I've never in my 45 year career had this experience.

48 Comments

1. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistJune 10,2023 at 3:48AM UTC

   A job not being a fit isn't failure.
   That's like saying you're a failure because that pair of shoes you bought doesn't fit.

   That place is a fit for some folks - just not for you. Just like places you've worked that have been a good fit for you probably wouldn't have been a fit for them. It sounds like they have a terrible on-boarding process. That's not your fault.

   When you know, you know. In a previous position, I literally knew Day One. And my first instinct was born out. It didn't get better, it got worse. I never stopped my job search.

   So, good news is your interview skills haven't gotten rusty and your resume should be in good shape. Fire that baby back up and get cracking! You deserve to work someplace that doesn't make you miserable. If you need permission to move on, you've got it!

   What would you say to a friend if they told you this story? Would you think they were stupid? Would you think they were a failure? I doubt it. Please give yourself the same grace.

   GOOD LUCK!

2. AnonymousJune 10,2023 at 4:36AM UTC

   Thank you Joan!
   I will now probably have a great weekend!

   Whenever I've heard or read about this happening to someone I just could never understand how it could happen.

   So if you're feeling the spidey sense, I am here to tell you to listen and start planning your move because not all the effort and willpower in the world is going to change it.

   I'm rejoining some of you on that job-search train. I'm going to be very very careful to listen to my gut this time.

3. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistJune 10,2023 at 5:44AM UTC

   You are very welcome! I had to laugh because I have posted more than once that when that spidey sense starts tingling, pay attention.

   Now you know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you'll be moving on to a better situation.

4. Rae WagonerJune 10,2023 at 12:57PM UTC

   Joan, your input here on FGB is invaluable. It seems that you have seen it all, and in the time I’ve been here you have talked many people through tough circumstances.

   thanks.

5. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistJune 10,2023 at 6:45PM UTC

   Awww Rae - thank you so much! That is the nicest thing anyone has said to me in a while. Certainly this week where I was attacked on another post for just pointing out some facts.

   I appreciate your comment.

6. AnonymousJune 10,2023 at 10:38PM UTC

   This OP agrees completely!

7. Alexis GladstoneJune 10,2023 at 12:20PM UTC

   It's okay to feel lost, but don't equate that be being a failure. Finding out something isn't a fit is not failure. It's a chance to learn. As much as we try, we don't always make the right decision.

   I once took a job because I was desperate to relocate. My gut was screaming at me with panic attacks before I accepted the offer, but I thought it was because I had recently lost my mother. Nope, it was the job --- manager and organization. I was able to get out of there after about a year but I hated every minute up until then. When I look back, I can see I what I gained; a few new experiences and a friend.

   My point of sharing my story is that most all of us have done this at one point in our career. We need to reframe it and not blame ourselves. It sounds like their systems and processes are not set up to help new hires onboard successfully. It's hard to feel competent in a situation like that.

   Good luck with the search. When you interview this experience will be information you can use to make different decisions.

8. AnonymousJune 11,2023 at 10:03PM UTC

   Thank you so very much Alexis. The wisdom on this board that has been shared completely turned my experience of despair to a simple straight forward reality check and really eased my mind. I appreciate the time you took to respond.

9. Alexis GladstoneJune 12,2023 at 5:10PM UTC

   So glad that you've found what people are sharing helpful. Sometimes just knowing you're not alone and hearing supportive comments does wonders. I know it does for me! Good luck.

10. AnonymousJune 11,2023 at 11:16AM UTC

    Why look at it as a failure? Sounds like a 2 party issue. Also, atleast you know what you're not ready for in your next role and to ask specific questions in the interview process. Ie, what specific programs, if not listed on the job description, do you use daily. Shake it off, this wasn't your next position.

11. Lorraine HerreraJune 11,2023 at 12:30PM UTC

    Is not failure, that company doesn’t have structure, I wouldn’t be able to function like that neither. I can’t function with that many interruptions. If the team isn’t supporting, is not your fault.

12. AnonymousJune 11,2023 at 10:05PM UTC

    I appreciate your insight Lorraine! It's so great to see things more clearly. I honestly had never experienced this weird disconnect before. I now just want out asap.

