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Jackie Ghedine
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5.74k
Coach for Gen X Women | Jack Russell of Humans
07/22/20 at 2:24PM UTC
in
Career

Just say "Thank You"

Jackie, your hair looks pretty today. You did an outstanding job on that report. I really thought your ideas were incredible in that meeting. When you hear compliments, what do you do or say? You're probably thinking, "I say thank you," but do you really? According to research, women only accept compliments 40% of the time. What the what? Instead of a simple, "thank you" women will deflect with over explaining, self deprecation or a simple 'oh, stop it.' Women are so uncomfortable with being judged as egotistically or cocky, especially by other women, that they tend to do all they can to deflect a compliment as if you were Wonder Woman deflecting bullets. There is an art to accepting a compliment and saying, "thank you." Challenge yourself to practice it. It's s beautiful gift you can give yourself. How do you respond to a compliment?

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Adrianne Sanogo
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16
GIA Graduate Gemologist
07/30/20 at 8:45PM UTC
A simple Thank you with a smile is all that is needed. Do not say another word. It's more than OK.
Julia
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376
Just a girl trying to find her purpose in life!
07/30/20 at 5:26PM UTC
This is so accurate! I love this thread. I sometimes find myself saying "no way!" or "oh stop it!" when someone compliments me or my work. I've been getting better though, I think. When I build more confidence in a certain area, accepting compliments becomes a lot easier because I believe them. If I don't feel as confident in myself (which is pretty often) and someone compliments me, I don't easily accept because I don't think it's actually true. Hopefully that makes sense!
Jackie Ghedine
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5.74k
Coach for Gen X Women | Jack Russell of Humans
07/31/20 at 10:27AM UTC
That absolutely makes sense Julia. I coach on this and I STILL find it hard to take a compliment. When I receive one, I have to consciously hold it and then really think before responding because my autopilot is set to deflect or minimize. Mine is because I don't love attention and I work hard to separate the two
Laura McCann
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325
Driving results through people engagement
07/29/20 at 3PM UTC
Thank you!! that is the best response!
Jelle Jasmin Manuel
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59
07/29/20 at 2:10AM UTC
Some people's impression to someone who says "thank you" after a compliment is that the person is (negative) proud. So the one given the compliment tend to qualify or self-deprecate or immediately try to respond with a compliment also. We should learn to just say, "thank you" as the person who gave the compliment will appreciate it more, especially since more often than not compliments are meant anyway.
Julia
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376
Just a girl trying to find her purpose in life!
07/30/20 at 5:27PM UTC
This is so true! Saying thank you may lead people to think they are full of themselves or conceited for accepting the fact that they are doing well at this or that. Such a good point!
Jackie Ghedine
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5.74k
Coach for Gen X Women | Jack Russell of Humans
07/31/20 at 10:25AM UTC
and yet no one thinks that on the other end, a genuine thank you, not a smug one, can warm the room both ways.
Marjorie Lau
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23
Multi-Talented Philadelphian & New Yorker
07/28/20 at 11:20PM UTC
Absolutely. Graciously accept the compliment and express how important the feedback means to you. And, look into their eyes - no casting shy glances at the floor!
Jackie Ghedine
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5.74k
Coach for Gen X Women | Jack Russell of Humans
07/31/20 at 10:24AM UTC
This eye contact awareness is spot on, we tend to not only cringe with the compliment but also bring our gaze down. Shoulders back, chin up, and lock eyes.
Jessica K.
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500
Marketer. Powered by sports, wine & fashion.
07/23/20 at 5:54PM UTC
Couldn't agree more, Jackie! I find myself doing this way too often and have just decided to say "thank you." Recently, someone at Target complimented me and honestly it made my day. It's truly the little things and go a long way in brightening someone's day, especially during these times.
Julia
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376
Just a girl trying to find her purpose in life!
07/30/20 at 5:29PM UTC
It makes my day hearing just a small compliment too! It makes such a difference. I try to remember that feeling and compliment more people so they can feel that too :)
Jackie Ghedine
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5.74k
Coach for Gen X Women | Jack Russell of Humans
07/23/20 at 5:57PM UTC
That is absolutely true, Jessica. Research shows the incredible bump in happiness people feel when they smile at someone or are smiled out.
Nikki Powers
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544
Practice reckless kindness and optimism.
07/23/20 at 4:14PM UTC
I'm totally part of the "over explaining" crowd. "Love your skirt!" "Thanks, it has pockets and I got it on sale from Torrid and...and...and..." I should also remark that I'm fairly awkward at times.
Jackie Ghedine
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5.74k
Coach for Gen X Women | Jack Russell of Humans
07/23/20 at 5:41PM UTC
How beautiful a gift if we could just say 'thank you'
Crystal Rhineberger
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2.29k
professional rofl nevermind lets just wing it
07/23/20 at 12:01AM UTC
Im a definite deflector!
Jackie Ghedine
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5.74k
Coach for Gen X Women | Jack Russell of Humans
07/23/20 at 10:59AM UTC
Crystal, try to practice the art of just saying thank you. There's actually an energy benefit that also goes with this and it can boost happiness too!
Jessica Rutherford
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240
Tech Service Scientist
07/22/20 at 9:49PM UTC
As women, I think that we deflect in all parts of our lives. Even when my husband compliments me, I feel uncomfortable accepting the compliment and then I am hurt when he doesn't say enough nice things! We all deserve to treat ourselves better.
Jackie Ghedine
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5.74k
Coach for Gen X Women | Jack Russell of Humans
07/23/20 at 11:01AM UTC
We absolutely do deserve to treat ourselves better. I'm not sure why we do this, I think it' the idea that we were taught modesty at a young age. We need to let go of the idea that its arrogant to say thank you and to know you look good or have done a great job. We are rockstars!
Barb Hansen
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6.66k
Startup Product, Growth & Strategy
07/22/20 at 3:54PM UTC
I mentor my direct reports on this very thing . Just say "Thank you", there is no need for qualifiers or explanations or self-deprecating comments.

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