Things are better!

Question

Sorry in advance to the lengthy response to this issue. Prior to COVID-19, I'd just received an 'under-performed' performance rating. I was in the midst of contesting the rating, wrote a lengthy rebuttal to HR, and was generally miserable. This has in fact, a 4+ year battle of wills with this Company. I was in a constant state of anxiety with my 'horrible' supervisor. I was at that point working partially at home, and partially in the office. My health has been on a downward slope because of this job, and more specifically, because of the 'boss from hell'. The only reason she allowed work at home was because I had my doctors write letters that indicated my need to be remote because of serious  medical conditions. Then COVID-19 hit. My entire team is (almost the whole company) are working from home. The toxicity has diminished and aside from one minor issue, the communication between my supervisor and I has improved. This situation's  silver lining for me is that I am no-longer the 'work-at-home outlier' and I feel as though not having the physical contact, complete with unpleasant facial expressions, negative body language and a myriad of not-so-great physical cues has lessened the conflict (from both she and I). It seems that most people are kinder, more considerate and overall this has put my intention to leave this company on hold.

Anonymous · Answer

I would not stop looking for something new, I don't believe this 'everyone is in this together let's be nice' attitude will continue and for most companies the bottom line is going to dictate staff reductions in the summer/fall so be mindful of that and keep looking.

Mommalenoci · Answer

That’s great that it’s better but I have been there. I worked for a horror of a young woman who was clueless how to communicate. 32 years old. Rude and demanding and not honest which I had a terrible time with.  It made me seriously emotionally exhausted. But once I was out of that environment and able to do my work correctly I was back to myself.

She will not change and most likely will be the same bully when you get back to the in office environment. Just be mindful and protect yourself.

Patty Moss · Answer

I love happy... holds!

Anonymous · Answer

Hi,
Similar situation subpar performance review a few months back. Was devastated! I started to fight and try to prove gaslighting and retaliation.  Unfortunately, I didn’t document how I’m spoken too, unrealistic expectations and snide comments made that I allowed me to feel stupid. Besides, her behavior is allowed/tolerated therefore I have to go. 
I may live in a perfect utopia however I strongly feel women should be building one another up and helping them succeed to the next level #shareyourknowledge
 I’m looking forward to the day I’m in a better work environment and where my contributions matter. godboss, we know our worth and that’s what we have to keep telling ourselves ?

JosephineSanders · Answer

love the positive note!

godboss4529 · Answer

I realize that but I am going to request full work at home. But when the rest of the team returns I think her bullying could resume to a a certain degree. But I am enjoying this time without the conflict.

Jillian Post · Answer

This makes so much sense. Your “abuser” (let’s face it, that’s what they were) no longer has complete control. Think about what we know about domestic violence. Abusers are most effective when they can keep their recipients from having contact with the outside world. They find lame excuses to keep them away from  friends, parents, support system, even their job - then they undermine those support people to try and get their “victim” full of self doubt about their support system’s loyalty. The bottom line is this. Abusive people need to keep a person locked in a bad situation (under surveillance, for instance) in order to be effective. Once that scenario is interrupted, the person being abused can begin to break free and see more clearly. (And by the way, this scene is being played out all over the world right now.) Unhealthy families are in lock down and domestic violence is going unchecked. Some are probably in fear for their lives. It’s horrific to think about. 
So work cultures aren’t much different and the hold has been broken - this person can no longer do what they had been doing and get by with it. There is space between the two of you and their might be watchful eyes (accountability). The bad news is, it may return with a vengeance once the remote work ends. Be aware.

godboss4529 · Answer

Thanks - yes. It's really that she's not confident in her own abilities and threatened that I know more than she does (I do because I am much older with substantially more experience). She could use my experience to our team's advantage, but would rather sabotage me. Very discouraging.

godboss4529 · Answer

I am certainly going to try. It takes so much energy to live in a toxic workplace. It's likely that I will continue to work at home most of the time, even after there is a new normal. Working remotely definitely helps. Without verbal expressions (I can't hide how I really feel - it's written all over my face) and body language cues, I am able to manage my emotions and reactions better.

Andrea · Answer

Thank you for sharing! This is so uplifting and a really great positive to come out of all of this. I hope the kind relations continue even through the company's transition back to the office.

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