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godboss4529
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127
Writer, Editor
04/29/20 at 2:37PM UTC
in
Career

Things are better!

Sorry in advance to the lengthy response to this issue. Prior to COVID-19, I'd just received an "under-performed" performance rating. I was in the midst of contesting the rating, wrote a lengthy rebuttal to HR, and was generally miserable. This has in fact, a 4+ year battle of wills with this Company. I was in a constant state of anxiety with my "horrible" supervisor. I was at that point working partially at home, and partially in the office. My health has been on a downward slope because of this job, and more specifically, because of the "boss from hell". The only reason she allowed work at home was because I had my doctors write letters that indicated my need to be remote because of serious medical conditions. Then COVID-19 hit. My entire team is (almost the whole company) are working from home. The toxicity has diminished and aside from one minor issue, the communication between my supervisor and I has improved. This situation's silver lining for me is that I am no-longer the "work-at-home outlier" and I feel as though not having the physical contact, complete with unpleasant facial expressions, negative body language and a myriad of not-so-great physical cues has lessened the conflict (from both she and I). It seems that most people are kinder, more considerate and overall this has put my intention to leave this company on hold.

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JosephineSanders
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165
05/01/20 at 8:26PM UTC
love the positive note!
godboss4529
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127
Writer, Editor
05/01/20 at 3:29PM UTC
I realize that but I am going to request full work at home. But when the rest of the team returns I think her bullying could resume to a a certain degree. But I am enjoying this time without the conflict.
Jillian Post
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1.3k
Building better communication strategies
05/01/20 at 1:15PM UTC
This makes so much sense. Your “abuser” (let’s face it, that’s what they were) no longer has complete control. Think about what we know about domestic violence. Abusers are most effective when they can keep their recipients from having contact with the outside world. They find lame excuses to keep them away from friends, parents, support system, even their job - then they undermine those support people to try and get their “victim” full of self doubt about their support system’s loyalty. The bottom line is this. Abusive people need to keep a person locked in a bad situation (under surveillance, for instance) in order to be effective. Once that scenario is interrupted, the person being abused can begin to break free and see more clearly. (And by the way, this scene is being played out all over the world right now.) Unhealthy families are in lock down and domestic violence is going unchecked. Some are probably in fear for their lives. It’s horrific to think about. So work cultures aren’t much different and the hold has been broken - this person can no longer do what they had been doing and get by with it. There is space between the two of you and their might be watchful eyes (accountability). The bad news is, it may return with a vengeance once the remote work ends. Be aware.
godboss4529
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127
Writer, Editor
04/30/20 at 7:23PM UTC
I am certainly going to try. It takes so much energy to live in a toxic workplace. It's likely that I will continue to work at home most of the time, even after there is a new normal. Working remotely definitely helps. Without verbal expressions (I can't hide how I really feel - it's written all over my face) and body language cues, I am able to manage my emotions and reactions better.
Andrea
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650
04/30/20 at 6:06PM UTC
Thank you for sharing! This is so uplifting and a really great positive to come out of all of this. I hope the kind relations continue even through the company's transition back to the office.
godboss4529
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127
Writer, Editor
04/30/20 at 1:49PM UTC
Thanks - yes. It's really that she's not confident in her own abilities and threatened that I know more than she does (I do because I am much older with substantially more experience). She could use my experience to our team's advantage, but would rather sabotage me. Very discouraging.
Anonymous
04/29/20 at 6:17PM UTC
Hi, Similar situation subpar performance review a few months back. Was devastated! I started to fight and try to prove gaslighting and retaliation. Unfortunately, I didn’t document how I’m spoken too, unrealistic expectations and snide comments made that I allowed me to feel stupid. Besides, her behavior is allowed/tolerated therefore I have to go. I may live in a perfect utopia however I strongly feel women should be building one another up and helping them succeed to the next level #shareyourknowledge I’m looking forward to the day I’m in a better work environment and where my contributions matter. godboss, we know our worth and that’s what we have to keep telling ourselves ?
godboss4529
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127
Writer, Editor
04/29/20 at 6:31PM UTC
Wow - wonder if she has a twin. I wish you luck, but caution you (and myself) that no situation is perfect.
Anonymous
04/29/20 at 10:12PM UTC
No, I just think sometimes leaders forget to lead, and empower. Power goes to their head and they can’t admit that there not always right or feel threatened if someone may know more. It’s quite ridiculous. It’s such a one way street too they want respect but they don’t give it. Double standard. Yes, I agree there’s no ideal situation in the workplace. I just had enough of being treated poorly. I know it’s not all my fault because others have the same issue. It’s been almost a year trying to escape her wrath. Bright side and yes it’s a shining bright side that I’m still employed when so many others aren’t. Have a great evening!
Mommalenoci
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29
Family Law Paralegal
04/29/20 at 3:22PM UTC
That’s great that it’s better but I have been there. I worked for a horror of a young woman who was clueless how to communicate. 32 years old. Rude and demanding and not honest which I had a terrible time with. It made me seriously emotionally exhausted. But once I was out of that environment and able to do my work correctly I was back to myself. She will not change and most likely will be the same bully when you get back to the in office environment. Just be mindful and protect yourself.
godboss4529
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127
Writer, Editor
04/29/20 at 6:29PM UTC
You're most likely right. The one thing I have decided is that I will insist on 90% work at home. I will come in one a month. My medical doctors will back this up. I just turned 60, so I am not thrilled about starting over. The devil I know may be better than the unknown. So, if I can continue to work remotely, I may wait it out for two more years, when I can comfortably retire.
Saudia Santure
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247
04/30/20 at 12:49PM UTC
The great thing is that you know where you are from a life perspective. Two more years, working at home sounds manageable. I'd also get you HR advocate involved and let them know what's happening They can help be an advocate for you. Good luck!!
godboss4529
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127
Writer, Editor
04/30/20 at 1:46PM UTC
I was disappointed in HR. I spoke with the rep in the morning and found out that afternoon that she'd spoken to my boss after she spoke to me and told her everything I thought was being communicated in confidence. So, I am conflicted about HR.
Anonymous
04/29/20 at 3:01PM UTC
I would not stop looking for something new, I don't believe this "everyone is in this together let's be nice" attitude will continue and for most companies the bottom line is going to dictate staff reductions in the summer/fall so be mindful of that and keep looking.
Patty Moss
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130
04/29/20 at 2:48PM UTC
I love happy... holds!

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