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The Continuing War of Relatable Positivity vs. Authority
I have always been a “glass-half full” kind of employee. I approach Troubleshooting as a challenge that I can’t wat to figure out. I’ve been known as the cheerleader in a group setting because I do everything possible to lift everyone spirits up before approaching an issue in the most unbiased free-minded way to arrive at objective and simple solutions as quick as possible.
Most would categorize me as an asset to their team, a good leader. However, working in a Medical device company as an engineer (STEM career) with my type of personality has ALWAYS been challenging for me. I get targeted for bullying quite often: “You are too talkative to be in science,” “You are not like or look like many engineers,” “You don’t have the personality to be a PhD,” “You are such a feisty soul,” “I don’t think you are promotion material because you are doing such a great job at your current position. Thank you for being so positive and understanding,” and many countless others.
Let me tell you: I have a thick skin and every time I face these comments in some way or another, I ask that person what they mean and ask my colleagues too what they think it means. My male colleagues have repeatedly said something that I just can’t get over:
“You are too positive and so relatable that sometimes you need to command authority by being more serious, aggressive and by using complex words to express yourself, “
or some variation of this sentence.
So, I decided to ask you… IS THIS TRUE?
I’m a firm believer that Positivity DOES NOT KILL your Authority. Positivity and Authority are not mutually exclusive of own another; in fact, being a positive leader is an asset. Being a Positive leader brings the team moral up and establishes a connection among teammates that encourages them to work together and support each other.
Another person that has been targeted like this because of his personality is my dad. So… it could be discriminatory, or it could be something else entirely.
What are your thoughts as amazing, strong, and empowered women in the workforce? I’m dying to know. ?
Louise TroccoliProgram Manager supporting Emerging Technology
20
10/27/20 at 3:59PM UTC
Oh wow, it's like reading my career story! YOU my friend are nothing but amazing and wonderful and exactly how you need to be. Never change because of the negative comments or unwanted bad feedback - look for the right person to mentor you and you will find the way.
While we should all hope the world will change at some point to recognize character and humanity as strengths, you may need to find a better place to do your good work right now.
Keep doing exactly what you are doing and look for that place where you can be yourself. I did it after many years, and I didn't have to leave my company - I found it in another division with a great leader, so you can too!
Jackie GhedineCoach for Gen X Women | Jack Russell of Humans
5.69k
10/27/20 at 11:56AM UTC
It is hard enough to be a woman in the workforce.
It is ten times harder to be a woman in the workforce in a male dominated industry (STEM).
You are breaking the mold, owning who you are and showing the men that have dominated the industry that there is a different (and often times better) way to do business and that's ok.
As you grow in your career, your positivity will be a tremendous asset as a leader. Your employees will be inspired by you, see that you take on problems as challenges and find the light in darkness. People want to follow the light. People lean towards the light.
Those who accomplished greatness (inventors, entrepreneurs, etc) didn't follow the mold. They weren't thinking and doing as everyone else does and instead, found their own path and often times had to carve it out of nothing.
There will always be judgment — its human nature, especially when someone looks or acts differently. Don't let their judgment be a reflection of you and instead a reflection of them!
Be who you are, own it and project your continued growth and how you'll look back one day and laugh at those that thought it had to be done the same way.
Diana Morales-HernandezEngineer with a Femme STEM Advocate Twist
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10/27/20 at 1:54PM UTC
Jackie, your comment is so inspiring! Thank you so much for giving me a push to go forward. I admire women leaders who propel to greatness by inspiring their employees to act and lead by example .Hope I can be one of them in STEM one day soon. Thank you, Jackie. <3
Jackie GhedineCoach for Gen X Women | Jack Russell of Humans
5.69k
10/28/20 at 1:52PM UTC
I'm so happy Diana! You are already one of them! Keep paving the way, it isn't easy but it is absolutely worth it!
Natalie RoeslerHigh Performance Executive
52
10/27/20 at 3:32AM UTC
Hello from a fellow STEM career woman! I’m also a big advocate for having positive assumptions about people. Thank you for sharing your situation. One thing I would try is to get more clarity around the feedback you have received. Have a vital conversation with a couple of the people who have given you the feedback. Discuss a specific situation (not that you are too positive in general) and then ask them what they would have done differently if they were in your shoes. Based on their responses either you will have an ah-ha moment or you will have the clarity to know the culture goes against your personal values. You should not have to change your values to be successful in the workplace.
I recently started a blog at www.pineapplecourage.com. There is a blog about the basic framework to having vital conversations that might be helpful to preparing for these discussions. Best of luck and I’ll be thinking of you!