13. AnonymousJune 11,2023 at 1:21PM UTC

    Sounds like you are not being on-boarded mindfully. I’ve joined large companies where the entire team was unhelpful and worked against my success, and other large companies where everybody went out of their way to support me - recognizing that it takes time to learn a new job and helping me with the learning curve. If your company has a sink or swim culture, letting you wade in and fend for yourself, this is not an on-boarding, it’s a hazing. Wipe away your tears, consider the blank stares a lack of emotional intelligence, and look for your next role. Nobody needs to suffer negligence in the workplace and you deserve to be set up for success.

14. AnonymousJune 11,2023 at 4:36PM UTC

    I recently read that what is meant for you will feel natural, calm and clear, not forced, chaotic or confusing. I am going to choose to live by that because any time i ever went against it, I ended up a ball of anxiety like you.

15. AnonymousJune 11,2023 at 9:55PM UTC

    Very great advice. In my past, your words have rang true. The comfort and knowledge that I was in the right place was what I have always felt. This one was weird from that fist week. I kept telling myself it was me. I was just not "getting it". But the further in I got and more I questioned why on earth they hired me. They pitched something that sounded much different, at least to me and to my questions.

    I hate this feeling, but what has been feeling like a failure is now, thanks to Joan and others, feels like a mismatch and not my fault.

16. AnonymousJune 11,2023 at 4:40PM UTC

    The bigger the company the more the nonsense. You haven't failed you just learned what doesn't work for you. Make a list of the things that aren't working there and when interviewing elsewhere ask the questions about their processes so that you can decide if the alignment is there for the next move. Don't beat yourself up about it not all marriages work, often the short ones help you do better next time.

17. AnonymousJune 11,2023 at 9:58PM UTC

    Thank you! So very appreciated!

18. BeaBoss750792June 11,2023 at 4:45PM UTC

    If you don’t already have a formal onboarding plan, definitely ask for one. Your manager should have a list mapped out of trainings that you should be taking, people that you should be introducing yourself to, etc. Ideally, this should be mapped out for “Week 1” “Month 1”, “First 90 days”.

    Has your manager spelled out any short or long-term goals for your position? Do you have an initial project to work on, or was this a case where you started and “Priorities changed, and we’re not really sure what you’re going to work on yet”. (Been there, it sucks.) It doesn’t sound like your manager or team has much skill at onboarding new employees.

    Although, you’ve already started to look elsewhere, in the interim, I’d go back to your manager and ask for a more formal onboarding plan and some guidance to help set you up for success. Don’t rule out an internal move if you’re still there when you’re eligible for those, too. Large company culture can vary a lot by team, and you’ve already got your foot in the door there.

19. AnonymousJune 11,2023 at 4:46PM UTC

    Been there. I was hired into a role by a director that had just been promoted, but couldn't let go of the program. The problem was compounded by the fact that she had hired on two of her besties as direct reports on the program I was (supposed to be) taking over from her. My boss wouldn't relinquish control of resources, and instead had her friends continue to report to her. Within two weeks of being on I was being undercut and sabotaged from both sides - my supervisor was sabotaging my work and not providing key information (or even success criteria when she gave me tasks) and her friends circumvented me at every turn so I was kept in the dark about what was going on with my own program. Then my boss would berate me in front of my team (and/or the client) for not knowing what was happening on my own program. She would imply that I didn't have experience in areas that I had more experience in than she did. Fortunately, I left soon after and I'm a lot happier. As to my boss and her besties? Last I heard they had cost the startup upwards of $12M due to not delivering the program to the client, which resulted in the customer suing them, and massive layoffs within the company. The funny thing? That boss and her besties were allowed to keep their jobs because they scapegoated my replacement and fired him for "performance issues."

    My advice is to find another gig ASAP and get out of there before they completely destroy your self-esteem.

20. AnonymousJune 11,2023 at 9:48PM UTC

    Thank you for sharing your nightmare. It does help to know I'm not alone. I truly appreciate it. I have fired up my resume again (not including this adventure of course)

    I'm feeling so much better from the honest sharing here. I actually had a great weekend because of it.

    I will spend my spare time focusing on finding a better fit.

21. AnonymousJune 11,2023 at 4:51PM UTC

    Why not retire ? You earned it !! I am only 50 and I can’t wait. The past few years has been back to back toxic work environments. Sending hugs

22. AnonymousJune 11,2023 at 7:55PM UTC

    Not everyone has the financial means to retire when they’d like…

23. AnonymousJune 12,2023 at 12:05PM UTC

    Exactly

24. AnonymousJune 11,2023 at 9:40PM UTC

    I have always enjoyed working and have truly loved my various jobs and kept my career advancing until now. I have only ever moved from job to job due to advancement to better offers or a layoff due to a company experiencing a serious downturn or being sold off

    After reading the responses, I think this one comes down to an awful fit and something that only worked on paper. They really need someone very different in terms of skill and experience. I don't want to retire due to a poor choice of fit.

