Group texts.... business and personal related - need advice. Im in a group chat with a group of ladies for which I do volunteer work. I am employed. They are retired. I attend their luncheons when I am able. The group texts are distracting and at times not important information.. GIFs sent back and forth, etc. Recently one of our volunteers past away, one woman posted a luncheon picture with the woman who past away .... a luncheon I could not attend. This same woman then states in the chat "XXXX (me) will you join us next time". How would you respond ? I dont want to be condescending.. should I answer or just ignore the comment.. It seems to me this was an underhanded comment as the topic was the woman who past away and should not have been directed to me. Appreciate your input

9 Comments

1. maria roseJune 1,2024 at 6:12PM UTC

   I read that message as an attempt to include you in and extending the offer for you to come their group luncheons more often . Now you might consider association with them as merely a part of your work and nothing more. You are the one making it by your interpretation as a personal statement towards you. You are the one who chooses your interaction time with the group.

2. AnonymousJune 1,2024 at 8:55PM UTC

   Thanks... your input makes sense....

3. Katy TafoyaJune 1,2024 at 6:32PM UTC

   I don't think it was an underhanded comment. There's a chance, looking back on the memories, she realized you weren't there (probably knows already that you're working), and as a way to include you, she said what she said. I would just respond something like, "if my work schedule allows it, I'll be there." and leave it at that. If they know you work and are busy, they're not going to give you a hard time.

4. AnonymousJune 1,2024 at 8:54PM UTC

   Yes agree.. thank you for your suggestion... appears I looked at it differently and should not have.. thank you.

5. AnonymousJune 1,2024 at 8:42PM UTC

   Calm down. I see no ill will here. You simply respond that you would love to attend if you are able. Include a nice story or comment about the member that passed. It's nice and brings things back to the topic at hand.

6. AnonymousJune 1,2024 at 8:53PM UTC

   Yes agree... appears I looked at it differently and should not have.. thank you.

7. AnonymousJune 2,2024 at 1:00PM UTC

   Text messages and emails can be taken out of context and misinterpreted unfortunately it seems to be the preferred form of communication these days however, if you don’t see a person’s facial expressions and here a voice, we tend to read into these messages and maybe misinterpreted them. I would either not respond or say thank you hopefully next time I can attend or something positive because if this person truly did want to say something inappropriate or negative responding back could start a whole back-and-forth messaging that you don’t want to get into I see it happened all the time.

8. AnonymousJune 2,2024 at 1:03PM UTC

   If they are making a bunch of snarky comments, that’s different, but you can’t honestly think this affirms any ill will or manipulative stance? And if you expressed why you were unable to attend, then you provided the information for missing that luncheon. Give them some grace and assume positive intent.

9. AnonymousJune 3,2024 at 11:40AM UTC

   Rise above it. It's a you thing and not them, IMO. You can put your notifications on silent, and you can respond with kindness. Doesn't sound like they're being rude at all. Sounds like, from the snapshot, they're missing you and would love to see you next time. In regards to the passing, why can't you respond with compassion.