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Manager refuses to give me a reference (and this is really awkward)
My manager and I don’t really hit it off (hence, why I’m looking for a new job). Recently, this manager declined to recommend me as being a good fit for another role. While this is the exact opposite of giving me confidence, should I consider this being a favor –– as I’m realizing he’d probably not be the best fit to talk about great things about me?
I’m not sure what to think of this, really. But I definitely need a new reference strategy. Any and all advice?? Thank you!
Anonymous
08/30/20 at 3:18AM UTC
I agree with the previous posts but want to add my perspective. I have had a similar experience with a person who used to be a solid reference and then ghosted me when I needed her. In fact I was a great reference for her and she still has the job I gave her a great ref for several years later.
I understand it was due to a misunderstanding about my relationship with people she knew who gossiped. They were not the kinds of people I wish to work with again though.
At the time it came as a real punch and I temporarily fell down. Okay so I got myself back up and realized that anyone who is not really going to share enthusiastic feedback about me is not someone I want on my team. I found other wonderful people. I realize that working with people who I am safe with and trust is so important. However, first I had to become more of myself to attract the best people. Yes, I still experience a few people who ghost me or who are not reliable but I will move on from those people since I have to be where my heart is and with people I trust.
Shawn M. Pelletier
Certified Diversity Professional
52
08/27/20 at 9:43PM UTC
Some companies have a policy that they can't give references about the employees performance, they can only verify if the person worked there. Check to see if that is the policy at your company. If not, evaluate how important is a reference from your boss. Be really honest with yourself. If it is important, ask why your boss won't give you a reference. Keep in mind that if you two don't hit it off as you said above, it's probably best to walk away from it. If your boss concedes and provides a reference that is less than glowing, how will that serve you? I suggest you don't waste your energy because it could do more harm and that would be awful.
Sherry MooreInformation Technology/Advanced Cyber Security
11
08/26/20 at 2PM UTC
I have had the experience of at least two (2) organizations that do not allow leadership or management to give employee references to outside companies. I would recommend keeping a copy of your latest employee evaluation plan, awards, and any customer appreciation emails or letters to show case your performance when interviewing with a prospective employer.
Lenainformal and formal educator
200
08/25/20 at 8:49PM UTC
I think it is a blessing. I know a manager that has agreed to give references to people and gave them negative references. I know for a fact that they asked first. I would rather have someone tell me they can't give me a good reference than give me a bad one.
Heather Isley-SalazarAdm. Assistant in the Chicago-land area
194
08/24/20 at 7:56PM UTC
I would assume by now your current boss took the hint you're looking for a new job. So you both are on the same page, I would suggest a one on one with your boss. This will give you the opportunity to ask your boss why he doesn't feel you are a good fir for your current position. However I feel you may already know since you are already looking. But having this one on one will open the door to constructive communication. And in your next interview, do not bash your boss. I would reference instead the conversation you are going to have him.
Estar UpiaBusiness Ops Professional
659
08/24/20 at 7:54PM UTC
I think you should seek someone else for a positive reference; however, you should ask your manager what exactly makes him decline your request. You need to understand how others view you, particularly your manager, so that you can use that feedback to improve. Hope this helps!
Christina LeyExperienced LMS Administrator
72
08/24/20 at 7:51PM UTC
Is it mandatory that the supervisor give you a reference? I'd recommend asking a co-worker. Someone that you had a close working relationship with that can speak to your strengths.
Barb HansenStartup Product, Growth & Strategy
6.67k
08/24/20 at 5:58PM UTC
If your current boss won't give you a recommendation, then move on and don't give it another moment of your time.
If you want to have a reference from your current job, then ask a co-workers to provide you a reference.
Cara HouserCoaching + Digital Courses for High Impact Women
1.93k
08/24/20 at 5:50PM UTC
Definitely don't want a bad rec. Think of others familiar with your work, skills, and experience and ask them. If you can't readily assemble a few names, work to cultivate these relationships so you'll have them down the road. This is helpful anyway since it's always a good idea to make sure your value is visible more broadly than just your direct supervisor. Best to you.
Anonymous
08/24/20 at 5:36PM UTC
It's a blessing. You never want a bad reference. Imagine if he said yes and then talked in a negative way about you.
I agree with Anita's idea of learning as much as you can from him.
Reference strategies: If someone at the same level as, or above your manager knows your skills, you could ask them. I've done this before. I also took some classes in between jobs and have utilized a couple of teachers as references, one whom I did research for. And I kept in touch with past bosses, who have repeatedly served as strong references for me, even when I had a string of bad luck with jobs over the course of several years.
Hope this helps!
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