I messed up and now I'm panicking.

Anonymous

June 20,2022 at 10:03PM UTC

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I messed up and now I'm panicking. Please help

I took a job in a new industry that I really didn't like. After 3 months, I moved into a new job within my old industry. I've only been here a week and this is by far the most toxic workplace I've ever stepped foot in. There's a high turnover rate for employees and customers, and I've seen my new boss fly off the handle twice (in my first week). She also texts me throughout the weekend on my personal cell even though this is supposedly a 9-5 corporate job. People are already gossiping about others to me, and I've already traveled twice on my personal credit card even though there's no clear reimbursement process. HR has asked me to email (no encryption) a copy of my social security card and driver's license like that's ok or normal. There's more to it than this and I doubt it gets better from here. I messed up badly and I want out. As I see it, I have three options:

Go crawling back to the first job with my foot in my mouth and see if they'll take me back
Set boundaries with my new manager tomorrow and stomach this job until I can get a better one
Resign and use my savings to get my mental health right and then look for work

This past year has been the hardest of my life after losing a loved one and I'm not making the best executive functioning decisions. Otherwise, I wouldn't have ignored the red flags. I sensed something was off when she rushed me to fly across the country for an interview but I had no idea it was this bad.

Any feedback or thoughts would be so greatly appreciated.

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AnonymousJune 20,2022 at 11:17PM UTC
I'm so sorry about your loved one and that your work environment is toxic. I wonder if your current company has an Employee Assistance Program. Usually you can get 5 free counseling sessions through EAP. They might be able to get you in touch with a professional who could help you navigate the situation.
It sounds like you're already thinking about various factors you'll consider like your finances. Maybe think about why you left your previous job before going back...did you leave on good terms? Could you maybe do contract work with your old company while you figure out next steps?
AnonymousJune 21,2022 at 12:20AM UTC
Thanks so much. I’m not sure about EAP but will look into it. I did leave on good terms and my old job has a ton of consultants. If push comes to shove, I could ask about contract work. Thank you for these suggestions.
Heather BinghamJune 20,2022 at 11:23PM UTC
We all make mistakes, especially when our mind is engaged outside work. By all means ask if your old job is still available - a few awkward weeks as you reintegrate won't be all that bad. If you can't, coast where you are and get looking. To leave a job in the first handful of months is much, much easier to navigate with future employers than you might imagine. It's actually better to move now than to go after a year.
AnonymousJune 21,2022 at 12:25AM UTC
Thanks for this. Just sent my resume out to a few people in my network. I really regret “jumping out the frying pan and into the fire.” Every time I don’t listen to my intuition, I end up regretting it. It’s my biggest weakness. Hoping this experience saves someone else from going through it.
Heather BinghamJune 21,2022 at 4:42AM UTC
In my view you should not beat yourself up. Many of us who use our "intuition" often find that we believe in our gut feelings less than usual when we are under emotional pressure - we tend to discount our instinctive feelings and thoughts as less valuable than usual, just when we need them the most. Cut to today and you are already evaluating clearly, dusting yourself off and getting on with correcting the situation. You are already doing the right things, and your lapse in trusting your normal mechanisms was understandable anyway.
AnonymousJune 25,2022 at 2:14AM UTC
Thank you for this reasonable outlook. Be well
JJJune 21,2022 at 12:10AM UTC
I did not read the whole message because it was too stressful. You should quit the first moment you can.
SueJune 21,2022 at 11:30AM UTC
It is human to make a mistake so take your foot out of your mouth and stop crawling and get up off the floor. Many of us make quick, impulsive decisions after stressful events, like getting divorced or losing a loved one. Some of the best advice I was ever given was don't make ANY changes after life altering events for 6 months or more. Don't change jobs, don't sell homes, don't buy cars, etc. You can walk to your old position and see if they have hired for your old job or if there is an opening. If not, you can start a search for a new position. It doesn't sound like setting boundaries in this current department will bring any changes. Toxic is toxic. Don't use up your savings unless you really cannot stand it any longer. And, submit your travel and invoices from your personal credit card. Not getting reimbursed is wrong and may be illegal depending on what state you are in. Best of luck to you.
AnonymousJune 24,2022 at 8:13PM UTC
Thank you for this real and tough advice. I'm off the floor. I definitely regret leaving the first job. Although it wasn't what I wanted, at least the culture wasn't this bad. I feel like the most rational decision is to stomach this bs and jump ship for what I want as soon as I can. I have a good relationship with my previous manager and I left there on good terms but I was only there for three months. If I go back, I'll open up a new can of worms, will probably have to sign a commitment to stay for a year or more, and I'll be viewed as flaky by my old team. And again, my old job is not really what I wanted but it was way better than this. I just made a bad misstep and wasn't thinking clearly because my mental health is recovering from so much. Given that it may take a few months, I've launched my job search and I'm taking control now and being very deliberate with my next move. I was at my previous company for 8 years and I prefer to get somewhere and stay for the long-term vs. moving to new companies every 2 years. That's just me, and I've learned this about myself as I'm going through this hard lesson. I'm forcing myself to stand up to liars (someone has already lied on me and I'm only in my second week!), set boundaries, and make it clear that I'm focused on doing my job the right way. If that's not what they want, they can let me go and I'll collect unemployment. Either way, I'm just trying to make a rational decision since my last decision to leave in three months was short-sighted and irrational.
Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistJune 24,2022 at 2:16AM UTC
Why can't stay working there and ramp up the job search be an option?
AnonymousJune 24,2022 at 5:58PM UTC
Yes, this is one of my options "Set boundaries with my new manager tomorrow and stomach this job until I can get a better one"
I tried doing this a few days ago and honestly, I think I made it worse for myself. Now my manager is intent on micromanaging me. Someone on her team has also flat out lied on me and told stakeholders in an email that I'm setting up weekly sessions when I never agreed to such a thing. I'm barely two weeks in and still haven't even completed HR onboarding, and this person is complaining to me about how I'm not moving fast enough. I don't know or report to this person. I feel like the rational thing is to stay and ramp up my job search ASAP but this place is so toxic I'm not sure how much I can take.
Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistJune 24,2022 at 6:28PM UTC
I'm so sorry you're in this situation. Sometimes setting boundaries makes things worse. I would recommend you get reimbursed asap.
I'm not sure what you do but could a contract position be an option for you? Those usually have fairly short time to hire and you'd be making money while continuing your job search.
Good luck!
AnonymousJune 25,2022 at 2:13AM UTC
Thank you for your kind words. I’ve been in contact with a small firm that hires on contract for a few months now. I’m going to reach back out to see if they have anything available or on the horizon.
I do project management work and process optimization. I’ve worked in govt, small business, non profits and for profits over the past 10 years.
Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistJune 25,2022 at 7:39PM UTC
Well it sounds like you're in a pretty bad situation right now so personally, I'd do a lot more than reach out to one small firm that hires contractors. I would ramp that search up to super high gear.
What have you done in your job search so far? Where do you have your resume posted? How often are you updating those profiles? Is your LinkedIn profile up to snuff? Where are you looking for positions? Are you PMP certified? Are you utilizing their job site?
Please let me know if you have any questions.