Diana Morales-HernandezEngineer with a Femme STEM Advocate Twist
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10/27/20 at 1:50PM UTC
It is so great to meet a fellow STEM Femme! Love your advice. Thank you so much. It looks like the usual comment people use has a lot of "layers" that will take some time to unpack. But making sure I get the clarity I need to address the skills that I can improve will give me a leg up. I will read the article you suggested. Thank you. :)
Jakki SmithVP Brand, Creative & Content Marketing
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10/26/20 at 9:18PM UTC
Continue being a positive force in your organization! I think that gathering 360 feedback can sometimes be a way to help uncover where our positive or uplifting actions may be misinterpreted (or most appreciated). For example, I am similar to you in that I am seen as the cheerleader, the one who can find a way to "yes," the one who values empowering others rather than having to "own the room." It was interesting to hear that my team, peers and clients gave me incredible marks for talent development, strategic leadership, collaboration and clearly communicating objectives and expectations. What was also an interesting twist is that some of my peers and clients also noted how I always had my team's back and empowered them but wondered if I was "protecting" them too much, i.e. could I make tough staffing decisions. I didn't change who I was or anything significant about my approach, but understanding the underlying thought helped me become aware of my blind spot. You cannot become someone you are not, but you can use this as an asset - you bring together the best of the highly analytical science side of the role with the humanity and people skills needed to build successful teams and forge complex relationships - make it your superpower rather than something they can ding you on!
Diana Morales-HernandezEngineer with a Femme STEM Advocate Twist
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10/27/20 at 1:41PM UTC
Hello, Jakki. Thank you so much for your input. I loved that your colleagues took the time to evaluate your strengths and just let you know in a more detailed way what they perceived of your leadership style. Can I ask... How did you get this feedback? Was on your annual performance review? Another standard evaluation?
Jakki SmithVP Brand, Creative & Content Marketing
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10/27/20 at 3:02PM UTC
In that instance it was part of a leadership class where the first task was gathering 360 feedback. The respondents were "forced" to rank your top 3 and strengths and opportunities. This helped because in annual feedback (which was not anonymous) people would often say the generic "you are doing a great job I don't have any recommendations at this time" rather than give constructive notes. However, I have also created my own feedback surveys in the past, even just using tools like Survey Monkey, which I have sent out to my team to gather feedback anonymously. I usually include things beyond my leadership style such as their favorite things about the team and what they would change if they had a magic wand. Even with peers and clients I will do my own annual survey to gather how they "score" the work we do, and to help look for areas we, as a team, can strengthen and improve. The anonymous format allows folks to be candid. It helps when working on org plans and talent development. It also helps to see trends over time. Consistent feedback helps ensure initiatives you have implemented are doing what you had hoped and helps you better exploit your strengths and be aware of blind spots. Hope that helps!
Diana Morales-HernandezEngineer with a Femme STEM Advocate Twist
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10/27/20 at 3:48PM UTC
This is perfect! I really like this idea! Thank you so much for this suggestion.
Anonymous
10/26/20 at 6:33PM UTC
I think you would be awesome to work with. I have a boss who is exactly the opposite. (uses big words to make himself look important, points out flaws or perceived mistakes, takes credit or gives it to someone else, manager) Finding a supervisor or management who is uplifting and inspiring would be a dream come true for many of us.
Diana Morales-HernandezEngineer with a Femme STEM Advocate Twist
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10/27/20 at 1:36PM UTC
Thank you so much! Being positive is one of my strengths and I appreciate this sentiment a lot. Thank you. :)
Nora KasedManufacturer in San Diego
147
10/26/20 at 5:49PM UTC
I can absolutely relate to this kind of treatment in the workplace. If you are a woman with positive disposition, good people skills, and are very competent in your position, these types of comments are absolutely unacceptable. Do not take them personally. You should not feel the need to change your personality unless you are somehow disrupting productivity in your workplace or lack self awareness. Ask more questions when you hear these comments. Who are the people giving you this feedback? What’s their agenda?
Some people just stand out in a way that makes other people uncomfortable for some inexplicable reason. Standing out isn’t an invitation to criticism.
Diana Morales-HernandezEngineer with a Femme STEM Advocate Twist
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10/27/20 at 1:34PM UTC
Hello, Nora. Thank you for the feedback. Usually they are male colleagues who have supervisor/managerial roles. I could ask them further on what they mean when they say that. Thanks for the support. :)
User deleted comment on 10/26/20 at 4:14PM UTC
Mary BrodieI help companies build customer relationships
241
10/26/20 at 3:33PM UTC
It's what you think it is. Being positive is a good thing. Being relatable is AWESOME! You may be working in the wrong culture for you. But you are lovely and amazing! Awesome you are working in such a challenging environment, staying positive. Rock on!
Diana Morales-HernandezEngineer with a Femme STEM Advocate Twist
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10/26/20 at 4:14PM UTC
Thank you so much, Mary for your support. :) I've always wanted to get input on this since it has been an issue throughout my entire career. Not sure why....
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