What do I do?

Question

A former coworker recently commented on a (totally unrelated) social media post of mine with some really awful comments about a very NSFW action that he said I'd been caught on camera doing in the workplace back when he worked with me. He implied that my previous bosses knew about it & swept it under the rug to save my job. I don't know what he's referring to & I definitely wasn't disciplined for - or recall doing - what he said, but these rumors were posted for all of my friends, including many people I work with, my current boss, & my entire family, to see overnight. I hid the post, but other than that I don't know what to do. I haven't been able to talk to my boss since the comments were posted, but do I bring it up to him? Should I talk to HR? I feel like this was character defamation, & I'm worried that it might lead to people trashing me behind my back at work (if they weren't already, although from his comments, & comments made by other coworkers in the past, I get the impression that some of my coworkers have been gossiping about this for a long time).

Mandy Trouten · Answer

First, print-screen the comments and save them to your computer. Then, absolutely talk to your boss/HR about it. Be sure to attach those print-screens when you email them. If you're talking to them in-person, you can print them out or show them to them otherwise.

In the meantime, I would at least unfriend him and change your privacy settings so that he can't comment on your posts. I could go either way on blocking him. I have blocked people; but, I've also left individuals unblocked so that I could still see their posts for a while and, thus, see whether or not they posted anything else publicly about me. It's basically a question of how YOU want to proceed with things. If you plan on keeping an eye on his posts, don't block him. If not, block him.

Likewise, how you handle your coworkers can go either way. Under the circumstances, I would probably opt not to say anything about it on social media, unless someone approaches me about it. Meanwhile, work is work and business is business. If this continues or crosses over into your ability to do your job to the best of your ability, that is when it becomes more critical to address it head-on b/c, then, it's not just gossip that someone may or may not participate in, regardless of truth or outcome. It's then a separate action that is hindering your ability to do your job--something many workplaces are also less likely to tolerate b/c it undermines the workplace itself.

Akeba Rice · Answer

Hey, I’m hoping you find time to be still to get your thoughts together. I would block him on all social media accounts. As an FYI: I personally wouldn’t friend any co-workers or employers, but that just me. Get ahead of it before your boss gets to you, be proactive rather than reactive.  And for the gossipers, they are gonna gossip. Worry about being happy and healthy for you and don’t forget to drink enough water! Hope this helps a bit. You got this!

Laura McCann · Answer

Please go and talk to your boss as soon as possible.  You will feel better and you will have an advocate to help you through this!

Jackie Ghedine · Answer

I'm sorry you had to do go through this, how awful.

I couldn't agree more. Block him from social and have a direct conversation with your boss so you're nipping it in the bud. Unfortunately, you can't control people or situations, just how you respond to it.  Do so professionally with your boss, and separate yourself from the situation.  He's the one with the issues, not you, so no need to get on the defensive at all, you did nothing wrong.

Karen Price · Answer

I agree with Akeba, block him on everything and go ahead and talk to your boss sooner rather than later.  Additionally instead of hiding that post I would delete it in its entirety.

I know it is upsetting, you will get through it.  I am sorry that some people act in such an inappropriate manner with their use of social media.

Stay strong!

What do I do?

You're invited.

See what women are sharing on Fairygodboss.