Why can't my boss 'boss'?

Question

I really love that my boss is collaborative, but sometimes the lines blur and I have to remind myself she's supposed to be above me. She always asks me for feedback, asks me to help her on projects, and has me brainstorm new ideas together. It sounds great--and it is--but I'm also doing the same work as her even though she's my superior (and getting paid much more!). How can I fix this but maintain our strong relationship?

Anonymous · Answer

She actually sounds like a pretty good boss to me! She's giving you an opportunity to grow and sees you as someone who can contribute vs. being an order taker. A good boss knows how to bring out the best in her team. As long as she gives you credit when she presents your collaborative work to leaders, I would see this as a blessing and not an irritation. She's being paid more to lead, and leading means leaning on the strengths of her team. You'll be able to progress in your career because of these opportunities.

Ruth A. Ford, PHR · Answer

Am I the only one who thinks this sounds exhausting? Don't get me wrong - collaboration is awesome and important. But what you've described sounds like a lot - especially when you consider she is the leader and not a peer. It definitely sounds like the line between collaborative and you carrying her is a bit blurry.

Anonymous · Answer

Your boss may be grooming you with the skills you need for a promotion. My boss did something similar and I’ve since been promoted twice, earning $25K more than when I first started 4 years ago.

Laura Ann Klein · Answer

I agree she is grooming you and leading from a transparent place of collaboration and trust.  When I was in your position last year, I was being groomed for a higher level job.  It sounds like you have a great relationship with her and I imagine she is ego secure enough you could ask her about opportunities at her level: 'Because you trust me with these projects, do you think I'm ready to move up?'

Anonymous · Answer

I think it's a good thing because it sounds like your boss really trusts and values your work and perspectives. I would suggest having a conversation with her about your future potential and growth at the organization.

Katie Malone · Answer

So many great comments. As a boss who has a more collaborative approach, I agree... She is likely grooming you and trusts your opinion and expertise. I manage a team and actually can't always keep up with everything they're all doing -- so I have to rely on their expertise in certain instances. I will also say, she is your buffer. So she's likely dealing with her superiors and leaders and managing their expectations and not looping you in because at the end of the day, that's what she is paid to do. ;-)

Jennifer Haje · Answer

I think the lines are definitely blurred.  I think you may have to be assertive and take the approach of reminding her that  you will take care of the work and keep your her in the loop and ask her for feedback when the the tasks are completed.

TK · Answer

i agree with the previous posters, your boss may be setting you up to succeed in a higher position. taking on more responsibility isn't a bad thing, unless you aren't getting the acknowledgement from your boss via praise, career path intent or compensation. I myself have given my employees work that i traditionally did, so that i could focus on other priorities. but i'm also transparent in why i'm handing this off to them and let them know if they're doing well it'll reflect in their reviews for bonuses and give them more career opportunities when available. also i HATE having a boss who 'bosses' me, i want someone to collaborate with and who respects me for my ability to contribute. your boss should give you projects with direction, but if i were you, i'd be happy to not have a micro-manager who 'bosses' me :)

Clydene Horrigan · Answer

I was going to reply in a similar manner as the two ladies above. I have often taken in things “above my pay grade” as a means of learning and preparing for the next step in my career.  When they are ready to promote then it will be a natural decision because you’ve already shown you can do key parts of the job. People who work hard but stay within the confines of their job description often get overlooked for promotions. It’s likely because  the boss “sees them” in that role.

Ponni Iyer · Answer

Collaborative bosses are quite rare to come by.
As long as you experience job satisfaction and get recognized for your work,  it's all fine 
If not ,then tactfully set your boundaries.

Why can't my boss "boss"?

You're invited.

See what women are sharing on Fairygodboss.