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How would you navigate a conversation with an openly emotional middle manager?

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How would you navigate a conversation with an openly emotional middle manager?

I am a manager at an office where we have a middle manager who is very emotions driven, yet not necessarily in a good way. She brings a lot of emotions and energy from items outside of the office and tends to use some of her subordinates and some of her direct leaders as therapists. Its draining not only to those she corners to vent or ask for advice from, but also to the other members of the team that pick up the slack when she is having her venting/crying sessions. Her uncontrolled emotions are having a negative effect on the team who have seen her crying in shared work spaces. We want to be supportive, and we know that anxiety is a health condition. She does not see a doctor, does not see a therapist, nor takes any medicine to help her control her emotional discord. How would you tell her that she needs to leave the workspace if she has to cry and that she cannot use the team as therapists and has to let them focus on their own jobs. How do you create an improvement plan for that?

She is smart, funny, creative, and cares about her team, but her actions are hurting them and their productivity.

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  1. Anonymous

    Ask her outright, "have you considered seeking out our employee assistance program with folks who are qualified and able to help you through this?" Let her know you don't feel equipped to help her.

    Or ask her boss to help her to alleviate bringing down the team.

  2. Anonymous

    HR needs to have a conversation with her and direct her to the EAP program if you have one. She may not have anyone outside of the office she can talk to. The team also needs to stop her in her tracks by telling her they are on a tight deadline and need to get their work done.

  3. Anonymous

    The keadership and HR must play the role of leaders and set boundaries and expectations or this just continues to escalate.

    If there is no leadership then you will need to keep yourself out of the way and not be available to enable the behavior.

    This is not within your duties nor is it something you should ever ever ever take on as a responsibility. The work dynamic is a fragile thing. It must be addressed by the hierarchy not the peer group. Don't for a moment think she doesn't dump this mess on family, friends and acquaintances and believe me she's been been told very clearly by everyone in her life that she is in serious decline. She is waaaay too comfortable melting down. She is obviously quite accustomed to this behavior. It's the folks that keep it bottled up inside that don't enjoy the outlet. She is very comfortable with acting out.

  4. P I.

    Explain it to her as eloquently as you have here.

    Encourage her to reach out to the EAP, and follow up to ensure she does it. Sounds like she's a tad bit stubborn--no docs, no meds etc. yet using team mates as therapists, erratic emotions, etc. Absolutely not! There should be zero tolerance for her behavior. EAP or decide next steps, to include termination. Assuming she's subordinate to you.

  5. Anonymous

    I agree with the others who suggest she needs outside help.
    Is she even aware that she is doing this? If so, she is ripe for working with EAP or a therapist. If you need to, offer additional time for a sabbatical or an extended hospital stay. Her condition may not warrant hospitalization, but she is going through something. Another possibility is this may be this way all the time, in which case she also needs therapy and possibly disciplinary action. Can you tell from her history or your observations if this is a new issue or if she has always been this way?

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