25. AnonymousJune 12,2023 at 2:32AM UTC

    Ha! I'd love to retire. But there's the matter of a) health insurance, and b) my addiction to food.....

26. AnonymousJune 12,2023 at 2:45AM UTC

    I am day dreaming unless I win the lotto or find me a sugar daddy ;).

27. Teena JonesJune 11,2023 at 8:39PM UTC

    Sad to say this is in Government and large fortune 500 companies. Many companies are investing in training and development however many departments still rely on team members side by sides and quick power point lessons. Take as many notes as you can. Seek support from a seasoned team member and do some research. Most of all know you are not alone. Be willing to make suggestions and ask questions when the procedures don't make sense point that factor out. Remember you are new so your objectivity is a major plus. All procedures should be written so anyone can walk in and complete the task. If there is a gap in the steps they are probably not aware of it because they are used to the process and know the steps without the procedures. Now is a time for the training to be revisited and you can step up and show some initiative. But it may not be accepted at first, don't be offended. You were hired for a reason. And pointing out gaps in training will show you are thinking about being a team member and doing the job to the best of your ability with the proper tools. Good luck

28. AnonymousJune 12,2023 at 2:31AM UTC

    I totally understand, I came from a Startup atmosphere - for the last twenty years - and jumped to a "mature" organization. The bureaucracy drives me NUTS! It's impossible to get anything done or get someone to make a decision. At my last company I could approve purchases as needed (anything over say, $5K I'd have a chat with the CEO beforehand), here I had Finance chastise me for not getting approval to replace a laptop power cord ($35) without approval!!!! <eye roll>. It drives me absolutely crazy. So I totally feel for you - there's no shame it re-engaging your job search. If it's not a fit, it's just not! Good luck to you.

29. AnonymousJune 12,2023 at 12:04PM UTC

    Thank you! I'm learning how common this situation is.

30. AnonymousJune 12,2023 at 3:42AM UTC

    I’m sorry you have to experience this. I went through something similar and made my exit after 6 weeks. My health and sanity had to take precedence over the toxic work environment. Yours should as well. Best of luck to you.

31. AnonymousJune 12,2023 at 12:02PM UTC

    Awesome reassurance! Thank you for the strength to do what is needed to get where i belong. It's good to know other people are showing the rest of us the way forward.

32. AnonymousJune 12,2023 at 5:08AM UTC

    Your story is my story, right up to this very moment. I'm so very sorry that you're having this terrible experience, but I'm so grateful that you shared, because I was feeling very much on my own island of misery. Thank you to those who offered advice and perspective. My resignation letter is in hand, and tomorrow morning I begin to regain control of my life. Moving forward with insight, lessons learned, and a list of questions to ask the next hiring manager. Thank you for giving me the impetus to accept the fact that I don't have to be swallowed alive by the chaos that is my gigantic corporation.

33. AnonymousJune 12,2023 at 11:57AM UTC

    There is strength and comfort in numbers for sure. The knowing you're not crazy and not a failure is enormously reassuring for sure.

    I am right beside you and hope we both find a great fit soon.

34. Crystal HowellJune 12,2023 at 10:38AM UTC

    Sorry this is happening, some companies just have their way and worked so many years in tunnel vision because they do not know anything else. They don't want to hear about how to be more efficient, Cheers to you for searching for another position.. When asked, just say I'm looking to pursue other business interests, as you don't know who the recruiter knows or related too. I had that happen in my younger days, the recruiter was married to my previous boss, she went by her maiden name, Yikes!! LOL

35. AnonymousJune 12,2023 at 2:59PM UTC

    Thank you

36. AnnieJune 12,2023 at 12:51PM UTC

    I just left a company for similar reasons. Every new hire it was sink or swim, with limited training and guidance. I was one of the people who made it, but always went out of my way to try and help new hires just because I knew how hard it could be. It made me feel awful when they would tell me how they were struggling, etc.

    Please don’t be hard on yourself about your situation not being the right fit. It happens and I have a ton of respect for you knowing that, and realizing you need to make a change. I know it’s uncomfortable and disappointing, but you’ll find something more in line with what you’re looking for. Wishing you lots of luck!

