I am just so grateful for a space like this.

Anonymous

May 15,2022 at 2:57PM UTC

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I am just so grateful for a space like this. I am a remote independent contractor and the culture within my largest client has become toxic. I have worked for more than a year for an educational startup where one of the co-founders has recently become more present. For months I have been fielding blame, pessimism, derailed team meetings with 10-to-20-minute rants, cutting people off while speaking and yelling at team members in front of each other. This is a family business, so we are often fielding personal issues that look like they require counseling.

I have finally accepted that I need to move on for my mental, emotional and spiritual health as I no longer feel productive, and I am dreading one on one calls and team meetings. I felt such a lightness in my heart when I made that choice. The other co-founder is a long-time mentor and friend but does nothing when this type of behavior happens to them, myself or other team members (probably because this is a relative).

In terms of moving on I was concerned about gaps on my resume and lack of references. I would have like to have a Forget You fund in place but am not sure if I will have time due to a recent incident.

I recently cried in front of a few coworkers after being blamed for the mistake of a co-founder's family member. I am concerned about being questioned and confronted by my manager or other team members. Just the calls and texts are giving me anxiety. No matter how well meaning these may be I just don't trust anyone and fear an interrogation.

Just looking for guidance on how to best maneuver my exit while re-building my self esteem. My poor family has had to deal with the toxic / stress overflow and would probably support the move despite the financial uncertainty.

Thank you

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AnonymousMay 15,2022 at 3:23PM UTC
It’s good that you acknowledge the environment for what it is.
Right now self healing and self preservation is Important. Step up putting in for many bids aggressively not casually to get out of there. Make sure your resume speaks directly to your achievements and skillset, employers are more concerned about whether or not you possess the skills to do a job not any employment gaps. The only time an employer would be concerned with employment gaps if you are a habitual hopper like changing jobs every 1 to 2 yrs over a 10 yr period. So just focus aggressively applying try to shield and protect yourself emotionally from the negativity. It was that way b4 you got there and will continue to be after you leave. Try to have open and honest conversations with your family to get thru this trauma so you can all move forward. Prayers up and good luck
AnonymousMay 15,2022 at 4:55PM UTC
I am so sorry that you are going through this.
First of all, crying is a natural response to being wronged. That is not -- in any way -- a sign of your weakness but rather a sign that you are hurting.
In addition, your lack of trust is also a stress response. When you are hurt, of course, you do not want to put yourself in a situation to be hurt again!
All of these things are pointing to your need to get out -- and quickly.
However, before you go think about what you need from there to make YOUR transition easier (you are, quite frankly beyond caring about THEIR transition, they can yell and scream without your audience).
Since you are going to have to explain your time there, look back on your work product for the year and make sure you have any statistics, accomplishments, etc documented for your resume.
Take some time to clean up your virtual desk of old emails, etc. so that you feel ready to go at any moment and free from all the old 'mess'.
If the silent mentor (who may well also be hurting) may turn out to be post-job ally, continue being friendly even if they are unhelpful now. In my last toxic role, it was not until I left that I realized that a coworker and I were guilty of friendly fire because we were so stressed. Once out of that role, we talked and now I have a friend. (This may NOT be your case, but if it may be, remain open to it).
Finally, emotionally divorce your job now before you leave. For as long as you have to show up, do your job and stay distant. When things get heated, remind yourself that is THEIR mess and just try not to step in it. When they yell, remind yourself that is THEIR problem. While this lack of investment may hurt your work product, don't allow that to stop you. After all, they have proven themselves willing to blame you even when you are doing good work.
Your career will recover and the way you can make sure it will is by getting out of there and allowing yourself to heal.
(Also, did I say congratulations for your willingness to make this move? You are already brave and have taken the first step to getting your self-esteem back!)
AnonymousMay 16,2022 at 3:49PM UTC
Family businesses are a lot like nonprofits. There is no regulating tge emotions and drama and almost always the environment is toxic and extremely unhealthy.
You are right to want to get away from the dysfunction. Create your exit plan with everything you need to leave professionally and with a sense of pride.
Nicola BanksMay 17,2022 at 11:57PM UTC
This....
Create the exit plan....
I am sure your mentor will understand - have the conversation about feeling as though you have reached the natural end of your role within the business and are looking for another role...