You are amazing! All kudos to you, and yes, it's hard, but let's get real: nothing about starting over and caring for your children, being a single working mom who got out of a terrible situation -- none of that is failure. That is courage and guts and smarts and you need to tell yourself everyday what an amazing human being you are. Start there.
Second, yes, you are struggling to make ends meet. That is also not a personal failure. It is a challenge, I am not trying to downplay it, but labeling it a failure will not make it better. And it's not honest. Lots of people struggle to make ends meet for a lot of reasons. You are working three jobs: two paid and one unpaid as a single parent. You are tired and of course it feels disheartening. But again, it is neither accurate nor productive to label it failure.
Label it "temporary."
You are gaining experience. You are doing work you enjoy which allows you to be there for your children, especially your special-needs child. You are a freakin' rock star.
It feels like forever, but it's not. You are in what James Clear ("Atomic Habits") calls the Valley of Despair, where the steps you're taking have started to build, but you can't see it yet. He likens it to melting an ice cube. If you increase the temperature from 23 degrees all the way up to 30 degrees -- nothing seems to happen. The ice cube is still frozen. But just a couple more degrees and the ice cube will start to melt. You will have reached the melting/tipping point, and it feels like that's the only effort that counts. But in truth, you couldn't have gotten there without the effort to raise the temperature those first degrees, even though it looked like that effort was getting you nowhere.
Someone suggested finding someone else in a similar situation and pooling your resources. Whether you do that in terms of your living situation or not, I absolutely second the idea of building a safety net of other people. Your network can help you with everything, from babysitting to sharing job leads to practicing interview skills to, I don't know, forming a band! Seriously, anything you can think of, having other supportive people around you and helping each other out makes it all easier. And that includes making ends meet, as well as having a cheering section when you're feeling low.
Can you find mommy-and-me meet-ups? Can you join a group of parents with kids with similar special-needs as your little one? What are your hobbies? Can you find people who do those as well? None of these things needs to cost money; you just want to find people who are connected to you in some way.
Look to any government/community resources that might be available, especially locally, not just for the resources themselves, but also for access to the community of people who use them. What opportunities do your local churches offer, especially for kids? That's another community to tap into. The library. The school district. The more you can connect with diverse groups of other people, the more people you will find whom you will genuinely like. You will want to help them, they will want to help you. You will all rise together.
In terms of money, look at how much you're bringing in with the remote work you're doing. This is where you currently have experience and you enjoy the work. That's good. Being able to work remotely also allows you to care for your children; factor in how much it would cost to do that if you were working in person. I know it doesn't look like you're bringing in as much as you want, but add that expense to your "income" -- your time is actually "worth" that much more. (Lots of quotes, because your inherent worth is unconnected to the money you bring in, but of course we tangle the two up all the time.) I just want you to see how incredibly valuable you actually are.
What's one tweak you can make to bring in just a little more? Can you ask for a raise - or ask what you need to do to get a raise? Can you teach a virtual workshop on something technical/difficult in the billing/processing process that you do particularly well and charge people $25 for the one-hour class? Can you babysit for friends, where they drop their child off at your house for a few hours; the kids get a play date and you get paid?
Can you reach out to people in your or other companies who are a little ahead of you, not to look for jobs, but for informational interviews to find out if there's a future in the field for you? These kinds of interviews are gold: you're not asking for work, you're asking for advice. People love to give advice, and you get to time-travel, to see what it looks like two, five, ten years down the line depending what choices you make now. Always ask them what they wish they'd known when they were just starting out. Take any advice that rings true to you and ALWAYS report back with thanks immediately, and then with good news a couple of weeks later (find something good to share). You will be remembered.
I know it seems terribly hard and lonely right now, but you are building such a better life for yourself and your children. You are awesome. I'm so happy you are using this community and I hope you feel less alone knowing that everyone is rooting for you, and that I, for one, am in awe of your courage and grit in starting this new life.
All the very best --
Laura
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