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My friend’s husband doesn’t tell her how much he earns (and why she’s never asked)
How do you and your partner talk about money? My husband and I are very open about our salaries and our finances, so I was surprised to hear that one of my good friends doesn't know how much her husband earns. She says they've never had an issue — she's a stay at home mom and he always covers their finances, so she's never felt like prying.
Would love to hear what works best for you and your partner when it comes to discussing finances. Do you think everything should be discussed, or would you rather keep some things private? How do you split living costs?
Anonymous
10/02/20 at 5:09PM UTC
Even though I advocate separate finances, that doesn't mean you should not be aware of the your spouse's income. How would you know if you are spending too much or if you can afford this new thing or that home repair or if one bad month is going to leave you homeless? This is just not a good situation.
Your friend, and other SAHM, do unpaid labor that society mostly doesn't value. She doesn't value her own contributions either, which is clear by her attitude of thinking she can't "pry" into her own marital finances.
User deleted comment on 10/02/20 at 5:09PM UTC
Amy Bucciferro
Consulting is my profession, equality my passion
167
09/30/20 at 12:44PM UTC
Your friend is putting herself in an unsafe situation. It’s not the number that matters so much is the transparency and ability to cooperate as a family. She is in great risk of losing her security should he lose his, or she lose him in one way or another.
Elizabeth Marie Scientist and M.B.A. Candidate
189
09/29/20 at 11:52PM UTC
This is definitely not the norm. If you’re married his money is just as much yours. What if he had a terrible accident? Also, budgeting and saving for the family—kids, college! I’m not sure how this would be missed on a joint bank account either ?
Angie McCollumTransforming Your Life One Wise Step at a Time
44
09/25/20 at 3:20PM UTC
As a financial coach, I strongly recommend she get involved with the household finances! She needs to understand their entire financial situation so that she can be prepared if anything happens to him.
Catherine MohanInternal Tools & Integrations Developer
176
09/24/20 at 5:20PM UTC
My parents were always open with each other about the finances and my partner knows what I make (he's unemployed at the moment). With couples that don't talk about finances together, especially ones with only one income earner, I worry that if, heaven forbid, something happens to that income earner, the other partner won't have any knowledge of their finances. That can add a lot of stress on top of an already extremely stressful situation.
Anonymous
09/23/20 at 6:57PM UTC
Believe that it’s important information to benefit each other. Joint accounts and joint mortgage. Keeping things separate and not discussed aren’t what togetherness is. My opinion only based on my experience.
Susan Randall
28
09/23/20 at 6:23PM UTC
My husband and I are open about finances and I always knew what his salary was. Your friend should have a very frank discussion with her husband about finances. She needs to be aware of not only his salary but also where he keeps the financial information. If he were to suddenly die she'd be totally lost.
Chanda Pulliam
18
09/23/20 at 5:38PM UTC
My husband and I are intimately aware of each other's income. We work together on our finances, our savings, etc. Our goal is to get to a point where we don't have to remember how much we earn!
Melissa NobileHandbell Choir Director
1.05k
09/23/20 at 4:59PM UTC
I am a SAHM. We always joke that my husband is the income producer and I am the income reducer. We have been married a very long time and have always been open and honest about everything - especially finances.
I handle all of the household finances. I know what comes in and what goes out. At tax time, we go through everything together to make sure we haven’t missed anything. We also have to fill out a financial disclosure for his work once a year and we do that together as well.
Marriage is a partnership and your friend saying she doesn’t want to pry is crazy! She is setting herself up for big issues later on. Things happen. Your friend needs to know what comes in, where all the paperwork is, what the bills are, where the investments are, and generally how to run the household. If her husband has a heart attack, or gets hit by the pie truck, she is going to be completely lost. I’ve seen it happen more than once.
And, if heaven forbid, their relationship goes south, she is going to end up with nothing because she doesn’t have a clue as to what is happening financially. She needs to get involved and she needs to do it now.
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