37. AnonymousJune 12,2023 at 3:00PM UTC

    Thank you!

38. Kate WadeJune 12,2023 at 1:03PM UTC

    You are not a bad person, it's just a bad fit.

39. AnonymousJune 12,2023 at 3:00PM UTC

    :-)

40. Betty Jo Roller LesonskyJune 12,2023 at 1:45PM UTC

    The same just recently happened to me. Two weeks in my boss was trying to get me to quit. I was leading 2 teams of Compensation and Benefits staff in a hospital with 5500 employees and a turnover rate of 12%. I lasted 11 months. It was the most stressful position in my professional career. I did not fit with their "culture", was working 6 days a week just trying to stay afloat and dealing with executives who flatly refused to allow change, although it was desperately needed.

    You did not fail--they did. When an employer goes to the trouble of multiple rounds of interviews and tells you how much they want you only to drop you into a situation that you could neither control or correct.

    Do yourself a favor and get out as soon as possible. Your mental and emotional health will thank you.

41. AnonymousJune 14,2023 at 1:21PM UTC

    been there done that at tanking hospital system....saw so many good people get blacklisted, blamed...glad you're out o there.

42. Carol NobleJune 12,2023 at 4:01PM UTC

    Good for you for recognizing immediately that this is not a good fit. I am a person who ‘won’t give up’. All that has done for me is delaying the inevitable, crying on the way home from work every day, your job and you are incompatible.

    Get your resume out there, network with friends and family, even quit and nanny, clean houses, work in food service to give yourself a break and time to reevaluate what you need.

    when this happened to me, I quit and went back to college. Best thing I ever did. I didn’t even make it home before I cried. I cried every day in the bathroom.

43. Julie EJune 12,2023 at 4:04PM UTC

    I am sorry you’re going through that. There’s nothing worse than starting a new job with no training. I’ve been there and it didn’t get better. Since then I ask in interviews what they want me to accomplish in the first 3 months to get an idea of their expectations and if there be any training. Sometimes it’s just not a good fit.

44. AnonymousJune 14,2023 at 1:19PM UTC

    i had a similar role at a struggling hospital system and - don't ask me how- I hung on over three years.... it was horrible starting DAY ONE, my orientation consisted o going to HR and getting a photo and name badge...waited three months or a laptop - which was quite necessary to do my role, so wonder how I did it? OMG......look, it doesn't get better. Poor leadership is poor. I waited as did others on that "miracle" and it never happened. place went bankrupt. Big places go bankrupt too...underneath the shell o "success"

45. AnonymousJune 12,2023 at 8:34PM UTC

    I honestly seriously believe a lot of companies have so many layers of fat , so many meetings, so many unnecessary processes and hoops in order to ensure everyone stays employed - and for no other reason. I’ve worked in companies like that — you’re lucky to get a days work done in a week. I too came from start ups where things happen fast and for a reason I hated the move to a big company and couldn’t wait to get out.

46. sommerJune 12,2023 at 9:18PM UTC

    Firstly you haven’t failed they have failed you. You haven’t been given the right training and support to perform your role. This must be such a hard task to face each day but you are right so roles just aren’t meant to be. The fact that your colleagues have been with the company for years it sounds as though they have lost the empathy of what it feels like to new as believe me everyone has to start somewhere and I’m sure they didn’t walk into their roles knowing it all. A fresh start is what is needed here but when going into a new role be sure to ask about their support and development and what it entails. I hope you find something else quickly but while you’re waiting try to just enjoy the parts of of the role you enjoy so not to put too much pressure on finding something else.

47. AnonymousJune 13,2023 at 2:00AM UTC

    I'm so sorry. Been there. It's totally not your fault and you're certainly not a failure. Hugs.

48. AnonymousJune 14,2023 at 1:16PM UTC

    I am probably in your age group but this is NOT an age thing..it's a horrible, depersonalized corporate atmosphere where employees are expected to paw their way thru- no help, no guidance, no orientation. We see this in customer service everywhere we go-- computer generated "everything", phone trees, etc etc...and yes, some places - many places- in corporate America treat employees the same. Screens and "online training" do not cut it. Yes, it's not a good place ...no matter one's age. Stop the negative talk about YOU.... keep quiet and look around at other positions. ITS NOT YOU.