, this needs your boss to be in the right mindset, but hopefully giving him some solutions would be a way to help him help you, if you see what I mean?