How to handle immature remote employee?

10 Comments

1. GirlBossanova934974September 6,2025 at 1:10PM UTC

   One sentence in your writeup really stands out. "He seems irresponsible and comes across as friendly but is really in it for self advancement."

   That sentence would describe my last 3 out of 4 supervisors at 4 different companies. When I interview at various companies, I find this same issue across the board.

   Bottom line? Many of these supervisors and managers were given promotions based upon time spent at a given employer. No training, no mentorship, and no education.

   I would suggest you reach out to other members of your team to learn your role or find 3rd party resources. I found myself doing that for years. A big problem came along and management just stood there and looked at the wall. Maybe someone else will fix this so I don't have to was their approach.

2. Dr. Patty GrossSeptember 6,2025 at 11:03PM UTC

   What do you mean by "unofficially report?" Is he a team leader but not responsible for scheduling and signing off on paychecks? Is he only responsible for training you? Is there someone "official" you report to, where you can voice your concerns? That would be my first suggestion.

3. AnonymousSeptember 7,2025 at 12:22AM UTC

   He is a team lead who is supposed to train me on certain areas of the job and he does not schedule or sign off on paychecks. Most of the team is remote and most are middle age men. They try to hide the childishness but it appears from time to time.

4. Dr. Patty GrossSeptember 7,2025 at 9:20PM UTC

   In that case, I would suggest contacting your manager and seeing if there isn't anyone else who can assist you with your training. Try not to throw him "under the bus," especially if there is a chance they don't have anyone else. Otherwise, GirlBossanova has some good ideas below.

5. AnonymousSeptember 8,2025 at 1:20PM UTC

   I’m in similar situation but is my manager and runs a whole department he knows how to socialize and keep up appearances to keep in good graces with higher management. He is only self oriented. To learn my role I’ve had to schedule one to ones with other team members and when ever I do talk to him I push him for information. I take a lot of notes. I’ve had to create my own SOP through piecing this together searching the company data base for all documented resources and it’s been a hell of a 2 months here. Some manager get the manager title because they are good at talking to people and polarizing, but don’t actually do anything so you have to take care of yourself and find a way to leverage relationships with other team mates to make it work. Sucks but happens quite a bit in corporation. This is my 3rd manager like this.

6. AnonymousSeptember 7,2025 at 2:52PM UTC

   Take back control of your career by finding another resource to help you where he will fall flat. If there is an HR department please privately let them know about some of the personal inquiries and how they make you uncomfortable. Let him fail on his own and had down to get your job done.

7. AnonymousSeptember 8,2025 at 7:01PM UTC

   If he's done something to cross an HR line then you report that to HR. If you just think he likes "juvenile TV shows" that's not a crime or an office issue. It also sounds like maybe he tried making small talk with you and you didn't like it. If you unofficially report to him then you need to talk to the person you actually report to about the situation and your training. He may well be less reachable because he's busy and you aren't his direct report. This post honestly has a lot of red flags in it about you.

8. AnonymousSeptember 9,2025 at 1:38AM UTC

   Just focus on work-related questions and discussions any time you talk with him. If he starts talking about that show, just say "we'll have to agree to disagree about [whatever show it is] or joke that "I'm glad someone likes that show; I actually don't." If he crosses the line and asks you on a date, tell him you aren't interested or say it's your policy to never date someone you work with--"don't get your honey where you get your money," as the saying goes. If he refuses to take no for an answer or continues saying things when you have made it clear you aren't interested is when you take it to HR. Even better, since you don't officially report to him, can you just switch teams? If you can diplomatically ask to work on a different team, that might be the best solution.

9. AnonymousSeptember 10,2025 at 6:40PM UTC

   It's start to mentioning this to HR, but only after you have documentation proving that you asked him to stop or it made you feel uncomfortable.

   I am a big fan of bcc'ing his boss or HR when writing to him to let him know that enough is enough, professionally, and politely. Try showing as little emotion as you can when writing and be very matter of fact.

   The more level headed you are, the more HR will likely have your back and you say he's immature, and they're a good HR team, they'll go with whoever seems least difficult and less of a liability.

   The times that I have had similar scenarios happen and I kept my cool, HR was far more willing to help me than the guy because I kept my cool, stuck to the fact, and didn't show too much emotion. It's awful, but it's unfortunately what works.

10. Marjorie CoganSeptember 11,2025 at 3:00AM UTC

    If you unofficially report to him, can you change who you need to contact? Wouldn't management want to know about his inappropriate behavior?