Combative business partner destroying my confidence

Question

I work in a huge company. My primary project involves leading the marketing strategy for a complicated product. I work as part of a large Go To Market team and the leader of the team constantly lashes out at me in very public forums. She has berated me for suggesting ideas contrary to hers, reporting progress she is not happy with, and pushing back on her expectations for marketing which my team are not able to meet. It happened again today and for the third time in two months I had another person on the call reach out to me afterwards to see if I am OK. I am not. My own leadership is a mess and not supportive of me. I've expressed my concerns and even went so far asking to be taken off the project. In the end, I am told by my leadership that I need to 'take ownership' of the problem. This woman has a history of going above my head to stir the pot and is vocal that she is not happy with the marketing on this project. My own boss has looked at my work and says this overblown and not a true reflection and I continually receive positive feedback from other business partners working on this project. However, I am terrified to confront her. I am afraid I am going to burst into tears or worse she will again go higher up the chain and complain about me. My husband is losing his job due to COVID and I can't afford to lose mine. I don't know what to do.

Katrina McNair · Answer

First I'm extremely sorry that you feel so unappreciated and wish you could find a job that satisfies you and meets your needs.  Whenever you decide to confront your manager I would have a member of HR with you sit in on this meeting.  Everything needs to be documented and you need a witness to her behavior and treatment of you.  Also make sure you have documentation such as emails or hand written evidence of her behavior towards you.  Remain calm and speak with an even tone.  Don't give her fuel to ignite the fire that she has already created.  This will allow you to hopefully get to the bottom of this situation and find out why she is treating you this way.

If this doesn't stop or reduce the type of harassments and abuse she is giving you then find a part time job to make ends meet and quit.  I understand that you said your husband is also losing his job but it won't help you if become ill from your toxic work environment.  I hope this helps.

Sincerely,

Katrina

Janice Enoch · Answer

Oh no, I am so sorry you're going thru this horrible experience.  I suggest reaching out to your HR department and having a candid conversation with them about your options.  They should be able to give you good solid advice on how best to approach the terrible situation.

Allyson · Answer

Have you: 
1- spoken to her in private and asked if you got off on the wrong foot or gave her an impression that you were trying to undercut her? 
2- Quietly pointed out in the moment it happens that you try very hard to provide solutions for the team to consider and you'd appreciate it if your ideas could receive consideration without personal attacks?
3- spoken to her management about her behavior? if it's not specific to you, she seems like a loose cannon and a liability to the company
4- spoken with HR on strategies to address this behavior and what happens if those fail and you do not feel safe at your place of employment.

If you've tried these things, I think I would ask leadership what exactly they mean by 'take ownership of the situation' after explaining the steps you have taken to try to address the situation. And start looking elsewhere...

Anonymous · Answer

If you have not taken ownership of the issue yet you need to do so.    In a polite public fashion ask her to not speak to you in that way, call her out PUBLICALLY  AND  documenting her responses is great too.  KEEP most responses to her in writing.     Try your best not to engage.   She knows your nature and is taking advantage.

Corinne Burch · Answer

I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with this workplace bully.  Do you have a Human Resources department that could help you with this situation?  Keep your head up and don't allow this person's actions to undermine your confidence.  Don't stoop to her level.  Keep your conduct professional.

The unwillingness of your leadership to address her conduct is troubling and reflects poorly on the organizational culture.  If your HR people and your leadership are not going to step up and address the situation, you may need to start looking for another position elsewhere. You deserve to be treated with respect and to be working for an organization that demands appropriate behavior from its workforce.

You're invited.

See what women are sharing on Fairygodboss.