Mystery Woman

Tell us more for better jobs, advice
and connections

YOUR GROUPS

Discover and join groups with like-minded women who share your interests, profession, and lifestyle.

COMPANIES YOU FOLLOW

Get alerted when there are new employee reviews.

YOUR JOB ALERTS

Get notified when new jobs are posted.

Your post is published!

Anonymous

07/09/20 at 2PM UTC

Career

I've always felt like a wallflower. How do I gain confidence?

I struggled to figure out what category to put this post in because this is a problem that seeps into all aspects of my life. Yet my confidence issues have definitely hurt me significantly at work. I don't assert myself. I'm a follower. I offer to help out but my voice is never heard. This problem has persisted my entire career, but I was just passed over for a promotion I deserved — and I feel now more than ever it's time for me to do something about it. How do you empower yourself (and others!) at work? In your everyday life? I know this is a long process but I'd love to take the first step toward more confidence.

Join the conversation...

Janice Enoch

Associate Director

07/16/20 at 5:01PM UTC

My advice is to work on changing your mindset. I believe in practicing daily positive affirmations to remind yourself that you can do anything! I suggest working on silencing the inner critic and changing your negative thoughts to positive thoughts which will ultimately boost your confidence. Lastly, my advice is to "do it afraid". The more you step out of your comfort zone the easier it will be to assert yourself, command attention and develop belief in your own abilities.

Suzanne Taylor

Career Consultant // Higher Ed Expert

07/15/20 at 4:26AM UTC

I can totally relate! As a former wallflower coming out of her shell, there were 2 strategies that helped me: 1) Actively pay attention to what others do that you appreciate or admire. Maybe it’s a colleague who proactively offers an idea in a meeting or an acquaintance that offers to go out for drinks for the first time. Chances are, others will welcome you to actively contribute to work/relationships too. 2) Practice! Pick some “low stakes” opportunities to do or say something you normally wouldn’t. Strike up a conversation with a stranger or brag about work accomplishments with a friend. Eventually, the discomfort will get more comfortable. Good luck!

Chre M. Davis, M.S.Ed.

1.04k

Administrator | Educator | Intrapreneur

07/15/20 at 12:15PM UTC

I couldn't agree more, Suzanne! Practicing self-awareness and putting yourself out there are tactics that over time helped me to overcome shrinking away from social situations. Learning to love your own awkwardness is also a great way to get out of your own head about it and just be present with others. It takes time, but I am finally feeling myself and enjoying myself (and others!) at this new stage in my life.

Helen Hanison

436

Helen Hanison's Leadership Coaching

07/14/20 at 6:08PM UTC

https://mailchi.mp/59b704ad51a6/rewinding-your-narrative

Helen Hanison

436

Helen Hanison's Leadership Coaching

07/14/20 at 6:06PM UTC

I agree with you. It’s time to act when you feel this level of recognition of the cost it comes at to keep things as they are. So this readiness is an important step in itself. I also agree with others who have said this - your next steps are around building self-expertise now you’ve brought this Issue of not speaking up to the surface. Now I have a framework that I use with my clients whenever we need to unpack some pattern between an entrenched pattern thinking and their actions. It gives them the tools they need to pivot to a new narrative and different actions - so achieving new results, the ones they actually want. I’m most happy to share but struggling to find a way to put it here. I’ll try that in a separate comment but let me say this - please be in touch to ash how to tend your narrative. We’ll get it over to you so you can get going on disrupting your old story. Keep in touch. Warmly Helen

Aly Brine

1.59k

Helping Corporate Hippies thrive on LinkedIn!

07/09/20 at 5:43PM UTC

The fact that you're self-aware enough to recognize this pattern in yourself and your experiences says a lot about your strength as an individual! As mentioned above, there are tons of resources available on the topic but I'd also encourage you to start doing more self-reflection work. Starting to ask yourself questions like why did I handle that situation that way? How did that make me feel? How do I actually want to feel? And see what answers show up for you.

Kelli

1.46k

Helps senior-level women make career changes

07/15/20 at 2:16PM UTC

I agree with Aly - being that self-aware is the perfect first step. Continue self-discovery work and try to dig deep to get to the root of WHY you're not confident.

Nicole Lauber

132

Project Director

07/09/20 at 5:31PM UTC

I know there's a stigma with self-help books, but they're a great starting point in developing your confidence! "You are a Badass" by Jen Sincero and "Everything is Figureoutable" by Marie Forleo both have very simplistic-yet-powerful language and actionable steps to become the person you want to be. Marie Forleo has a ton of free content as well if you want to check her out before spending money. I'm not part of her team or anything, just a big fan! www.marieforleo.com

You're invited.

See what women are sharing on Fairygodboss.

What's new today

Personalize your jobs

Get recommendations for recent and relevant jobs.

Employer Reviews

SF-Marin Food Bank

4.5

Set clear boundaries about your time to help normalize more...

Penn Medicine

3.5

You will learn a lot of great skills. Additionally, there...